The economy is bad. I’m tattering on the brink of depression. I strive to walk the line of excellence. I have to gain back my mmph. I feel ever since I received those bad grades well, I’ve just lost the stamina I once had. I’ve fell into a pit and it’s hard to get out of and I wish I could scream and just let go of the eery feeling inside that’s stalking my heart. I miss my grandfather’s ear where I could just express my thoughts and he would listen. Sometimes, I feel like no one would understand the gravity of challenge I face but I always come back to remembering: it could always be worse.
I have people who are older who criticize me and tell me oh “you’re not going to make it big” or “you may not have what it takes” just because I’m not from some royal family with tons of money or because I don’t know people but… I have risen and I will still survive. I cry because I fail at Chemistry but hey, this is Harvard not some podunk school which is used to lowering the level expected. I’m fighting to fulfill a dream which many have failed at before me and which some never may have the chance to achieve or attempt to accomplish.
I’m now the ALB liaison and I find that I have to be a beacon and work for other’s needs and wherein I have t clearly define my own. What do I want or need in life? What is the importance of my life? I starkly look into the mirror only to feel the tears softly falling down my cheek. I remember coming here three long years ago with an eye towards becoming someone great. Sure, I’ve grown. But to put things into perspective I’ve also wasted a ot of time and resouces. I’ve blown through some money… but I mean I am almost done with my degree at Harvard so I guess it has taught me a lot.
I wish i could ramble on and on the feelings I’m feeling but somehow I have this feeling to just keep trying and keep knocking at the door, someone will notice. Sometimes, I just wish I could get alittle bit of an easier plate. I guess, though, that I should be thankful for the many things i do have… sometimes i just wish I didn’t expect so much out of myself.