I’m no jetsetter, and I hate flying, but I’ve visited a lot of airports. Arriving at the San Diego airport, I tried to recall all the airports I’ve visited (not counting refueling or plane changes: Boston, Manchester, NewYork (LaGuardia and JFK), Charlotte, St Louis (technically a layover, but my flight was delayed many hours, so I got to know the airport intimately. There are smoking booths! Right in the middle of the terminal.), Seattle, Los Angeles, Miami, Tampa, Key West, Belize City, London (Heathrow and Gatwick), Paris (Orsay), Malta, Catania (Sicily), Helsinki, St Petersburg, Moscow, and San Diego. You know how I like to declare myself an expert. On with the tips!
Get a Ride:
I convinced Elias to give me a ride to the airport, first by pouting and fluttering my eyelashes (yes, this works over the phone), second by explaining how easy it is now to get to and from the airport and how there’s no chance of getting lost.
Always Opt for E-Tickets:
I arrived two hours early, as mandated by the orange alert. I wheeled over to the line in front of the American Airlines desk, estimating about 70 people in front of me. An AA representative tapped me on the shoulder and gestures to group of passengers behind me, a second line. I moved to the end of the even longer line, relieved that I allowed so much check-in time. Then I spotted a sign for e-ticket self-check-in. I couldn’t help but feel smug as I breeze past the crowd to empty kiosks. This might be boring, old-news to frequent air travelers, but these kiosks are great. Swipe your credit card, enter your flight and baggage info, and your boarding pass is dispensed like an ATM receipt (and on the same flimsy paper). Wait a few seconds for the baggage handler to call out your name, and check your ID, and you’re on your way.
Avoid all Logan Airport Food:
With two hours to kill, I took over a table at the Terminal B restaurant. A cocktail and a bowl of soup cost me $15. Their recipe for tomato soup: Take several cans of Chef Boyardee mini cheese ravioli, strain, and heat.
Wear Non-Threatening Shoes:
The security check doesn’t live up to the orange-alert hype. I don’t have to remove my shoes (only my jacket, and, scarf – what could I conceivably hide in a scarf?), my bamboo knitting needles aren’t flagged, and I don’t set off the alarm when I pass through the metal detector. No pat-down for me today!
Stare at Your Fellow Travelers:
Spotted at the gate: one trucker hat, one feather boa (actually a long, fluffy, red scarf worn by a middle-aged woman who looks like she’s worn many a feather boa without irony), two lap dogs – one baby-substitute, one fashion accessory. The fashion accessory travels first class. You must quickly evaluate yourself when a sedated, yappy rat gets his own seat in first class, and you’re traveling coach.
Get a Breakfast Burrito at La Salsa at the San Diego Airport
I cannot stress the importance of this tip enough. San Diego is home to the La Salsa chain – what Taco Bell is like in heaven. As the eggs for my burrito were cracked onto the griddle next to the pile of fresh salsa I couldn’t understand why there was a line at McDonalds. I only ate a few bites of the burrito at the airport; I needed food-backup for the plane. In the end, I had an envy-inducing fruit plate and a super-tasty burrito. That almost made up for the turbulence.
