My Life, As Told Between (Baby Cakes') Naps

Friday: Went with (poor) T to a friend’s (all-girls) cookie decorating party on Friday. (Thanks HB – we had a great time!) Decorated many a cookie. Realized I am a cookie decorating genuis. (See below) Nearly cried when babies were eventually eaten. Happy they were fullfilling their cookie destiny though. I guess.

Saturday: Woke up at 5:45 a.m. to volunteer at a water station for my running group’s 20 mile run. Suffered through four hours of standing in the cold. Felt very proud of martyr-like self. Brunched with some felllow martyrs afterwards. Relatively painless shopping trip. Tea at the Peninsula Hotel. Friends over for wine, cheese, and soak in the spa.

Sunday: Woke up at 6 a.m. for 20 mile make-up run. Beautiful weather, great run. Lunch with T before he headed to work. Headed to another cookie decorating party. Lots of eating, left before the actual cookie decorating. (Very tired.) Wrote post. Going to sleep.

My amazingly talented friends Miss J and the Frog have started a photography blog.  You should go check it out!

Had an interesting, irrational moment late Saturday night.  Ordinarily, I pride myself on my almost boy-like rationality.*  I’m not easily angered, am definitely not ruled by my emotions, and am generally very logical.  There are very few instances where my heart and mind aren’t in accord.  Saturday was one of them.  A perfect confluence of factors – tiredness, discomfort (my eyes and contact lenses are apparently mortal enemies), and rare moodiness on my part – lead to my first fight with T. 

Poor T didn’t see it coming, didn’t recognize it when it was there, and certainly didn’t know how to deal with it.  Especially as my response to everything was, “Yes, I KNOW I’m being irrational!”

Luckily, we weathered the storm, T was great, he apologized, I apologized, and all is well.  Guess I’m more of a girl than I give myself credit for.  =)

*Not to play too much into gender stereotypes or anything, but come on, y’all know exactly what I’m talking about!

Went to my 10 year reunion this weekend.  My Quad friends bought me a ticket behind my back so I was forced to go against my will.  To be honest, while I joke about how I was forced to go, I’m also incredibly touched that I have friends who care enough about me being there with them to force my hand.

My salient thought throughout the night was that we really were all growed up.  Despite having lived on my own for the last decade and having been a lawyer for the last two years, more often than not, I don’t feel like a real, actual adult.  But looking around at my old classmates and recognizing that they were adults – married, divorced, moms, dads, homeowners – made me realize that I was one too (although I was neither married, divorced, a mom nor a homeowner).  Going to graduate school really delayed the onset of adulthood for me, but sooner or later I guess I had to come to grips with it.  And I think I’m okay with it.  Mostly.

It was incredible seeing everyone out of their high school shells.  I don’t think I fully realized what a weird, awkward and painful experience adolescence was until last night, when I saw the real people who inhibited those shells.  It was a chance to give depth and substance to some of the background people in my life.  I was surprised at how many people didn’t enjoy high school and how many people felt they were misunderstood.  It’s a common story, played out in hundreds of ways in books, movies, and television shows, but to face that fact oneself is still somehow shocking.  I didn’t hate high school, but I also didn’t feel like I really came into myself until late in college.  I’m comfortable with who I am now and like who I’ve become.  I just didn’t realize how different the me I am now is from the me who was until last night – when the upteenth person commented on it.  

My core values and beliefs haven’t changed.  I still tend towards dry, sarcastic humor.  I’m still left-leaning.  I still love learning and reading.  I think I’m just more comfortable expressing all that now.  I guess I didn’t realize the shape my shell took until last night.  I didn’t hate high school, but I am profoundly glad that it’s behind me.     

JP1 was recently named one of the “Top Young Lawyers in Southern California.”

Me [to JP1]:  Hey, congrats! 

A2:  Yeah, that’s great that you were named as a top lawyer!

Me:  Actually, I was congratulating him for being called “young.”

[*Laughter from A2…and everyone else within hearing range*] 

JP1:  Ouch!  You know you work for me, right?

Me:  Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have said that right before turning in this assignment, which, by the way, is not my best work.  You’ve been warned…

I also love unexpectedly getting beautiful flowers personally delivered to my office!  =)

To start, I love this dress (slip?) by Luisa Beccaria.  I have no idea how one would actually get away with wearing it, but it’s absolutely gorgeous.

Also, while I was (very briefly and primarily window) shopping yesterday, a woman behind me exclaimed, “Wow, what a great bag!”  Hoping she was talking to me, I turned around.  Turns out she was a bag designer and loved the bag I was carrying!  She even asked to take a picture of it.  I love random compliments from strangers on my purses.  =) 

As T noted, it could very well have been the highlight of my day… had it not been for the super fantastic birthday dinner I had with some amazing people later that night.  Thanks again all.  And special thanks to the Frog for suggesting and organizing it.  I’ve amassed (stolen?) a fantastic group of friends in LA.  They’re a kind, generous, hilarious, gregarious, witty and wonderful bunch of people.  I love you guys.  Despite the pain that is turning 28, it’s been a really good year and I’m looking forward to the next one. 

And to all my non-LA located friends (who are equally stellar), I missed you and wish you all could have been there.  I love you all too. 

A co-worker recently showed me pictures of a beautiful but out of her range expensive house she was eyeing.

My response?  “You realize the maintenance costs on that house will be super expensive too, right?  It’s a gorgeous house and all, but at the end of the day, it’s just a house.  Wouldn’t you rather be able to afford groceries?”

She told her fiance, who apparently likes me more and more as he hears stories about me because, “She’s just like a boy!” 

I get this a lot. 

On the way back from Tahoe this weekend, I visited my parents for the first time in several months. 

Mom:  Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight Y.  You’re as thin as [your sister] B!

Me:  No way Mom.  B is super thin.

Mom:  Yeah, you’re right.  Well, you’re at least as thin as [your sister] L.

Me:  What are you talking about?  L is even thinner than B.

Mom:  No, you haven’t seen her in a few months.  She’s gained a lot of weight!

Favorite gmail chat exchange of the day:

J:  I’ve been really busy at work recently.

Me:  Yes, I remember reading that you guys made more money than the US mint last year.

J:  That’s because we’ve been twice as evil.  We have two oil spills planned for this upcoming year.  Maybe one near a pony ranch. 

Me:  Yeah, oil-soaked penguins are old news.  (Actually, I just made this up right now.  I was too busy laughing at the time to come up with a response of any sort.)

Oh, and FYI, apparently oil-soaked penguins are so par for the course that there’s an organization that knits sweaters for them.  

All together now – Awwwwwwwwwww.

I was going to write about my weekend in Arizona, but the Frog did such a great job here, I don’t really have anything to add! 

Oh, but while I have your attention, I might as well share a short work story.  So, I have my first hearing this Thursday.  I’m arguing two motions and am a little nervous (i.e., terrified).  I made the mistake of seeking reassurance from JP1, who, while fantastic, is not so warm and fuzzy.  When asked if he had any advice for me, he replied, “Don’t cry.”  I’m not making any promises.

In any case, I’m hoping if I use the word “clearly” often enough, the judge will rule in my favor.  For those lucky few reading this who aren’t lawyers, “clearly” is an attorney’s favorite word.  The magic in “clearly” is that it transforms mere speculation into incontrovertible fact.  It’s the blankie in our legal lexicon.  As long as we can cling to it, we’re safe.  Clearly. 

My Roomie’s told me on several occasions that she’s spent much of her life living with people who were apparently just short of mentally challenged.  The interesting side effect of that is that she often treats me like I’m one of those people (although maybe I am…).  While watching Law & Order SVU several weeks ago, she commented that the cops can be just as bad as the criminals on this show.  She then went on to explain this concept:

Roomie:  See, it’s like cops are standing on one side and criminals on the other.  And there’s a line separating them, but it’s a thin line … blah, blah, blah … [*ten minutes pass*].  Does that make sense?

Me:   Um, Roomie, you know I’m not five, right?  I get it.  Plus, there’s the having majored in English literature thing.  The thin line separating good and evil is a major literary motif.  I’ve dedicated many a paper to it.  I get it.

Roomie:  Oh, right, sorry.  I was just trying to explaing how Detective Stabler can be just as much a thug as the criminal he purports to hate.  It’s like he can see himself in them….blah, blah, blah…thin line…blah, blah, blah…

Me:  Did you seriously just explain that concept again?  Seriously?

Roomie:  You know I lived with people who couldn’t feed themselves!  I’m USED to explaining everything.

Me:  You realize that in all likelihood, they could probably do so before they lived with you, right?  I myself am losing some critical life skills.  Do you remember that one time I tried to clean the kitchen counter, but you said you liked cleaning and had a Three Step Process, which I found too complicated so I gave up?  Noticed how I haven’t attempted to clean the counter since?  I don’t think I remember how to any more.  [*pause*]  It’s okay.  You can’t help it.  You’re a giver.  That must be hard.  I wouldn’t know. 

Roomie:  Yes, I’ve noticed. *

* Roomie asked me to note for the record that she didn’t actually make this last statement at all.  This is more likely something I would say.  She, being much nicer, actually said something reassuring and sweet.

It’s funny what creates communities and how that changes over time and with age.  In college, we bonded over tv shows and music.  In law school, it was classes and law firms.  At work, it’s apparently, at least partially, shoes.  I was talking to two co-workers yesterday when both I and the other co-worker, C, noticed K’s shoes . . .

Me:  “Those are so cute!”

C:  “I love how they compliment that skirt.”

Me:  “Are they Marc Jacob’s?”

K:  “Yeah.  I love him.”

C:  [*laughs*] “I was at a friend’s party this weekend when I noticed this girls’s shoes.  I asked her if they were BCBG.  My boyfriend W was astonished that I recognize them when there are thousands of different shoes.  Guess I’m not the only one!”

Yes, this is the kind of in-depth converstation we have at work.  In some seriousness, it’s nice when you find commonalities, even when it’s something as innocuous as a preference for certain shoes.

Speaking of shoes, my new black pumps are the most comfortable shoes ever.  It’s like walking on clouds.  Or on fluffy sheep.  I mean, I clearly have to order them in brown too, right?   (Um, cause I already did.)  Hmm, and maybe another pair in black, for when these become worn out . . . 

A few days ago I was having lunch with two of my co-workers when a girl approached our table.  After staring at me for a bit, she blinked and said, “Y?  Is that you?”

I had no idea who she was.

Halfway through our forced conversation, one in which I tried to mask the confusion on my face and awkwardly avoided introducing her to my co-workers, she revealed that she was my suitemate during my last year of law school.  Apparently I didn’t hide my confusion well enough.  (Although it was a good thing she said something  because I was just about to guess that she was one of my former LSAT students!)  Sadly, even with this bit of information, it wasn’t until we exchanged cards and promises to meet up for lunch that I remembered her name.  And by “remembered,” I mean I looked at her business card.

I feel bad about it.  I lived next door to this girl for a year.  I remember now that she always had her television blasting and walked around with face cream on all the time.  She was friendly, but definitely a peripheral part of my law school life.  Still, I should have remembered her. 

The incident made me think of all the people that have flitted in and out of my life.  I like to think I remember the important ones, but there are so many blank faces and nameless shadows floating in the murky darkness that passes for my memory that I wonder if I’m wrong.  In the past couple of days, I’ve been trying to recall all the other people in my life I’ve forgotten.  I realize many people have much better memories than I do, but I imagine that we all must have them – those people that occupied the background of our lives for short periods, that flickered in our field of vision between blinks.  People who certainly exist but who don’t feel real, who haven’t acquired the substance of a friend or loved one.  Childhood playmates formed before memory was even a possibility, friends of friends who never became more than that, brief crushes who only evoke flashes of feeling but no real memory, classmates who were transitory fixtures for months at a time.  Odd to think that in someone’s mind, I’m one of those unreal background people.

JP1 and I (and another associate) share the same secretary.  The three of us have decided to get her a gift certificate.  We just can’t decide what kind.  The other associate and I want to get her a gift certificate to a spa.  JP1 wants to get a Visa gift card.  I ran into JP1 as I was getting ready to leave tonight:

JP1:  The Visa gift card is more practical.

Me:  Christmas isn’t about being practical!  Otherwise, we’d skip gift-giving altogether and just buy ourselves what we want for Christmas.

JP1:  Uh . . . isn’t that what you –

Me:  – yes, whatever, that’s beside the point.

JP1:  I’ve asked previous secretaries and they’ve all told me they’d prefer whatever’s closest to cash.

Me:  Maybe that’s because they’re afraid of the alternative.

JP1:  Are you saying I have bad taste?!

Me:  No, just that you’re a boy.

JP1:  I just think we should be practical. 

Me:  I know JP1, but not everyone’s like you.  If we get her the Visa card, she’ll spend it on her family.  If we get her a spa gift card, she’ll be forced to indulge.

JP1:  Shouldn’t she have the choice whether to indulge?

Me:  No. 

JP1:  Why not?

Me:  You are SUCH an engineer.  [Note:  JP1 used to be a structural engineer.]  Fine.  You win.  Let’s get her the Visa card.  But just because I’ve been taught to respect my elders.  Clearly.

I accidently got on the down elevator when I intended to go up this morning.  Of course I realized this too late to do anything about it and ended up having to take it down 22 flights to the ground floor.  I ran into the Managing Partner on the ground floor, who looked at me askance for not getting off.

MP:  —?

Me:  Um, I got on the wrong elevator.

MP:  You know, there are ferris wheels and roller coasters and things like that if you like rides.

Me:  Yes, but none of them are in the office and I have to liven up my day somehow.

(*awkward silence for 17 flights*)

[Elevator opens on 17th floor, no one enters.]

Me:  That was my belated and wild attempt to stop the descent.

MP:  Oh.

(*awkward silence for remaining 5 flights*)

We picked names for our Secret Santa gift exchange at work today. Until last year, apparently each attorney on my litigation team used to get gifts for all the other attorneys on the team, but we moved to a Secret Santa system because the team had gotten too large (it’s a given that we’re all expected to get gifts for our secretaries and other support staff).  JP2 is in charge of the Secret Santa exchange this year. We’ve picked our names but haven’t determined a price range yet (my Secret Santa giftee, btw, is JP1). Apparently, JP2 had discussed it with A1 and had tentatively suggested $100 but asked her to consult with A2 and I (the only other junior associates on the team) because, “Well, you guys are the ones the limit’s really for.” I think it’s sweet that the partners are worried about whether we can afford the $100 gift with our low six figure salaries.  =)

I always find Christmas time to be a bit awkward. Mostly because of the gifts thing. I just don’t have a talent for it.  Some people are really good at it and enjoy the whole process.  To me, gift exchanges are fraught with peril. A minefield of potential hurt emotions and disappointment. As I mentioned, I’m horrible at buying gifts for other people (since I’m too easily distracted with things I want).  I’m also horrible at knowing who I’m supposed to give gifts to.

Gift giving isn’t just about who you want to give gifts to but about who you expect will give you a gift (and therefore expect one in return). Sadly, I think gift giving requires a level of awareness of others and a sensitivity I’m just incapable of.  Or perhaps ignoring it just requires a level of insensitivity which I’m also incapable of.  Every year, I end up with gifts from people I didn’t expect to give me anything and end up giving gifts to people who didn’t get me anything. I don’t particularly care except the uneven exchange of gifts is often riddled with awkwardness and insincere declarations of, “Oh, you shouldn’t have!” and “Um, I left your gift at home by mistake.” I’m pretty good at ignoring awkwardness (or at least acknowledging it and generally alleviating it) but not everyone is and, in this instance at least, denial is a joint effort. 

I realize Christmas is not all about gift giving and material things (*cue Hallmark theme music*), but Christmas gifts have become an acknowledged means of showing gratitude for the people we care about. Unfortunately, I don’t have an endless supply of time, money and patience (or even a limited supply actually) so not everyone’s going to get the perfect gift. Maybe when I’m more organized and prepared and buy gifts at some point before December 24th. Until that time…um…your gift’s in the mail.

Blogger Bash ’05 was a smashing success.  Finally got to meet G and Vitatwin last night, as well as spend time with KQ, KA, the Frog, and some non-bloggers (J and Arm Candy).  =)  Thanks again for hosting G – it was fantastic!

The night was off to a good start when I managed to navigate my way to and through G’s (WOTWIFLI) Byzantine* apartment complex with a minimum number of detours (3).  It got even better when I arrived at G’s apartment and was greeted with hors d’oeuvre, or yum-yums, as my dad calls them, and cookies.  G, Vitatwin (G’s brother) and KQ proved to be even more charming in person than in cyberspace.  We played a terrific game of Taboo (honestly the BEST game EVER), invented inside jokes (most of which aren’t appropriate to repeat on this blog) and picked up new nicknames (Snort and Squeak were probably my favorites).

I must have used up my dose of navigational know-how getting to G’s place though because I managed to get loss on the way back home from his place (despite the fact that his apartment is less than a mile from my office).  At one point my car was at the corner of the street I take to get home and the street where my office is located and I could SEE my office, two blocks away.  I still wasn’t quite sure which way to go.  I actually had to drive back to the office, which, again, I could see from where I was, and start from there.  I seriously think whatever part of my brain controls spacial stuff is defective.  Seriously, seriously defective.

Oh, and per everyone’s request, here’s the article (and picture) of the alligator eating exploding snake.  This sad snake gives new meaning to the phrase “Don’t bite off more than you can chew.”

*Byzantine and Kafkaesque are two of my favorite words.  Mostly because they’re complicated and slightly obscure words which are somewhat ironically used as adjectives to describe things that are complex and, perhaps needlessly, intricate!  =)  (*hanging head in dorky shame now*)

Celebrated JL’s 27th birthday, and over 15 years of friendship, while I was home. JL is one of my Quad friends (a name that seemed very clever back in high school). It constantly amazes me how the four of us have weathered this much time together. We’ve all spent more than half our lives with each other, although it’s rare to have the four of us in the same city nowadays. The last time we were all able to meet up was in Vegas this June, where, in increasingly typical Quad fashion, two of us bailed on the first day. Me for work and another member for a bridal shower. I showed up sick and tired but put on my best face – which was horrible to say the least. I am not good at faking being well, although I excel at exaggerating being sick.

Got sick again this weekend while out and about in the artic tundra that is northern California. (Seriously, what has LA done to me?) I spent all weekend shivering. Am a little proud of the fact that I risked frostbite to go running on Friday, something, by the way, one does not do in San Jose if one is not prepared to face an onslaught of staring strangers. Running outside the confines of a gym is not a particularly common phenomenon in San Jose.

Being at home always makes me think about the passage of time and, somewhat oddly yet maybe understandably, makes me want to read T.S. Eliot (whom I do not profess to understand at all). Anyways, with that in mind, I thought I’d share one of my favorite passages from one of my favorite poems, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.

If I actually did have time, I’d write pages and pages about why I love this poem and its imagery and allusions, how it applies to this post in particular, and why it’s sad and beautiful in its entirety, but I have to get back to billing. (Plus, I try to remain somewhat aware of everyone’s attention span!)