A Vow to You

Hi baby,

Mommy has been thinking about what’s the best way to remember you. Some parents who went through the similar experience might plant a tree, make a necklace with the baby name/birthday, or sponsoring a memorial chair in the park or something…

As much as your mommy loves tree and parks, I can’t imagine seeing a dog peeing on your name (thanks to your sister’s best practice =) or termites eating up the tree…

Since you are forever living in my heart, I think the best way to honor you is for mommy to make a vow to you.

I came to realize that (esp after reading Martha Beck’s article on Labyrinth) it is not much about what enlightenment or meaning I can get from your departure. Rather, it is how you’ve changed me since you came to my life. With this vow, mommy will carry you and will turn the meaning of your existence to make this (and my) world a better place.

With this vow…

I will take good care of myself as it’s the best way to honor you.

I will try to use my ‘new set of eyes’ to see this world. To make peace. To seek the most comfort in every moment.

If daddy and I are fortunate to pregnant (with your brother / sister) again, I will make sure I’ll spend each and every single day with your daddy. No trip or long distance alone.

I will put my happiness and comfort above all.

I will forever treasure the time and days we spent together.

I will forgive more. Try to leave no pain behind.

I will live my life to the fullest as it’s the best way to honor you, my first child.