Bush Back on the Bottle?

Faced
with the biggest crisis of his political life, President Bush has hit
the bottle again, The National Enquirer can reveal.

Bush, who said he quit drinking the morning after his 40th birthday, has
started boozing amid the Katrina catastrophe.

A Washington source said: "The sad fact is that
he has been sneaking drinks for weeks now. Laura may have only just caught
him – but the word is his drinking has been going on for a while in the
capital. He’s been in a pressure cooker for months.

from the
National Enquirer

Finally, some good news out of the White House!
George has needed to get out of the damn light for twenty years now,
and having
him rediscover the dark side of American politics at this stage of the
game is about the only hope we have of being saved from the Holy Rollers
and Radical Evangelicals. Perhaps he’ll start channeling Richard Nixon
or John Kennedy, who could reportedly drink like house painters. Hell,
even Ronnie Reagan liked a beer or a bottle of California red, at least
until Nancy cut him off for good.

We are sure the White House physicians could write
George something for the stress. We hear der Furher’s personal physician
Theo
Morell had quite a bit of success with a combination of morphine, pharmaceutical
cocaine and methamphetamine, and that Merck still has the formula. It
worked for old Adolf, and there was a guy who knew what stress was all
about!

With that, and a bit of female companionship to
help him relax after a hard half-day at the office, our fearless leader
might
attain more human dimensions, and really get in touch with the silent
majority of the people he reputedly represents. We are a nation of addicts
– drunkards and druggies, sex fiends and adrenaline junkies, gambling
addicts and fitness fanatics.

It’s about time we had a President we can relate to.
It was getting stale having a Saint in the Oval Office.