My Life, As Told Between (Baby Cakes') Naps

Trial in three weeks.  Too much work, not enough time.  Don’t even know where to begin.  Am literally paralyzed with fear.  Post currently being dictated to typing monkey.  Monkey is threatening to quit due to high workload.  Poor monkey.  Poor me.

*The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random could eventually type out the complete works of Shakespeare.  Surely it could also handle some trial prep.

I’m way too busy to be doing this, but I’m also entirely too easily distracted, so here goes. I’ve been taged by Geeky Chic’s Ms. E for this meme. See below and then watch out because if you have a blog and I know you (sadly, this number is all too small), you’re next.

1) Total # of books you own?
Including trashy romance / chick lit / mystery / sci-fi / children’s books as well as the “serious” ones, probably close to a thousand.

2) What was the last book you bought?
I have several books on my to be read pile, but the last one I purchased and haven’t cracked open was Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner. I’ve heard mixed reviews, but am interested enough that I’ll eventually read it. Judging from my schedule this will most likely occur when it ceases to be even marginally relevant.

3) What’s the last book you read?
Non-Fiction: The United States of Wal-Mart. Nothing earth-shattering (Wal-Mart’s evil, what’s new?), but well written, entertaining and more balanced than I expected.

Fiction: The Historian. This book, about the search for Dracula, has gotten a lot of buzz. For its subject matter, it’s more literary than sensational, but I agree with most of the reviews – starts out well, but drags in the middle and has an anticlimatic ending.
4) List five books that are particularly meaningful to you (in no particular order) [Note: This requires entirely too much time to answer with any depth, so here’s the long and short of it. Read into it what you will.]

Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 (it was either this or 1984 and I didn’t want to steal two of Ms. E’s books!)

Jared Diamond’s Guns, Germs and Steel

Sherwood Anderson’s Winesburg, Ohio

Shel Silverstein’s The Missing Piece

William Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury

5) Tag 5 people and have them fill the quiz out on their own blogs.
The Wombat, The Frog, G, KQ, KA

Sorry for the lack of updates.  I’m going to trial in about three weeks, so I’m deep in the trenches.  The “war room” is all set up and we’re getting ready to settle in for the long haul.  Sigh.  I probably won’t see the light of day again for the next few weeks.  Pray for me!  (Speaking of which, I was kneeling next to a box on the ground, looking for a document the other day when the MP walks by.  Noticing me, he stops right in front of me silently until I looked up.  He then placed both hands on the side of my head and said, “Heal my child.  Heal!”, smiled and walked away.)

WOTWIFLI, compliments of CH although not necessarily apropos of anything in my life at the moment, is schadenfreude. 

First, we won an important motion I wrote last month.  Yay!  (Writing the motion itself wasn’t bad.  I sweated blood over the reply though.)  Second, I almost had to argue a small motion before the court next week.*  Boo!  (See below.) 

SP:  I was thinking, why not have you argue this motion?

Me:  —-

SP:  Y.? 

Me:  Seriously?  You want me to argue it? 

SP:  Yes.

Me:  Um, do I have to?  [You can tell, I’m super ambitious, right?]

SP:  No darling [she calls everyone darling – it’s really cute], you don’t have to at all.  I could easily argue it.  I just thought it would be a great learning experience for you.

Me:  Cause I don’t wanna. 

SP:  Okay.

Me:  Although…I guess I should, shouldn’t I?  I’ll have to sooner or later.

SP:  Wonderful.  It’ll be terrifying, but you will do great. 

Me:   —-

As it turns out, I’m not going to after all because, as several people pointed out, it makes more sense for SP to argue it (given the context of the motion).  I’m not sure whether to be disappointed or highly relieved.  At the moment, I’m leaning towards relieved.

Off to Arizona tomorrow.  Back next week! 

*Before the trial, the court (usually a different department than the one where the trial will be conducted) holds hearings to address various motions that are brought before it.  These motions can include things like asking the court to:  transfer the case to another court, compel the other party to produce documents or respond to questions, exclude evidence at trial, etc.

Poor penguins. Judging by this movie, they have a hard life. What with the starving and the freezing and all. If I were a baby penguin my first thought would be “F*ck, I’m a PENGUIN?!”

Well, at least they’re cute. They’ve got that going for them.

(Of course, after having seen this movie, I now desparately want a penguin. I even have a name picked out – Pudgy the Penguin. Please note Christmas is coming up. Penguins would be greatly appreciated.)

This week at work:

I fell victim to one of the dreaded prank emails.  A senior associate sent me an email from my friend’s computer stating that she was going to break up with her boyfriend.  I briefly considered picking up the phone to console her, but opted not to because (a) I was on a super tight deadline and (b) she has a tendancy to cry (I can’t deal with tears; I’m a boy like that ).  So instead, I sent her back a consoling email (and no, that is not an oxymoron!).  Luckily I didn’t start trashing her boyfriend, both because he’s a nice guy and because I’ve learned my lesson about trashing friends’ not-necesarily-permanently-ex boyfriends, as this email did not come from her but came from said senior associate.  She made the mistake of leaving her post unattended.  =)  (I guess I also made the mistake of responding via email rather than picking up the phone and asking her if everything was okay.  But really.  Crying!!)

JP was out of the office, but called periodically so I could fill him in on what he was missing.  It’s a law firm.  Nothing much happens.  He always sounds slightly disappointed, like he expected the Apocalypse to have occured in his absence.  I am tempted to lie the next time he calls and make up something about the earth crashing into the sun.

One of the other associates pointed out recently that this job is a two-shift job.  Unfortunately, we have to work both shifts.  Except for weekends.  When we only work one shift.  Each day. 

I actually managed to take a whole day off this weekend to attend the Babydolls’ Bash at Sangria.  (Speaking of which, I wish I could go back in time to when I could have more than one drink and NOT get sick the next morning.  Apparently that time has passed.  Sickness aside, it was terrific seeing everyone.  Even if I was convinced I was going to die the next morning.)  Sadly enough, I couldn’t squeeze in a second day off to go to the Jack Johnson concert on Sunday, although I was in the office until 10pm that night, which is almost as much fun.  (*sarcasm dripping*)  =)

Sure, there are moments when the other associates and I contemplate sustaining semi-serious injuries (car accidents seem to be a favored scenario) as a means of escaping work the next morning, but there are also moments where we just have to sit back and enjoy the insanity that is this firm.  Three attorneys in the office, including the Managing Partner, are particularly notorious for pulling practical jokes.  The newest wave of pratical jokes involve sending emails from another attorney’s computer.  Lately, everyone’s scared to leave their computers unlocked for fear of discovering an embarrasing email had been sent in their name to another member of the firm or to a loved one.  The holy grail is another person’s password because it means unlimited access to his or her email account.  No one is safe.  So if anyone receives a strange email from me, it wasn’t me.  

If I have to work at a law firm, I’m glad it’s this bizarro one.  Now if anyone sees cool, thin and well-rested me in bizarro world, tell her “hi” for me.