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Allow Me To Identify Myself

I think I was violated this past weekend. You see, everything started innocently enough on Friday night when I got together with my friend, Fernando, for dinner and movies. After preparing a yummy chicken dish with prosciutto, cheese and assorted veggies, we watched “Girls Will Be Girls” on DVD. I originally saw this before it was released with a friend who wrote movie reviews for Bay Windows (New England gay newspaper). The group of us hated it.

This time around, a few years later, I enjoyed it. So did Fernando. We then watched 4 or 5 episodes of Lisa Kudrow’s HBO show, “The Comeback”. Quite funny.

On Saturday I got some groceries at the market and worked on a paper for one of my classes. That night, I headed over to Mike’s with the intent to go to the Ramrod (bar). Once again, we didn’t. We managed to eat food then became lazy and watched TV all night. I exposed him to “Pink Flamingos” (truly his first time) then we watched PBS, of all things. First came “In the Life” and finally a British reality show called “Operatunity”. It was great. The English National Opera basically had everyday people audition to perform in London. The winners were a grocery clerk mother of 4 and a blind housewife. They both did amazing jobs. Why can’t American Idol be more like this?

I worked on my paper again on Sunday until, finally, Mike and I made it out to the Ramrod. We ended up getting there about 11:30PM and it wasn’t very crowded. There were two muscular go-go dancers (the theme night was muscle worship…though aside from the dancers, there was little muscle to be found). We ended up lingering about chatting, people watching and occasionally kissing.

As the evening turned into early morning, he got one last drink at the bar and walked me over to this semi-crowded little nook. Now, my gay readers probably know EXACTLY where this is going to lead. But in my 10 years or so of going here, I’d always heard of what it used to be like in the good ole’ days, but never seen anything first hand aside from kissing and mild groping. (then again, I go out maybe once or twice a year).

Anyway, Mike pulled me toward him and started kissing me. It was crowded so I could feel the presence of people brushing up against us as they walked by. Then I felt Mike’s left hand groping my butt. But it quickly moved up to my stomach and began pulling up my shirt to play with my chest hair and nipples.

Then it hit me: Both my butt and chest were being molested simultaneously. Yet wait, how could his left hand be in both places at once?

Yep, I was being violated.

I stopped kissing him and yelled in his ear (over the loud music) “That’s not your hand under my shirt, is it?”. He chuckled and said “No.”  Next thing I know, my other butt cheek is being groped and other hands were trying to reach for the front of my pants.

I think I started freaking out because I ulitmately moved us against a wall where at least I was protected by concrete on one side (it also provided me with a better viewing opportunity. he he). We ended up leaving shortly after that since the place was about to close. Hmmmm – I guess the stories about backrooms aren’t all fabrications or long-lost 1970’s memories.

I got to do the driving home since he’d had a few beers. It was my first time driving stick in 10 years and I didn’t stall once!

On Sunday I worked on my papaer again.

OH – I forgot to mention that on Saturday, I got a Harvard ID card for being a student. I didn’t know I’d be getting one since I already had a Harvard employee ID. None of the acceptance letters sent me information saying I was eligible for an ID card so it came by surprise to get the card in the mail (they used the same photo they had on file for my work ID). It got me to thinking about my previous ID’s so I retrieved them, scanned them, and am placing them here for you all to mock. I should have pulled my old driver’s licenses, too. Maybe next time. For now – here’s how I identified myself in 4 college ID’s and 2 work ID’s (the two ID’s that are hard to read are from the Massachusetts College of Art).


  1. Comment by Veselka Slut on February 21, 2006 12:30 pm

    You should consider a close shave again to prove you’re not a body snatcher that stole that cute young boy and took his identity.

  2. Comment by Karl on February 21, 2006 12:33 pm

    Wait – are you saying I looked better clean-shaven?

    All I see is a big geek in those old photos.

    Hmm – time for some polling! People? Which looks best? My vanity is at stake here!

  3. Comment by Veselka Slut on February 21, 2006 12:53 pm

    well, don’t even THINK about unburying those glasses, you look like a john mcglaughlin protoge, or maybe sally jesse?

  4. Comment by karyn on February 21, 2006 1:23 pm

    Oh NO! Not your VANITY! Mercy! Bless my bottons! *eyeroll*

    Ok well first thing’s first – does your building have an incinerator? If so, feed it that Stride Rite abomination at once.

    Second – wow – I had forgotten the Immovable Hair of ’89. You look so sweet and sort of sad in the old snaps, as opposed to the newer more current ones in which you look marginally angry and hardened. (Get your mind out of the gutter.)

    I wish there were a middle photo to show that metamorphosis… I find it a little sad actually.

    Still – cute either way.

  5. Comment by karyn on February 21, 2006 1:24 pm

    *Bless my Buttons too, while we’re at it. How embarrassing.
    Not as embarrassing as the giant eyewear but still. 😉

  6. Comment by Karl on February 21, 2006 1:28 pm

    Wait..what do you find sad? That I went from sad to angry looking? Or that there’s no middle picture?

    Cuz, generally speaking, I’m not a sad or angry person!

  7. Comment by Brad on February 21, 2006 1:52 pm

    Ha! Finally, I can comment on these so-called TV shows where you almost always say, “Can you believe that so-and-so hadn’t heard of it before and I got to tell them about it?” 🙂 Well, as far as Operatunity is concerned, that’s been out for ages and I’m suprised you’d not seen it before. It’s been on a hundred times . . . and you’re right, it does make one ask why AI isn’t more like it? As for your expereience in the bar . . . and why did you move against the wall? I’m not sure I understand the reasoning. 😉

  8. Comment by J.P. on February 21, 2006 2:09 pm

    Personally I find the latest ID picture the hottest and I wish I had been in the backroom area at the Ramrod as I would love to rub your hairy face. 🙂

  9. Comment by chrispy on February 21, 2006 3:45 pm

    gosh! so *preppy* when you were younger! and a jawline and cheekbones and gay gay hair! wow, you should have taken yourself to calvin klein back in the day. and now you contend with a nightmare descent into booze pills and backroom frot. the kid’s growing up!

  10. Comment by Karl on February 21, 2006 3:51 pm

    HMMM – I never knew I had cheekbones or a jawline. But looking at the new ID’s, I see that i’ve lost both facial features with age.


  11. Comment by Dave in Chicago (2) on February 21, 2006 5:21 pm

    StrideRite. Am…speechless…unable…to…eat now. <clunk>

    Btw, I’m thinking “Herbie” from Rudolf Xmas special on that hair wave. ;-P

  12. Comment by Dave in Chicago (2) on February 21, 2006 5:23 pm

    And for Chrissakes, what’s with the tinted or self-darkening lenses?!? Please tell me that’s a photo anomaly. If not, I can take all the hoo-hah of the white trash food from Friday, but colored lenses. Oooooooh, no. *smooches, puddin’head*

  13. Comment by Dave in Chicago (2) on February 21, 2006 5:24 pm

    Oh, and for the record, I’d totally grope you in a backroom. Well, and Mike. Um, I guess that makes me a slut. Then again, I don’t care — I’m leaving for Miami in 5 minutes!

  14. Comment by Karl on February 21, 2006 9:33 pm

    DAVE! You had your chance in Chicago…at two different venues! Though, those places didn’t have backrooms, did they?

  15. Comment by karyn on February 21, 2006 11:37 pm

    Karl, you big ho, you. What I find sad is the loss of that innocent, babyfaced countenance – and that in its place is someone who looks pissed off. Cute, but pissed off. Now find a chaperone for crissakes; you clearly are not to be trusted to the public sphere.

  16. Comment by Will on February 22, 2006 3:43 pm

    The Stride Rite card is the gem of the lot–the hair, the glasses, everything.

    I got groped in the Sweat Lodge on Sunday night but I DID make sure to sit next to the most likely groper in the group. And he came through for me.

  17. Comment by Robert on February 23, 2006 11:36 am

    Ooh pictures.. and lotz of them! Wait, the 2 Harvards ones are the same!?! I feel jibbed! 🙂 I love ’em!!!

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