Marryin’ thoughts
So some of the furor over allowing gays to marry civilly has died down, and, predictably, I have some thoughts about it.
God, it’s a good thing. Just from the legal standpoint alone, it
simplifies a number of matters. BF and I are going through the
process of designating each other as our health-care proxies.
What this means is that in the event that either of us is unable to
make our own decisions regarding the care that we wish to receive, the
other will be the person empowered to act. We’re doing this for
two reasons. First, for both of us, the other partner is the
person we believe best knows our wishes and desires for how we want our
health care to proceed. Secondly, since we have no real legal
status toward one another, our next-of-kin would be the person
empowered to make health care decisions; in my case, at least, some
members of my family don’t approve of my relationship with BF and I
want to make sure both that he is the ultimate arbiter of my care and
that he is not excluded from taking care of me if something were to
happen.
We’re also going to go about registering as domestic partners in a
couple of months when our travels are over, primarily for the benefits,
as Harvard grad students are much better taken care of than students at
his university.
But all of this reminds me of how incredibly complicated the creation
of legal pathways to respect one’s wishes can be. And with the
marriage option finally open, there are plenty of people who keep
asking when we’re gonna tie the knot (which has even sparked an article in The Onion).
But our situation is more complicated than the simple act of getting
married. BF’s future employers, which will likely be Catholic
theology departments, may not look kindly upon his having a civil
marriage to another man, and they may even deny him a “mandatum” (a
sort of teachng license for Roman Catholic laity) because his marriage
would violate church law and teaching. So part of the decision
comes down to job versus marriage benefits. It’s not solely that,
but that’s at least a moderate consideration. And I’m not sure
how we’ll navigate that one. We love our jobs and we love each
other, and I don’t think either of us wants to have to choose.
Ecto blogging software
10 June 2004 at 1:23 pm.
As the BF, who sometimes can be as meticulous to detail as Mr. Nate, I wanted to make one little addendum…technically the mandatum comes not from the theology department, but from one’s local ordinary (the bishop)…which is precisely the argument over whether this is a public act with which the university should be concerned, or part of one’s private relationship with one’s bishop…it’s a long story, but that adds a paragraph or two…