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The Longest Now

A fully operational time machine
Tuesday July 26th 2011, 7:27 pm
Filed under: indescribable,null,Uncategorized

Greg Brainos, Raleigh-area comic and Norrin Radd acolyte, recently posted on the Raleigh Craigslist looking for male time travellers with male friends.  He tweeted about it a few days ago, and got 100 calls and two radio interviews about it before the Time Lords Craig pulled the ad.  The sketchy details gave it a certain appeal to… people who might take it seriously.

Date: 2011-07-20, 3:07PM EDT


I have successfully built a working time machine and need a human test subject that is willing to be the first person to ever travel back in time.

Due to the dimensions of the machine, you must be shorter than 6’3″ and weigh less than 230 lbs. Also, you must be male. That’s not due to the dimensions of the machine, it’s just a personal thing. I think a man should be the first to time travel, just like he was the first to fly an airplane and to walk on the moon.

The pay is $3,000 and, of course, you’ll reap the benefits of being the first person to ever travel back in time (media coverage, endorsements, etc.). You will have to sign a waiver that mainly states:

1. I am not responsible for anything that happens to you when you time travel.
2. You are forbidden from interfering in matters that would disrupt the current timeline (i.e. killing Hitler, warning Hitler about D-Day, etc.).
3. You are not allowed to travel back in time for the purposes of tearing up this waiver before it’s been signed, thereby negating this waiver you’re about to sign. I built a time machine, I’m no moron.

As far as the danger of time traveling in this machine, we sent a dog into the past yesterday and it went off without a hitch. He hasn’t yet returned, but that’s just because animals don’t know how to rendezvous. We would like for you to bring him back, if at all possible.

Lastly, you will need three personal references. I can’t take a chance sending some unscrupulous druggie into the past because you’ll mess everything up for us here in the present. The references must be male. Again, it’s just a personal thing.

If you would like to participate, call me on my cell phone <###>


For most, I ask whether they’re calling from past or future. They say, ‘Present.’ I say, ‘Nevermind, it obviously didn’t work.’ ”


clever way to get a few laughs. I like the part where you tell them to retrieve the dog that didn’t come back…. and the parts where you keep mentioning men. Great stuff!!

Comment by Barry Davidson 07.29.11 @ 8:27 am

“That’s not due to the dimensions of the machine, it’s just a personal thing. I think a man should be the first to time travel, just like he was the first to fly an airplane and to walk on the moon.”

Pfft, I hope that part was also a joke. That’s a bit rude towards women we want to time travel, too, you know!

Comment by Ria from MMO Worlds 08.08.11 @ 11:37 am

There’s something to argue about it’s completely true

Comment by mary pence 11.29.11 @ 5:01 pm

I would like to go and rescue your dog.
that’s what I’am best at, besides time travelling also seems like an exciting and adventure trip.
I’am on it.

Comment by sky 04.24.15 @ 7:04 am

hello my name is dean im from melbourne australia my contact num is 0404494725 i would put all of my heart in to returning your best friend and also follow all of your rules i can give you 3 ref i am not a druggie i would also do it for you free as i know how much a best friend is missed when there not with you

Comment by dean 07.15.15 @ 2:38 am

Bad Behavior has blocked 361 access attempts in the last 7 days.