My Life, As Told Between (Baby Cakes') Naps

I’m feeling human again.  After a crazy week, SP told me to take off insanely early on Friday (I got orders to leave at 11am, although I stuck around until 3pm) and not to work this weekend because she was worried I was stretching myself too thin and was too much of a trooper to tell her.  She then called my office five minutes later to tell me, in case she hadn’t made it embarrassingly clear during the team meeting, that I had done a fantastic job.  JP ran into my Roomie at the office this weekend and informed her she’s in charge of making sure I didn’t sneak into the office against orders.  I really love these people.  =) 

Slept the sleep of the dead most of the day Friday.  Spent Saturday at a block party in Manhanttan Beach within a few feet of the beach.  The block party was the quintessential SoCal summer experience.  A great reggae band, an abundance of beer, plenty of sunshine and fantastic friends.*  I was not nearly cool enough to be there.  Luckily, I was shielded by super-cool friends, kept my sunglasses on, mumbled that I did “law stuff,” and smiled enough to fool everyone.  =)  For all that I complain about SoCal, it has its good points.  Saturday was definitely one of them.  Thanks all!**

*G, since KQ, KA, ML and I were all there and you were not, we’ve assigned KQ the task of harrassing you to (a) post more and (b) organize our dinner.  There is to be much finger shaking and general nagging until these two tasks are accomplished.

**I realize this post is sadly lacking in sharp, satirical comments and for that I apologize.  I’m feeling much too relaxed and rested to post anything but warm and fuzzies today.  *Hugs all around*

Four days.  14.5 hours of sleep.  I may die.

It’s bad when everyone in the office asks if those were the same clothes you were wearing yesterday.  And the day before.

Three days.  10 hours of sleep.  Two weeks.  No days off.  Running out of steam. . .

Since y’all seem to like the work stories, here are two more funny exchanges.  One’s between another associate on my team and the other junior partner, JP2 (he’s below the SP, but more senior than the other JP), and the other is an email exchange between me and JP2:

JP2 and Associate

Associate: Did you get a chance to look over the objections I emailed?

JP2: Yes, it looks good.

Associate: So I can just print them out and give them to JC to file?

JP2: Yes.  I generally find objections are more effective if they’re filed with the Court. Those silent objections don’t seem to work as well.

An (email) exchange between me and JP2

JP2: The letter is excellent. Let her rip…

Me: Thanks.  I am so lame for asking, but by ‘[l]et her rip,’ do you mean forward the letter to X and ask him to review, sign and deliver it?

JP2: Yup.

[Followed promptly by this email]

JP2: FYI – ‘yup’ signifies my agreement with your statement.

Me:  I’m only mildly lame! =)

[Followed seconds later by a phone call from JP2.]

JP2:  Don’t be offended!

Me:  (Still laughing hysterically)  I’m not offended!  The smilely face was supposed to signify that I thought it was funny.

JP2:  Okay.  Just checking.

I don’t usually post twice in one day. In fact, I don’t know that I ever have, but JP made another funny comment today and minutes later a friend of mine emailed me asking for more work stories, so I thought I’d post this short one. Plus, I really, really don’t want to write this motion.In any case, to provide some background for this story: (1) My eyes are still bothering me so I’ve taken to wearing my new glasses (which I LOVE) to work for the last few weeks. Today, I thought I would try the contact lenses again to see if the problem had magically solved itself (the verdict’s still out). (2) I am wearing a shawl today. This will all make sense in a minute. I promise.

This exchange occured at the office monthly birthday celebration, whereby those of us not chained to the desk that day gather in the kitchen for homemade cake (made every month by the sweetest secretary) to celebrate that month’s birthdays.

JP: (*Noticing I don’t have my glasses on*) “You need to decide whether you’re going to wear glasses or not. This switching back and forth is confusing me.”

Me: “Yes, Sir.” (*Said both meekly and mockingly*)

JP: (*Noticing the shawl*) “What are you wearing? Is that a scarf or something?”

Me: “It’s a shawl. Do you like it?”

JP: “Uh, it’s okay. What does it do?”

Me: “What do you mean what does it do? It’s a shawl. It does this.” (*Gesturing to shawl draped elegantly across shoulders*)

JP: “Oh.”

A few days ago, JP returned a draft of something I had handed him.  Usually my drafts return hemorhaging red ink and shuffling off on its last mortal coil.  This time, it had only substained a flesh wound and was barely limping.  After making the required changes, I dropped by JP’s office to pilfer pretzels, which he keeps in plentiful supply on his desk, and to ask if I could send the document out the door.  He replies, “Yes, thanks.”  I stand by expectantly, a porter waiting for the tip.  After a couple of seconds, JP notices and looks up, slightly baffled.

“Aren’t you going to compliment me?”  I ask, spoiled after too many assigments for SP, who strongly believes in positive reinforcement.

“What?”  He inquires, bemusement splayed across his usually stoic features.

“Well, you barely revised this draft!”  I reasonably point out.

“Barely?”  He says, one eye-brow raised superciliously.

“Don’t you remember how bad the first thing I turned into you was?”

“Yeah.”  He whispers, noticebly wincing at the memory, a distant look in his eyes as he recalls the horror.  “That was really bad.  I guess this is better.”

It’s a good thing I have a healthy ego…

I have nothing interesting to say today,* but my friend the Frog has a really good post up.  You should read it, and then, if you are a lowly male, take a minute to appreciate the women in your lives (gifts would help).  We (I) have it hard.  Woe is us (me).

*And yes, this is premised on the assumption that interesting things do occasionally find their way onto this blog – although usually because they got lost on their way somewhere else.

Because I’m fascinated by people I know nothing about, I find this interesting site addicting.  It was featured in the NY Times recently.  (Warning:  The site can be very disturbing and sad.)

That is all for today.  I promise my next post will contain some kind of plot.  Or character development.  Or something at least marginally interesting.  Or maybe just more randomness.  Speaking of which, my hair has been doing really well recently.  The water filter has worked miracles and the latest cut destroyed the last vestiges of the mullet.  (Die mullet!  Die!)

This weekend I . . .

Hung out with a friend visiting from New York.  Apparently MB, the aforementioned friend, feels slightly slighted that I’ve never posted about her or our enduring, inspirational, movie-worthy friendship (happy MB?), so I’m making it a point to do so now.  We spent a good deal of the weekend lounging around my apartment and napping, getting up only to find another surface to nap upon, while my Roommate (another friend from law school) cleaned and did various other productive-type things.  This was reminiscent of law school itself, where I spent the better part of three years napping. 

Drove to Venice, searched endlessly for parking, wept at the utter futility of it all, gave up and went home. 

Inadvertantly ended up amidst a late night freeway drag race.  Because it’s California and stuff like that happens.

Met some new people and finally visited The Underground (the Frog‘s favorite bar in Long Beach).  I had a lot of fun, despite the fact that the eighty-year old woman who’s taken over my body recently demanded that I leave fairly early on in the night.  She was not happy to have been kept up past her bedtime.

Read the latest Harry Potter book.  Yeah, because I’m just not nerdy enough.  It was good, but upon completion necessitated an immediate phone call to my equally nerdy little sister so we could both bawl together.

Bought a boatload of new songs for Apple the ipod.  I’m not going to share which ones because you might stop being my friends if you knew my appalling taste in music (or lack thereof).

Got a little bit fatter.  For the millionth weekend in a row, I did not make it to the gym again.  And I’m supposed to start training for the LA marathon next Saturday.  Hey.  Don’t snicker.

Worked.  A lot.

Decided I’m going to write a romance novel.  Because, really, how awesome would it be to tell people that’s what you do for a living?  “Oh me?  Well, I used to be a corporate lawyer specializing in real estate litigation, but now I write romance novels.  What do you do?”

This is not a tidy job.  It frequently spills over into other aspects of my life.  As much as I try to keep it contained, things just keep spilling over.

I was thinking earlier this week that (1) I complain entirely too much about my job (which I actually oftentimes enjoy) and my life (what little I can squeeze in between my work), (2) I am going to be more efficient and not kill all of my weekends, and (3) I should post about things I’m thankful for (believe it or not, I’m generally a very happy, almost irritatingly upbeat person). . . but then I got a load of work yesterday (all urgent), a request (albeit a very nice one) to work this weekend from a partner who does not realize I’ve been working virtually EVERY weekend, and a gentle reminder to keep my hours up (despite the fact that I work all the time, I think I’m particularly inefficient because my hours are average at best).  So yeah, no warm and fuzzy post today.  Just more ranting.  

WOTWIFLI:  Myrmidon.  

Another Sunday in the office.  And our document management program isn’t working, which means I can’t access any of my documents.  If I were a crier, I’d be on the verge of tears.  Sigh.  If this keeps up, Monday will be truly horrific.  WOTWIFLI:  vicissitude.  As in, days like today are just part of the vicissitudes of life.

Bought an ipod this weekend, basically because everyone else had one.  Plus, a little part of me was hoping that it would inspire me to go to the gym more.  I had no idea how many accessories were vital to keeping the little monster happy.  I’ve named it Apple, partly because it is green and partly because, well, its made by Apple. 

My Roomie went with me to buy Apple.  On the drive back from the store, I asked her a question about how to operate my new ipod.  She showed me hers and explained its features.  I, completely forgetting what inspired my question, commented with all sincerity, “Wow, I wish I had one of those.” 

Off to lunch soon.  I hope.  Waiting for one of my co-workers to talk to the senior partner, who’s been MIA recently, before we head off.  Feels like I’ve been waiting forever.  I hope said co-worker can track down said SP soon as my stomach is ready to consume itself. 

Sorry postings have been rather sparse lately.  I’ve been out of town and work’s been busy.  I finally threw my hands up in the air and went home at 9:30 last night when I kept coming up with dead-ends and couldn’t find an answer to a question I thought needed to be addressed that night.  Of course, I spent the rest of the night anxious (well, the hour I was awake anyways) that I was going to be fired today, only to find out it wasn’t a big deal at all.  And this is why attorneys have ulcers.

And now the moment you all have been waiting for (the moment for which you have all been waiting?).  My WOTWIFLI is pulchritude.  It’s not as exciting as last week’s (yes, I find words exciting, leave me alone) but it’s a word I’ve been coming across a lot recently, as in “Angelina and Brad are a pulchritudinous pair.”  After having seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I’d have to agree.  (FYI, the movie was semi-entertaining as long as you suspend all disbelief and moral qualms.) 

*Um, and yes, the title was a not-so clever reference to Waiting for Gadot. 

So I turned in my rush assignment this week and apparently it didn’t suck.  This caused the brilliant junior partner on my team, who’s not assigned to the case, to say, “Hey, I hear [the senior partner] liked your work.  Keep it up.”  Being as close to a compliment as JP’s ever given me, this statement caused me to immediately stop in my tracks and stare at him, dumbfounded.  “Wait.  Did you just almost compliment me?!  I have to note this momentous occasion!”  (Yes, I can be a little cheeky sometimes.)  His reply?  “Well, don’t go resting on your laurels.”  Unless resting on my laurels involves developing an ulcer because I’m worried I missed a procedural rule that will cause the court to throw out my motion, this probably isn’t a concern.

Meanwhile, when I’m not busy resting on my laurels, I’m reading articles about morbid obesity.  A friend of mine who knows my unhealthy and odd fascination with this topic sent me this lengthy article.  Those of you who didn’t know this about me apparently haven’t been to any cocktail parties with me recently.  Sadly enough, I can discuss it ad naseum.  And have.