{"id":298,"date":"2023-03-27T15:27:03","date_gmt":"2023-03-27T19:27:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/?p=298"},"modified":"2023-03-27T15:32:35","modified_gmt":"2023-03-27T19:32:35","slug":"298","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/2023\/03\/27\/298\/","title":{"rendered":"Does Prince Charming really exist? Will you find your Cinderella?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Does<\/b> Prince Charming<\/b><\/span> really exist? Will you find your <\/b>Cinderella<\/b><\/span>?<\/b><\/p>\n

One adolescent day you may find yourself wondering about what your future will look like and with whom\u2026will you be married? Have kids? Will you be single? Or what about this\u2026have you looked up your zodiac sign to see your and your partner’s compatibility? Are you currently in a romantic relationship and looking for ways to strengthen your bond? Perhaps looking for evidence on what makes romantic relationships last long-term?<\/span><\/p>\n

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There are so many questions and uncertainties that may leave someone stressed and lost\u2026so that is why we\u2019re going to help explain what research says about finding your perfect match!<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

(Karley<\/span>)<\/p>\n

What is your <\/span>zodiac sign?<\/span> I\u2019m a Libra\u2026oh you\u2019re a Gemini.. that explains it\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Have you ever heard that before? If not, the term Gemini and Libra refer to an individual’s zodiac sign which comes from astrology (Helgertz & Scott., 2020) (if you want more information google it because i’m not telling you about the history of the zodiac signs). But briefly, the idea of astrology has been around since before the birth of Christ and suggests that the positioning of celestial objects at a certain time play a significant role in the individual’s life in terms of their personality, motivation, wants and needs (Helgertz & Scott.,2020). Specifically, western astrology focuses on the horoscopic nature suggesting that predictions can be made based on the positioning of the planets and this stars typically at birth (Helgertz & Scott.,2020). As you may know many people are very into astrology and zodiac signs and thus rely on them religiously to dictate their future\u2026 Back in elementary school my friends and I would go on a website to see how compatible we were with our crushes \u2026wouldn\u2019t this be awesome if we could just go around asking people what their horoscope is and then depending on their answer it would potentially be a perfect match!! \u2026sadly that is not the case <\/span>??<\/span><\/p>\n

There has been some research on the idea that one\u2019s horoscope can make someone more or less compatible with another with the earliest study dating 1970. This study by Bernie Silverman looked to test the validity of astrological predictions by comparing marital compatibility of couples who were matched by zodiac signs to couples who were matched randomly (Silverman., 1970). He had 2,978 couples who were married in Michigan between 1967 and 1968 and the astrological signs were obtained from their marriage certificates (Silverman., 1970). Their compatibility was assessed using a questionnaire that measured several aspects of their relationship such as their communication skills, conflict resolution skills and sexual satisfaction (Silverman., 1970). The results showed no significant difference in marital compatibility between couples who were matched by astrological signs versus couples matched randomly (Silverman., 1970).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One more recent study that seems to be a landmark study\u2026 (but I cannot find it anywhere but is mentioned everywhere). The study had 20 million husbands and wives in England and Wales and Dr.David Voas from the University of Manchester analyzed these relationships and found no evidence that shows attraction due to zodiac signs (University of Manchester., 2007). He got his information from the 2001 census and says the following “When you have a population of ten million couples, then even if only one pair in a thousand is influenced by the stars, you’d have ten thousand more couples than expected with certain combinations of signs, there’s no such evidence, though: the numbers are just what we’d predict on the basis of chance.”(University of Manchester., 2007). So it does seem pretty promising that zodiac signs are unreliable.<\/span><\/p>\n

It is worth mentioning that these studies are strictly correlational and it would be very unethical to test this experimentally\u2026but with all that being said, is there something that we can look for in our partner to make sure we are compatible??\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Should you look for someone similar to you? Or different from you?… <\/span>Do opposites attract?\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

A few researchers\u2019 looked at this experimentally and investigated the importance of four factors in determining romantic attraction; similarity, reciprocity, security, and physical attractiveness (Luo & Zhang., 2009). This was investigated using a speed-dating paradigm in which participants had several short conversations with individuals and then rated their attraction (Luo & Zhang., 2009). After three speed dating events participants were given surveys to assess their partners, and after that the researchers analyzed them (Luo & Zhang., 2009). Researchers found that\u00a0 similarity and reciprocity were the most influential factors in predicting romantic attraction (Luo & Zhang., 2009). Moreover they found participants were more likely to be attracted to those who shared their same interests, values, and attitudes (Luo & Zhang., 2009). All in all, the study suggests that similarity and reciprocity are more important than attractiveness and security when predicting attraction\u2026 So does that mean we have to go look for our \u201cpersonality twin\u201d for the perfect partner?? Not quite\u2026 one systematic review looked at 313 studies that looked at actual partners in relationships and found that similarity in attitudes is what made people more attracted to each other (Montoya, Horton, & Kirchner., 2008). Moreover, they also mention that\u00a0 someone may have preferences for someone because they see things in them that they lack (Montoya, Horton, & Kirchner., 2008)… So it seems as though we are attracted to those who are more similar to us and those who compliment us <\/span>???<\/span><\/p>\n

So\u2026 once we find someone who is similar, <\/span>what makes the relationship last?<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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(Sophia)<\/span><\/p>\n

The beginning of a romantic relationship is always an exciting time. There is this novel sense of excitement, joy, and love that draws you into the person and makes it seem as though everything is right in the world. As time goes on, however, the flames die down and reality starts to make itself known again. Romantic relationships require continuous nurturing and attention, specifically regarding three vital components: \u201cintimacy, passion, and commitment\u201d (Kansky, 2018, p. 2). The strength of each of these components defines how a relationship may be classified by different kinds of love, which include \u201cromantic, companionate, empty, infatuation, and consummate\u201d (Kansky, 2018, p. 2). How these components grow and interact with each other is vital for relationship development and satisfaction. Attachment styles also play a crucial role in the success of romantic relationships, as the parental figure one forms their attachment style with will eventually get transferred to how they interact with their partner. In fact, attachment styles are so crucial to romantic relationships that it can be a predictor of how successful a relationship can and will be. Secure attachment styles in relationships consist of security and closeness, but when one perceives their partner as unavailable or untrustworthy, insecure attachment styles can form. Another important aspect of successful relationships is sexual satisfaction, which has been found to be a telling sign of how stable the relationship is. Couples that feel sexually satisfied in their relationship also points to how well they communicate with one another and understand one another’s needs (Kansky, 2018).<\/span><\/p>\n

Ok so, we know the basics of what makes a relationship successful, but how do you maintain it? More importantly, what can prove to be an obstacle in maintaining it? Two words: hedonic adaptation. This term describes the phenomenon of various challenges that become present when attempting to return to baseline after a positive or negative event, such as newlyweds fresh from their wedding who must go on with their daily lives after. Or a partner losing their job and having to manage financial difficulties while looking for a new job. How well partners can manage these adaptations is a major indicator of stability and satisfaction in a relationship. Of importance is ensuring that adapting does not equate to boredom, as studies have shown that it can become toxic in romantic relationships. One way to avoid boredom is to include positive experiences that keep partners engaged in adapting. If the boosts in happiness start to dwindle in relationships, they will quickly adapt and become bored. Eventually, positive events and emotions will not be enough to ward off boredom, so novelty in these experiences is another strengthening factor for maintaining relationships. So instead of doing the same thing on Friday nights, try something different! It may just bring you that much closer. Appreciation of this process is also vital for relationship longevity, and reduces the risk of taking your partner for granted. Along with appreciation comes the delicate balance of expectations. Having high expectations of one’s partner has only been shown to be affiliated with higher quality relationships when the partnership has both reasonable desires and healthy communication skills (<\/span>Jacobs & Lyubomirsky, 2013)<\/span>. Expectations that are associated with feelings of \u201centitlement or deservingness\u201d have been shown to be especially harmful to the welfare of romantic relationships (<\/span>Jacobs & Lyubomirsky, 2013, p. 200)<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Clearly, romantic love takes a lot of work, but it can also be a beautiful and fulfilling aspect of life. The characteristics that make up a healthy relationship also allow for personal growth and discovery. So don\u2019t rush trying to find \u201cthe one\u201d. Good things come to those who wait.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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References<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Helgertz, J., & Scott, K. (2020). The validity of astrological predictions on marriage and divorce: A longitudinal analysis of Swedish register data. <\/span>Genus<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>76<\/span><\/i>(1). https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1186\/s41118-020-00103-5<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Jacobs Bao, K., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2013). Making it last: Combating hedonic adaptation in romantic relationships. <\/span>The Journal of Positive Psychology<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>8<\/span><\/i>(3), 196\u2013206. <\/span>https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1080\/17439760.2013.777765<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Kansky, J. (2018). What’s love got to do with it?: Romantic relationships and well-being. In E. Diener, S. Oishi, & L. Tay (Eds.), Handbook of well-being. Salt Lake City, UT: DEF Publishers. DOI:nobascholar.com<\/span><\/p>\n

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Luo, S., & Zhang, G. (2009). What leads to romantic attraction: Similarity, reciprocity, security, or beauty? evidence from a speed-dating study. <\/span>Journal of Personality<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>77<\/span><\/i>(4), 933\u2013964. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/j.1467-6494.2009.00570.x<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Montoya, R. M., Horton, R. S., & Kirchner, J. (2008). Is actual similarity necessary for attraction? A meta-analysis of actual and perceived similarity. <\/span>Journal of Social and Personal Relationships<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>25<\/span><\/i>(6), 889\u2013922. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/0265407508096700<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Silverman, B. I. (1970). Studies of astrology. <\/span>The Journal of Psychology<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>77<\/span><\/i>(2), 141\u2013149. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1080\/00223980.1971.9916861<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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University of Manchester. (2007, March 26). Love not in the stars. Retrieved March 2023, from https:\/\/www.manchester.ac.uk\/discover\/news\/love-not-in-the-stars\/\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Does Prince Charming really exist? Will you find your Cinderella? One adolescent day you may find yourself wondering about what your future will look like and with whom\u2026will you be married? Have kids? Will you be single? Or what about this\u2026have you looked up your zodiac sign to see your and your partner’s compatibility? Are […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11773,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-298","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/298","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11773"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=298"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/298\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":306,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/298\/revisions\/306"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=298"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=298"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=298"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}