{"id":207,"date":"2022-03-04T18:01:17","date_gmt":"2022-03-04T23:01:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/?p=207"},"modified":"2022-03-04T18:01:17","modified_gmt":"2022-03-04T23:01:17","slug":"the-case-for-empathy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/2022\/03\/04\/the-case-for-empathy\/","title":{"rendered":"The Case for Empathy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>This week, we read about psychologist Paul Bloom\u2019s argument <em><strong>Against Empathy<\/strong><\/em> in moral reasoning because it\u2019s biased towards people like us. Though he made many good points, we still believe there are many situations where empathy is essential. In the following blog post, we\u2019ll explore how empathy enables us to effectively help friends struggling with depression (or just had a bad day) and to stand up to bullies and we\u2019ll finish with a call for more empathy in everyday circumstances.<\/p>\n<p>[Summer]<br \/>\n<strong>Case 1: How to Save a Life?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"The Fray - How to Save a Life (Official Video)\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/cjVQ36NhbMk?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>\u201cHow to Save a Life\u201d by The Frayer is the band\u2019s biggest hit so far. First popularized by medical dramas like Gray\u2019s Anatomy, it saw a resurgence on Tiktok in the ongoing pandemic.<\/p>\n<p>Since its release in 2006, it has moved millions of people (myself included) to tears as we <strong>empathize<\/strong> with its poignant and emotional lyrics and <strong>literally feel the frustration, despair, guilt, sadness<\/strong> etc. along with the singer.<\/p>\n<p>This song always reminds me of my experience trying to help a friend who struggled with depression. Often, I find it hard to get through to my friend, to slip past their defense and often ask myself: \u201cWhere did I go wrong?\u201d \u201cHow to save a life?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>After reading this week\u2019s reading, I\u2019ve started to think that one possible answer to this question is the secret to this song\u2019s popularity \u2013 <strong>Empathy<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">Psychologists identified<strong> three central components of empathy<\/strong>:<br \/>\n<strong>1. Mind Perception<\/strong>: the ability to identify another person\u2019s mind and to know it\u2019s different from our own<br \/>\n<strong>2. Mentalizing:<\/strong> the ability to understand others\u2019 emotions, beliefs and intentions; taking their perspective<br \/>\n<strong>3. Emotion Sharing:<\/strong> the ability to feel the emotions others feel<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\">(Da Waal 2008; Zaki, 2014)<\/p>\n<p>With this framework, I noticed for a song that evokes so much empathy, how unempathetic the singer\u2019s response is. Though he acknowledges that \u201che\u201d has a mind different from his own, he doesn\u2019t seem to <strong>mentalize<\/strong> with \u201chim\u201d. Throughout the song, he speaks in a strikingly <strong>rational and detached<\/strong> manner: \u201cLet him know that you know best\u201d, \u201cLay down a list of what is wrong&#8221;, \u201cgrant him one last choice\u201d. Furthermore, the strong emotions in \u201cWhat did I do wrong?\u201d and \u201cHow to save a life?\u201d mostly come from the singer\u2019s perspective and are not shared by \u201chim\u201d. The singer doesn\u2019t<strong> explicitly<\/strong> acknowledge the sadness, confusion, anger etc. \u201che\u201d must feel. His \u201cpolite\u201d manner seems almost unintentionally dehumanizing to me.<\/p>\n<p>In the 2016 paper, Castro and Zautra explained that people often learn patterns of relating to others through imitation of role models. Thus, if the singer addresses \u201chim\u201d in a \u201cdehumanizing\u201d manner, \u201che\u201d is more likely to reflect this dehumanizing view and be distrustful. On the other hand, they found that if people learn to <strong>\u201chumanize\u201d<\/strong> others as people with goals and emotions, they will perceive more <strong>\u201cchoice\u201d<\/strong> in their actions, be more intentional with their social interactions, become more able to <strong>maintain healthy and meaningful relationships and be more resilient when facing challenging negative emotions<\/strong> (Castro &amp; Zautra, 2016).<\/p>\n<p>Perhaps if instead of analyzing the problem and telling the boy what to do, the singer had provided an empathetic response and had connected with \u201chim\u201d on an emotional level, he would have more easily slipped past \u201chis\u201d defenses to help \u201chim\u201d find \u201chis\u201d own solution and motivation to make a change. And maybe this way, he could have saved a life.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, in many situations, empathy alone is not enough to save a life, but I believe it\u2019s always a good start.<\/p>\n<p>[Lake]<br \/>\n<strong>Case 2: How to Stand Up to a Bully?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Empathy not only enables us to provide emotional support but also prompts us to stand up for a friend in need.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s travel back in time to elementary school when I first remember empathy being prominent in me. I was on my daily school bus ride home from school, however, this time our schools\u2019 bully started acting out. He was a 5th grader and we were 3rd graders, the perfect case for him to pick on someone he felt power over. He first moved into the seat across from me where a schoolmate was sitting and started to harass him. Sitting there and listening to this, I began to put myself in his shoes and try to understand how I would be feeling if I was getting bullied \u2013 which I\u2019ve experienced as the new kid. Following the verbal assault, he (the bully) slapped my classmate across the face. Instinctively, I stood up to help, to which the bully asked the infamous \u201cwhat are you going to do about it?\u201d. So, I punched him straight in the nose.<br \/>\nAccording to De Waal\u2019s thesis, \u201cempathy evolved in animals as the main proximate mechanism for directed altruism.\u201d (De Waal, F.B., 2008). My act- punching the bully in the face, is a prime example of altruism: the desire to help another person without self-interest, even if it involves a cost to the helper. I punched the bully knowing that I would get in trouble (I did until my principal decided not to punish me after hearing the full story). At the time of the event, it was instinctive. The thought of getting in trouble did not cross my mind, since I was only thinking about helping my schoolmate.<\/p>\n<p>It was this experience, feeling what it felt like to help my classmate in this horrible situation, that made me consciously try to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, placing oneself in another&#8217;s position. I credit this empathetic act to my parents; they are beyond supportive and made me feel secure. There is no doubt that strong relationship between a child and their parents gives the child greater empathy for their peers. My parents have the greatest sense of empathy toward me. The study from Hepach et al., (2012) found that the intrinsic motivation for young children\u2019s (2 years old) helping behavior does not require that they perform the behavior themselves and thus \u201cget credit\u201d for it, but rather requires only that the other person is helped. Thus, young children are intrinsically motivated to see others helped. My parents are very empathetic and have always had a desire to help, constantly doing things to give back in any way. From Hepach et al., (2012), seeing my parents helping others when I was a young child without a doubt played a role in my empathetic values\/nature.<\/p>\n<p>[Michael]<br \/>\n<strong>Case 3: How to Make Someone\u2019s Day?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Summer wrote of helping a friend with depression, and Lake of standing up to a bully. These are important situations that greatly require us to act with empathy. Such important situations, in fact, that we\u2019ll likely feel guilty about the situation after if we do not help. We know these situations call for our aid, and it\u2019s the moral thing to do.<\/p>\n<p>But what about more casual situations? Those everyday situations in which we walk past CVS and know we could make a friend\u2019s day if we bought them a little card for $2, but we don\u2019t. Or when we know we could see our parents light up with happiness if we just FaceTimed them for 10 minutes, but we don\u2019t. Or we could give that homeless person $5 and allow them to have a hot drink in the winter, but we don\u2019t. You get the picture.<\/p>\n<p>Many of us don\u2019t do these little acts of empathy, even though they ask very little of us, and we know they would really make someone\u2019s day. My part of this blog is aimed at convincing you to do them more often.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ll start with empirical research. Whillans et al. (2016) found that spending money on others improves cardiovascular health. As in, buying someone a small gift not only makes their day but also improves your heart health. So, every day when you walk past CVS and don\u2019t buy your friend those on-sale post-Valentine\u2019s Day chocolates, you\u2019re not only missing an opportunity to put a smile on their face, but you\u2019re missing an opportunity to improve your own heart. Doesn\u2019t that make you want to spend the $5 now?<\/p>\n<p>More empirical research, you ask? I\u2019ve got it for you. Dunn et al. (2008) found that spending money on others makes people happier than spending money on themselves. So now you know that completing that little empathetic act not only makes the other person happy, but it\u2019s also going to make you happier than spending that same money on yourself.<\/p>\n<p>While we all want to find ourselves in those rare situations where we act courageously, and save the day, like punching a bully in the face, those situations don\u2019t happen every day. But we can still be empathetic in the situations that happen every day &#8212; and oftentimes it might be even harder in these situations to show empathy. Yet, research shows just how beneficial being empathetic in these little moments can improve both our physical and emotional health (and make someone\u2019s day!). So, I hope reading this inspired you to be just a little better friend, or boy\/girlfriend, or simply, person. Go buy that Valentine\u2019s Day chocolate while it\u2019s still on-sale.<\/p>\n<p><strong>References<\/strong><br \/>\nCastro, &amp; Zautra, A. J. (2016). Humanization of Social Relations: Nourishing<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px\">Health and Resilience Through Greater Humanity. Journal of Theoretical<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px\">and Philosophical Psychology, 36(2), 64\u201380.<\/p>\n<p>Dunn, E. W., Aknin, L. B., &amp; Norton, M. I. (2008). Spending money on others<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px\">promotes happiness. Science, 319(5870), 1687\u20131688.<\/p>\n<p>Hepach, R., Vaish, A., &amp; Tomasello, M. (2012). Young children are intrinsically<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px\">motivated to see others helped. Psychological Science, 23(9), 967\u2013972.<\/p>\n<p>The Fray.(n.d). How to Save a Life (Official Video). (n.d.). Retrieved March 1,<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px\">2022, from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=cjVQ36NhbMk\">https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=cjVQ36NhbMk<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Whillans, A. V., Dunn, E. W., Sandstrom, G. M., Dickerson, S. S., &amp; Madden,<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px\">K. M. (2016). Is spending money on others good for your heart? Health Psychology, 35(6), 574-583.<\/p>\n<p>Zaki, J. (2014). Empathy: A motivated account. Psychological Bulletin, 140(6),<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px\">1608.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This week, we read about psychologist Paul Bloom\u2019s argument Against Empathy in moral reasoning because it\u2019s biased towards people like us. Though he made many good points, we still believe there are many situations where empathy is essential. In the following blog post, we\u2019ll explore how empathy enables us to effectively help friends struggling with [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10552,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-207","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/207","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10552"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=207"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/207\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":222,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/207\/revisions\/222"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=207"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=207"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=207"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}