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Soft Drink Surveillance

April Fool’s joke? Google Gulp: chip-embedded, brain-altering soft drinks that you can only get Gmail-style, by invitation:

How to get Gulped?
You can pick up your own supply of this “limited release” product simply by turning in a used Gulp Cap at your local grocery store. How to get a Gulp Cap? Well, if you know someone who’s already been “gulped,” they can give you one. And if you don’t know anyone who can give you one, don’t worry – that just means you aren’t cool. But very, very (very!) soon, you will be.

Google Gulp and Your Privacy
From time to time, in order to improve Google Gulp’s usefulness for our users, Google Gulp will send packets of data related to your usage of this product from a wireless transmitter embedded in the base of your Google Gulp bottle to the GulpPlex™, a heavily guarded, massively parallel server farm whose location is known only to Eric Schmidt, who carries its GPS coordinates on a 64-bit-encrypted smart card locked in a stainless-steel briefcase handcuffed to his right wrist. No personally identifiable information of any kind related to your consumption of Google Gulp or any other current or future Google Foods product will ever be given, sold, bartered, auctioned off, tossed into a late-night poker pot, or otherwise transferred in any way to any untrustworthy third party, ever, we swear. See our Privacy Policy.

3 Responses to “Soft Drink Surveillance”

  1. guy
    April 1st, 2005 | 2:41 pm

    yeah, obviously an april fool’s joke. people at google still think that that’s something funny or cute. i guess that’s the way people think in northern california.

    crappy photoshop job, too.

  2. cynthia rockwell
    April 1st, 2005 | 8:09 pm

    but the 2GB gmail storage seems to be for real, yeah?

  3. guy
    April 1st, 2005 | 10:38 pm

    yeah, i even buy they’re infinite storage idea…

    they don’t really need to have that much space because not only don’t most users use it up, so they can just promise without delivering, they can have the same large files for everyone, they don’t need to keep a copy in each one’s mailbox.