Disappointment, Redux
SK pointed out at dinner tonight that this weekend was a hard one for me — between the SpaHa apartment and my vision for the small group that crashed last night at dinner when I posed it to a group of people whose support I feel I need, I’ve dealt with two major disappointments in the course of just a few days.
After leaving HK with a heart full of mission and purpose for my time here in the City, I prayed through my time in Cali, preparing all along for this chance to talk to my brothers and sisters about reviving a near-dead small group based on our law school fellowship. The response I received was not what I hoped and prayed for; it seems like these brothers and sisters are looking for a different kind of fellowship, one based in their respective churches, and they also want to branch out from the lawyer crowd. I totally understand their rationales, but the lack of enthusiasm for revitalizing a group that could act as a welcoming and enfolding force of spiritual bonding, care, growth, and outreach was discouraging.
So now, as I look around my circle here and find no one standing with me and sharing in this vision, I feel increasingly alone and weak. And I know it would be too great a burden to spearhead this on my own. And maybe this is God’s way of saying “No” or “Slow down” or “Not now.” J offered some insight along those lines — she said that God provides a mission, but He also provides people. Here, there are no people to walk alongside or with me on this. Maybe that’s a sign that I’m on the wrong track.
Sigh. I don’t know.