Buenos Aires, Part Tres
After blogging last night Randy and I headed out to the strangest…and longest…dinner ever. I read about this restaurant called “Te Matare, Ramirez” in an article. The name translates to “I’m Going to Kill you, Ramirez” in English. The name alone should give you an idea that this place would be unique!
Anyway, it was supposed to be about seven blocks from our apartment but when we arrived at the address a sign said it had relocated to the whole other side of Palermo Viejo. No big deal, though – it was a beautiful night so we went for a walk.
We arrived at the restaurant just after 9:30PM. The restaurant occupied two floors. The first floor was full so the hostess brought us upstairs into a nearly pitch black room. The options were to sit in low sofas along the perimeter or at candle light tables in the center (which is what we chose). The walls, floors, and ceilings were black, and there were blood red velvet drapes everywhere. In between the drapes was art. Erotic art. I’m not talking your casual seductive poses…I’m talking women with their legs spread open
Our black-clad waitress handed us our menus. We couldn’t read a thing as everything was written in Spanish and all items, from appetizers to entrees, were described in a sexual manner. In between items on each page were images (photos or renderings) of naked people or people actually having sex…full penetration!
But this was nothing compared to what was yet to come. After delivering our yummy appetizer, the waitress made a proposition: we could have our food arrive now, or we could wait until “after the show.”
Of course we opted to wait until after the show, so we brought our wines downstairs and waited for the performance to begin. In the corner was a small stage. Moments later, 5 men and women in semi-transparent black shirts ran through the room doing a little dance to Joe Cocker’s “You Can Keep Your Hat On.”
The all arrived at the stage and ducked down behind a black curtain. When they all arose, they each held a puppet and began to make the puppets dance and lip-sync. Within a few seconds, the pants came off all of the puppets and you could see vaginas and erect pieces. Large erect penises.
After the opening number, they performed various little skits – all resulting in the puppets having sex. Seriously – the puppets would very realistically begin penetrating each other and the puppeteers would moan and groan erotically. There was straight sex, gay sex, and group sex. Fastincating! It’s a shame we couldn’t understand a word that was being said. Still, I think we figured it out since most skits were your typical porn fantasies (a cop and distressed woman having sex, a man and women getting caught by her husband…then the husband joining in, etc…)
The show finished around 11:15PM and we went back upstairs to eat. And what yummy food it was. I ordered something randomly based on the few words I could understand. What was delivered was a home made ravioli with brie and pieces of beef inside, soaking in a red wine. By the time all was said and done, it was about 1:00AM. I’ve never had a dinner last over 3 hours before. But it was worth it.
We tried getting up early today to explore Recoleta…but even getting up early didn’t get us out of the apartment until after 11:00 AM. We headed in the direction of Recoleta, stopping in Barrio Norte first for some shopping. One pair of jeans and three shirts later, we returned home for lunch and a nap.
I really could get used to this.
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