The Conflagration is Late – the Devil Must Have Overslept
Something’s wrong here. According to the majority of religious leaders in the world, the bowels of Hell were supposed to break through the land of Massachusetts and swallow us whole.
You see, as of midnight last night, gays and lesbiams were allowed to get married in this state. And, with all of the hoopla about how this equality will destroy society, I was quite sure that I’d have been awakened at 12:00 a.m.this morning to a devastating earthquake and state engulfing fire.
Instead, all I saw were 10,000 people at Cambridge City Hall (they opened Sunday at 10:30 p.m. to allow people to celebrate with wedding cake, entertainment and, at the stroke of midnight, the issuance of marriage licenses). All I saw was the first couple to obtain a license – a lesbian couple that has been together for 27 years and has raised a twenty-something son. Disgusting, isn’t it? Two loving parents actually wanted their family status recognized by the community-at-large. Terrible.
Just to play it safe, I wore no clothing made of synthetic fibers. When the fires start, at least I won’t ignite so quickly.
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Very wise to wear only natural fibers. But maybe it’s just that hell is freezing over?
I saw four horses with skeleton riders on Boylston Street earlier this evening. And, tho, I am not positive — I am fairly certain that Satan served me a drink this evening. …and he was really HOT!
I asked all my married friends yesterday how their marriages were. I was concerned that they might all spontaneously divorce with the announcement that gays could legally marry in Mass…I mean, isn’t this supposed to be the most destructive thing that has ever happened to straight marriages?