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Nobody Warned Me

Things started taking a turn for the better this weekend. On Friday night, I went to the Halloween pumpkin carving party. I had a really good time and got to meet my friend, Jason’s, other friends. They were quite nice and, fortunately, there was no carnage involved even with 12-15 somewhat inebriated men and woman playing with sharp knives. The biggest pain issues were associated with one person’s wound from touching the heating element of a toaster oven and another person’s hangnail stinging from the pumpkin innerds (is that a word? It doesn’t look right…innards?)

Actually, maybe there was some carnage. I was a pumpkin carving virgin (likely the last thing you could claim me to be a virgin of…but that’s a whole other blog posting) and I’ve never seen something as digusting as a pumpkin’s insides. Nobody warned me what the inside would look (or smell) like.

I’m not sure what I was expecting. Perhaps either the consistency of a squash (gooy, but solid). I suppose it could have been like a bell pepper (seeds, but firm). No, you slice off the top of a pumpkin and you’re greeted by essentially by a big orange bowl of alien snot.

It’s the most disgusting thing! Just goo dangling by stringy pieces of goo with random clumps of gooey seeds.  There is no organized seed growth (like in a pepper). It’s just a gooey madness that just shouldn’t exist in nature.

After having to use my bare hands to scoop out the sludge (i wish I had hand condoms…I guess those would be called rubber gloves, huh?) I managed to carve the following.

I call him Wilbur. I brought him home from the party with me (SCORE!) and he’s been hanging out in my kitchen ever since. I’m not sure what to do with him for Halloween night. I fear if he hangs out by the window, it may attract trick-or-treaters. That’s not good. But I’m definitely kicking him out soon because he’s not the best house guest (he kinda smells and I hate when somebody smiles all the time).


  1. Comment by Doug on October 30, 2005 11:47 am

    Did you keep the pumpkin seeds to eat? They are yummy if you rinse them…salt them and bake them 🙂 I will be carving up my usual 10 pumpkins between today and tomorrow (gotta line my front steps with them)…you could come be the innard remover 🙂

  2. Comment by JC on October 30, 2005 1:06 pm

    C’mon Karl! Sticking your hands in the goo is the best part! Although you’re right…it does look like orange alien snot. Anyway, glad you had a good time. Be good to Wilbur in his last few days on this earth.

  3. Comment by Dave in Chicago (2) on October 30, 2005 7:43 pm

    I love it. Congrats to the conquering hero (snark) ;-p Wilbur is a perfect name. And actually, the fresh-cut smell lessens after a day or so. Until the mold appears, that is. I’m incredulous that it’s the first time you’ve ever carved a PUNKIN!!

  4. Comment by matt on October 31, 2005 12:48 am

    Excellent pumpkin! …I didn’t know that they smell.

    Remember when you used to just draw on them. …or did the store do that?

  5. Comment by Underling on October 31, 2005 9:51 am

    Beautiful! I went to a caeving party over a week ago, and I left my pumpkin on my boyfriend’s stoop. I looked at it this morning on my way out…in the week since I’ve carved him, he’s completely drooped down and his teeth have shriveled up.

  6. Comment by Will on October 31, 2005 10:01 am

    Karl, hadn’t you ever carved a pumpkin as a kid? I can’t believe you were confronting stringy pumpkin innards for the very first time.

  7. Comment by Karl on October 31, 2005 11:32 am

    OK – everybody has to check out the pumkin done by Bryan (who I’ve only met once). I love his pumpkin!

    It puts mine to shame.

  8. Comment by karyn on November 1, 2005 11:21 pm

    You. Are such. A FREAK.

    It’s a VEGETABLE, Karl, not possum entrails for crissakes.

    Yah – what DID you do in Snootyville for Halloween? Bus in po’ folks from the ghetto and make THEM carve your designer squashes? Or did you just not participate in anything so PEDESTRIAN as Halloween?

    Doug’s right, the toasted, salted seeds are wicked yummy.

    Pumpkin looks good. (For the record, though, the less I hear about your virginity where the defiling of vegetation is concerned, perhaps, the better.)

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