My Life, As Told Between (Baby Cakes') Naps

(On the way up to work this morning. Wearing a shirt that makes me look extra-big.)

Random woman on the elevator: How far along are you?

Me: I have three months left.

RW: Congratulations! Is it a boy or a girl?

Me: A boy. Our first! We’re really excited.

RW: We’re having a girl. (Pats tiny tummy.) It’ll be our first too!

Me: (Looking over at very petite Asian woman) Congrats! How far along are you?

RW: I think I’m about two weeks ahead of you.

Me: (Silence)

Me: But…but…you’re so little!!

RW: (Laughs) It’s just what I’m wearing.

Me: (On verge of breakdown) But, I’m HUGE! And you’re so LITTLE!!

RW: (Says something vaguely reassuring. Gets off elevator.)

Me: (Crying on the inside.)