Placeholders
I was talking with a friend last night, right as i was about to go to
bed, and he’s trying to figure out what to do with the person he’s
dating. He’s not into the person in a permanent way; he likes
hanging out and spending time with the person but doesn’t see the
relationship moving into a permanent place. So he’s doing this
dating for now, but he seems to feel a little out of sorts for being in
something he’s not committed to for the long term.
I guess I don’t see anything wrong with placeholder relationships, as
long as both people are generally aware that that’s what is going
on. Who decided that all of our relationships in life have to be
open-ended? We don’t keep friends, family, or lover forever, and
it seems unreasonable to think that every person we date has to be
decided upon quickly as relationship potential or not. I’ve dated
guys that I wasn’t planning on settling in with, but I enjoyed getting
to know them. They added to my life, taught me a bit about
romance and friendship, and they certainly have had an effect on my
life. I just knew from near the beginning that these were not the
guys I wanted to be with in the long term (‘though I’m pretty sure that
my current BF is that person)…. And I’d like to think they
learned half as much from me as I learned from them.
Any thoughts out there?
Ecto blogging software
31 October 2003 at 1:25 pm.
The term placeholder is perhaps a bit off-putting. What I don’t get is, what happens if one has a relationship with someone and then should discover that the LR potential isn’t there after all? How does one downgrade, as it were, a relationship from one state to another [without being utterly hideous to the person who’s been demoted] ?
4 November 2003 at 5:00 am.
Nathan, your comment is so scandalously cynical – but so true… Even my godliest friend has these stop-gap relationships. However, sometimes “placeholders” win upgrades to oh-my-goodness-you’re-meeting-my-mother people. (By the way Nathan, sorry for not answering your e-mail yet; I will now as I’m in bed with flu…)