Report: US Foreign Policy Hurting American Students’ Chances of Getting Laid

AMSTERDAM – American students traveling abroad confirm the findings of
a study indicating that Washington’s unilateral approach to foreign policy
has seriously undermined Americans’ chances of getting laid.

"I’ve been in Amsterdam for two months and have yet to begin a conversation
with a cute girl that hasn’t ended in a lecture about how big, evil America
is taking everyone’s oil," said college sophomore Brad Higgs, a participant
in Johns Hopkins University’s study-abroad program. "I offer to buy
them a drink, and they tell me I shouldn’t just stand by and watch Bush
destroy the world. Look, if I had that type of pull with the president,
I obviously wouldn’t be out trolling for anonymous Dutch pussy."

from the Onion