Lead, Kindly Light

Today is gonna be the day
That they’re gonna throw it back to you
By now you should’ve somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don’t believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I’m sure you’ve heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don’t believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don’t know how

Because maybe
You’re gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You’re my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day?
But they’ll never throw it back to you
By now you should’ve somehow
Realized what you’re not to do
I don’t believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don’t know how

I said maybe
You’re gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You’re my wonderwall

I said maybe
You’re gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after an
You’re my wonderwall

Said maybe
You’re gonna be the one that saves me
You’re gonna be the one that saves me
You’re gonna be the one that saves me

Sometimes my prayers seem so empty
Your voice seems so far away
But in my pain I see You molding me
You are the potter, I’m the clay

In Your hands, for every storm there is a reason
In Your hands, there is a time for every season
Though my tears may fall, You hold me close
And love me through it all
In Your hands…

When the clouds form all around me
I know the rain will bring new life
With every trial just keep molding me
As your plan unfolds before my very eyes

You turn my weeping into dancing
You give my feet a place to stand
You will not turn away the asking
Even when Your ways are hard to understand

In Your hands, for every storm there is a reason
In Your hands, there is a time for every season
Though my tears may fall, You hold me close
And love me through it all
In Your hands…

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow.

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Hopefully I’ll get some time this weekend to post again, but in the meantime, here are lyrics to a song that’s been stuck in my head for a while –

For just a moment
I wish I could have been there
To see Your first step, hear Your very first word
Tell me, did You ever fall and scrape Your knee?
Did You know Your wounds would one day heal the world?

For just one moment
I wish I could have seen You growing
Learning the way of a carpenter’s son
Just a little boy gazing at the stars
Did You remember creating every one?

If You passed by, would I have seen a child or a King?
Or would I have known?

I wish I could have been there
My only wish is to see You face to face
I wish I could have been there
Just to see You, Jesus, face to face

For just a moment
I wish I could have been there
When You left Your footprints upon the waves
To walk along beside You, never look away
Just Your whisper and the wind and sea obey

To see You feed the people
To feel the healing in Your touch

I wish I could have been there
My only wish is to see You face to face
I wish I could have been there
Just to see You, Jesus, face to face

To hear You pray in the garden alone
Laying down Your will with each tear
To see You walk that lonely road
Willing to die for me

And in that moment
I know I should have been there
You took my cross and gave Your life

But You live again!
I wish I could have been there
I wish I could have seen You rise again
I wish I could have been there
My only wish is to see You face to face
Someday I’ll be there, I’m gonna be there
I’ll see Your face, Your mercy and grace
Someday, someday
Someday I’ll see You, my Jesus
Face to face

The ten rules from “My Sassy Girl” –

1. Don’t ask her to be feminine.
2. Don’t let her drink over three glasses. She’ll beat someone.
3. At a cafe, drink coffee instead of coke or juice.
4. If she hits you, act like it hurts. If it hurts, act like it doesn’t.
5. On your 100th day together give her a rose during her class. She’ll like it a lot.
6. Make sure you learn fencing and squash.
7. Also be prepared to go to prison sometimes.
8. If she says she’ll kill you, don’t take it lightly. You’ll feel better.
9. If her feet hurts, exchange shoes with her.
10. She likes to write, encourage her.

Watch the video to Shin Seung Hun’s “I Believe,” the theme song of “My Sassy Girl” here

The movie had some weird tangents that could have been omitted to make for a much more concise and poignant movie. But some parts were just priceless (see the ten rules above), as was the occasion for watching it. A surprise DVD, the prize of his hunt in K-Town’s videostores. Smooth move, Romeo.

For months, I couldn’t even listen to this song. I faithfully kept it on my ipod even as I shuffled other songs in and out of my current collection, but I was just as faithful in skipping it every time the familiar sprinkle of beginning notes began to sound.

When summer gave way to autumn, just as the leaves turned their full bronzes, golds, blazing reds, and blinding yellows, I felt the seasons begin to shift in my heart. I remember the first time I went back to play this song on the piano. It was oddly comforting to me then, though I was frustrated that my Korean fluency skills were infinitely minimal so I couldn’t sing along. I’d read some English translations, but surmised that none of them captured the true essence of the emotions of the song. “Was the world dazzling before I met you? Underneath that sky, all I’m left with are tears. I will save this place next to me…”

With only the melody to keep me company, the memories (in such a short time, so many were made, and magnified) just tumbled back in droves and swirled around me as I played. After months of holding back and protecting myself, I finally let myself go. With no one home except for the piano and me, the apartment was large enough to accommodate the mountain of emotional baggage that I hauled in with the simple movements of my fingers on keys of white and black.

* * *

I am thankful (and relieved?) to say that it’s getting easier and easier to leave this behind — the right way (I think), this time. It’s a daily exercise in lifting up the entire burden to God and asking Him to manage it, and manage me.

The picture painted on my heart last summer was full of promise; it was beautiful, vibrant, and irresistibly captivating. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it, even when the Artist abandoned the picture. And there it has remained, an unfinished portrait of what might have been. As time ticks on, the paint continues to dry and the color continues to set on the canvas of my heart. The Artist may have ceased to paint the picture I wanted most, but He certainly has not abandoned me. On the contrary, He keeps adding scenes in the forms of family, friends, and experiences.

And as the canvas of my life both extends and becomes more populated, the painting I desired so greatly at one time has lost its urgency along with (dare I say this?) some of its significance. But it still has a role to play. Though I have often wished for selective amnesia of the heart or an emotional drug to numb my senses, I have gradually come to embrace a different hope. I’ve decided that I still want to hang onto these, my sweetest of bitter memories. They are part of me, indelible pieces of my heart’s past and proof that it can love recklessly.

“Love is the only reason… as days pass by, if you forget the way, I’ll be waiting…“

You are the source of life

I can’t be left behind

No one else will do

I will take hold of You

 

I need You Jesus, I need You Jesus

 

My heart is Yours for life

I need Your hand in mine

No one else will do

Lord I put my trust in You

 

chorus

I need You Jesus to come to my rescue

Where else can I go?

There’s no other Name by which I am saved

Capture me with grace

I will follow You

 

My heart is Yours for life

I need Your hand in mine

No one else will do

Lord I put my trust in You

 

Listen to it on Youtube here –

Sometimes my prayers seem so empty
Your voice seems so far away
But in my pain I see You molding me
You are the potter, I’m the clay

In Your hands, for every storm there is a reason
In Your hands, there is a time for every season
Though my tears may fall, You hold me close
And love me through it all
In Your hands…

When the clouds form all around me
I know the rain will bring new life
With every trial just keep molding me
As your plan unfolds before my very eyes

In Your hands, for every storm there is a reason
In Your hands, there is a time for every season
Though my tears may fall, You hold me close
And love me through it all
In Your hands…

You turn my weeping into dancing
You give my feet a place to stand
You will not turn away the asking
Even when Your ways are hard to understand

In Your hands, for every storm there is a reason
In Your hands, there is a time for every season
Though my tears may fall, You hold me close
And love me through it all
In Your hands…

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you’ve always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can’t touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you’re gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you’re feeling more and more frustrated
And you’re getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There’s no need to rush
It’s like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It’s gonna happen and it’s
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You’re confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you’re gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you’re feeling more and more frustrated
And you’re getting all kind of impatient waiting

When you can’t wait any longer
But there’s no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It’s the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There’s no need to rush
It’s like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It’s gonna happen and it’s
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

Light and breath come from Your hand,

In Your presence, who can stand?

Even angels veil their sight, high and lifted, glorified.

Love outstanding overflows, in our hearts it ever grows

Sent to live and breathe through us;

Flow like waters, comes Your love.

Flow like waters, comes Your love.

Love like rain fall down, love like arms surround.

Hold the universe in place,

Hold my heart in Your embrace.

Loving Father, pure and right, waits, arms open, for the sight

Of the wayward son come home; celebration waits alone.

At first glimpse the Father runs, dripping tears fall on the son;

From His knees the Father lifts to embrace,

Yeah, to embrace and kiss his face.

Blood and sweat have made the way for the sinner gone astray.

Come and rest in His embrace, love has paved the way for grace.

Enter in, O wayward child, born in sin, now reconciled;

Live to please the Lord of love,

Live and breathe for home above, yeah,

Live and breathe for home above.

Love like rain fall down, love like arms surround.

Hold the universe in place,

Hold my heart in Your embrace.  Yeah,

Father, God come down. Father God, surround.

Take this wand’ring heart of mine,

Seal it for Thy courts divine, yeah,

Seal it for Thy courts divine.

 

Say won’t You say
Say that You love me
with love, ever, love, love everlasting?
All my devotion put into motion by You

Every morning I
have a chance to rise and give my all
but every afternoon I find I have only wasted time
In light of Your awe
Isn’t love amazing, I forgot how to speak
knowing You are near and I am finally free
My eyes fear to close
this reckless letting go is hard to bear
on the edge of all I need, still I cling to what I see
and what have I there?
Bred my own disaster, who have I to blame?
When all I need is waiting to be fanned to flame

I opened up my eyes to see You standing there
Oh I can barely breathe, and I can hardly bear
All the love that I feel for You inside
I hope You feel it now, some, somehow

~ listen to it here