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<\/span><\/p>\n Greetings fellow Harvardees! <\/span>I honestly can\u2019t recall a finer Constitution Day than this one. <\/span>Today, I quit my job as<\/span> Attorney General, and everyone is cheering me on. <\/span>I even got my first compliment from the New York Times! <\/span>When I said I was resigning, they wrote, \u201cAttorney General Alberto Gonzales has finally done something important to advance the cause of justice.\u201d <\/span>Whew, knocked one in there for justice just before the buzzer!<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n As a send-off, I decided to celebrate my Constitution Day by doing a few of my favorite things. <\/span>First, I had your phone tapped. Just kidding! <\/span>Well, even if I did, you\u2019d never know, so stop worrying \ud83d\ude09 <\/span>Second, I fired a few good senior prosecutors. <\/span>Who? <\/span>Funny thing is I don\u2019t recall! <\/span>Third, I instructed my staff to take the newbie, whoever he is, and give him a good old half-drowning, CIA-style. <\/span>That\u2019ll put him in the right mindset.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n The folks at the office were real nice too. <\/span>Cheney gave me Geneva Conventions toilet paper. <\/span>I thought that was funny. <\/span>Bush gave me Scooter’s old <\/span><\/span>Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card. <\/span>That\u2019s was a relief, though it might expire in 2008…gotta get before that grand jury soon. <\/span>Ashcroft didn\u2019t come to the goodbye party, which made me a little sad. <\/span>He\u2019s still angry about that whole hospital thing. <\/span>Next time = flowers.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n But nothing has been better than all the support I got at Harvard. <\/span>Students wore some very festive orange costumes to greet me at my 25th<\/sup> reunion last spring. <\/span>I\u2019d like to thank you for that. <\/span>Afterwards, a whole bunch of my Class of 1982 buddies wrote me a fine letter<\/a> recognizing some of my achievements. Best of all<\/span>, the Dean gave me a proud mention in her commencement speech last year<\/a>: \u201cOne lawyer who issues expedient and unsupported legal opinions to justify whatever his client (in this case, the government) wants to do…\u201d <\/span>Read the speech, and you’ll see that was so <\/em>me. One day, that could be you too! Just keep those priorities straight! <\/span><\/p>\n —<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n So friends, as you start your legal careers, remember what Archibald Cox, special Watergate prosecutor and former HLS professor, said in a press conference after he was fired by Nixon for subpoenaing the White House tapes: \u201cWhether our government shall be a government of laws and not of men is now for the American people to decide.\u201d Will you be an Archie or a Gonzo?<\/span>: <\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n Uphold the law, and get fired in glory. <\/span>Bend it, and resign in shame.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n —<\/p>\n
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