According to our calculations, Barak Obama is due to suffer a campaign-crippling mishap sometime in the next two weeks. It could be a spectacular misstatement or a subtle slur let slip almost unnoticed in tonight’s debate, a financial scandal emerging from the primordial Illinois ooze, or a snippet of video from a lost grad school weekend. However, its appearance is inevitable.
The question now is not whether to pull the plug on the Obama Golem, but rather when and how. The who should be obvious by now; Barak Obama is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Clinton Conglomerate, albeit through a convoluted series of cutouts and front companies, created and activated for just such a contingency as we have at hand.
The Clintons saw years ago (4? 8? 16? 32?) that eventually the race for the nomination would come down to Hillary vs. Some Guy. They have been pushing the pieces for a while now to make sure that that guy would be their guy, although obviously not obviously. WWF fans may be able to convieniently overlook the fact that The Undertaker and Hornswoggle both work for Vince McMahon, but the Professional Politics Federation demands a bit more discretion.
The question that has the brain trust losing sleep is how to finesse the endgame, so that it’s not so obvious when Obama takes his dive, and that Hillary comes out as the heroine of the show, which of course ends with Bill and Hillary and their whole crew living happily ever after in the White House.
There are basically two ways this thing could go. If Barak is a good boy and behaves himself, we will we a snafu which is unfortunate but not career ending, and leads to a gallant demurral on the part of the young challenger, culminating in an exquisite made-for-TV moment in which he kneels before his sovereign and pledges his sword to her service. We are certain he will be rewarded with a cushy Dukedom, say, Urban Development, Interior or even State, as well as a starring role in a future PPF production.
The other path, should Barak prove so intoxicated by the heady champaign of public adulation that he somehow forgets dark pacts forged in the winter of his fortunes, is not as pretty. The Clintons would not have let the Obama juggernaut build up such a head of steam unless Hillary had her twitchy finger on the cut-out button, and her other hand on the abort and destroy plunger.
What the Clintons’ had underestimated, we suspect, is the desperate intensity of the ABC movement in this country, and its ability to quickly mobilize behind even as unlikely a candidate as Barak Obama. Millions of Americans, it seems, have a viscereal repugnance to all things Hillary, and are willing to spend heavily in time, money and political capital to bring her down. ABC – Anybody But Clinton.
But the Dowbrigade has bottomless faith in the ability of the Clintons to dig down to whatever depths necessary to fix the system and undermine the opposition. Which is why our money is on Hill.
Time, however, is running out. The possibility exists, should the groundswell of Hillary-hating continue congealing around Barak, that he will actually accumulate enough pledged delegates before the convention to win the thing on the first ballot, before the professional pols can even recess to the back rooms, hotel bars and smoke-filled private suites. Hillary has to derail that train before it gets to the bridge, and the bridge is coming up around the next bend.
Which is why we expect a major break in this story in the next two weeks. After Obama reaches the magic number, things would get much messier, although not impossible. A health crisis, for example, could intervene. Put nothing past these folks.
We are convinced our whole Hillary-Owns-Obama theory will stand or fall on what happens in the next few weeks. When the Fall of the Knight Errant arrives, remember that you read it here first.