A Place to Gather My Thoughts

This is going to look really out of place following my other posts, but wow my life is so crazy! Mostly in good ways too! I am going back to Hawaii next month, and nostalgia led me to look at my old 8th grade yearbook. I loved it there, but school-well, it was middle school! My Social Studies and especially my English teacher were amazing though, definitely cemented my identity as a humanities person (that and HATING algebra). Anyway, this is besides the point. I lived in Hawaii! I brought my parents together when everyone was banking on their divorce, had the strength to do this first in 3rd grade and thus leave a nice big house for a cramped apartment, and then I left them to sort out their problems for good while I went to Kailua! Insane! And now…I am at Harvard! Just thinking of those two places, Hawaii and Harvard, and realizing the unattainableness and their identity as two of the most amazing places, and I was very thankful for spending time with both, but I also seem to have felt I deserved it more than I do now. Not that I’m not capable, but really, why me? And what happened to this me that made things happen? I guess I’m still here. Wow, I guess I am pretty cool 😛

I am going to get my work together for school when I go back in a few days, and I am so excited about returning back to the Islands for Intercession!

Still want to sing though. Grr. Need a place to sing at that school of mine, it’s the only thing that really bothers me. I hate thinking that my dad was right all those years saying I should spend less time singing because that’s not where my future is. I don’t even care if it’s a career anymore, I just want the opportunity to do it once a week or so! I hate having to be quiet all the time. And now that it has been voer a year since I was on stage by myself, I am more self-conscious about singing in front of people. I always thought it was something I needed to do to be happy, and I can’t help still thinking that. But I am so lucky to have all of this other stuff going on, and blah. Have to do work.