{"id":151,"date":"2021-02-26T23:07:41","date_gmt":"2021-02-26T23:07:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/?p=151"},"modified":"2021-02-26T23:07:41","modified_gmt":"2021-02-26T23:07:41","slug":"open-when-letters-and-breakups-a-tale-of-two-sides-of-empathy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/2021\/02\/26\/open-when-letters-and-breakups-a-tale-of-two-sides-of-empathy\/","title":{"rendered":"Open When Letters and Breakups: A Tale of Two Sides of Empathy"},"content":{"rendered":"

[Lara]<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I just can’t imagine how you could be so okay now that I’m gone<\/span><\/p>\n

Guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me<\/span><\/p>\n

‘Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street\u201d (Rodrigo, 2021, 1:25).<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been obsessed with this song ever since it went viral on TikTok. But who isn\u2019t? Who could not empathize with Olivia Rodrigo, take her perspective, or imagine how this relates to one\u2019s own breakup(s)? That\u2019s empathy at work: it operates when we share another\u2019s emotions, mentalize, and monitor the origin of the other\u2019s feelings and their situation (Perry, 2021). Observing another\u2019s emotional state somewhat automatically causes us to activate similar brain regions like the insula and anterior cingulate cortex, therefore, in a sense, \u2018match their energy.\u2019 This intrinsic matching promotes altruistic behavior, which is rewarding in that it gives us an emotional stake in another\u2019s well-being through the empathetic gesture (de Waal, 2008). So, empathy is crucial to \u201cfeel for\u201d Olivia in this heartfelt breakup song and – more importantly – to maintain close relationships that are emotionally satisfying and healthy in our own lives.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Empathy gives us the chance to quickly connect and relate to others, which we need for coordination and cooperation in our social lives (de Waal, 2008). In building and maintaining intimate relationships, empathy is a \u201cvital emotional force\u201d that is, however, not always automatic (Zaki, 2014). We must tune into our significant others\u2019 love languages and unique perspective to understand their emotional experience and expression.<\/span><\/p>\n

From my personal repertoire, I can report back that it takes a long time to comprehend complex combos of words of affirmation, quality time, and gift giving to fully understand them. Here\u2019s a great example of how you can go above and beyond to make sure that someone knows that you feel with\/for them; open when letters were a great way for me to find the correct words and emotional state to match the feelings and needs of someone close to me, even from a distance (I wrote 18 in total, a little excessive):<\/span><\/p>\n

Open when letters offer a pathway to express that you are tuned into another\u2019s feelings. Such acts not only require empathy but also psychological factors like theory of mind and a lack of egocentrism (Zaki & Cikara, 2015). And so, we\u2019ve learned that empathy can help us improve our own physiological state by engaging in prosocial behaviors, but also brighten someone else\u2019s day and build a stronger connection.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Empathy is also needed during conflict situations and breakups, such as in Olivia\u2019s hit-song and viral TikTok conversation-starter. In conflict-reduction interventions, the focus is on remedying empathic failures by encouraging adults and children to care about others\u2019 feelings and respect diverging views (Zaki & Cikara, 2015). When we regulate our own emotional responses and truly put our differences aside, it can make it easier to rationalize someone else\u2019s views and behaviors. Through teaching specific techniques, learning from those around us, and engaging in perspective-taking throughout development and later in life, it might be possible for that breakup song to hurt less and to, eventually, be okay now that the other person is gone.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Yufeng]<\/span><\/p>\n

In the classic sitcom <\/span>The Big Bang Theory<\/span><\/i>, besides our constant laughter, we may wonder how people can grow up with such different empathy abilities! While Penny can always infer correctly about others\u2019 feelings and react sympathetically, those four super intelligent but socially awkward \u2018nerds\u2019 can hardly figure out what on earth is in girls\u2019 heads. Even among the four, the differences are also significant, for Sheldon frequently finds it very hard to even predict his friends\u2019 feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n

However, these things are not coincidences, or designed for the plots. Instead, it often happens in our life too. For instance, we sometimes want to share our feelings with someone we care about. Then, unfortunately, instead of giving proper responses, they continuously misunderstand our situation. If we cannot get a sense of understanding or acceptance from a friend, we can simply reduce the interaction with him. However, what if this happens in our family? It can certainly cause lots of imbalances.<\/span><\/p>\n

This brings me the question of what on earth causes the differences and how we can make up for it.<\/span><\/p>\n

First, it\u2019s attributed to inborn human brain structure. Empathy can be divided into two categories: cognitive empathy, the ability to understand how a person feels and what they might be thinking; affective empathy (emotional empathy), the ability to share the feelings of another person(Davis, 1980). Emotional empathy is supported by regions related to self-other mirroring and affective processing, such as the anterior cingulate cortex, insula, somatosensory cortex, and inferior frontal gyrus, whereas cognitive empathy is supported by regions related to mentalizing and projecting, such as the medial prefrontal cortex, temporoparietal junction, and temporal pole (Abramson, Uzefovsky, Toccaceli, & Knafo-Noam, 2020) (a more vivid illustration can be found in<\/span> https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=7-Q_qU46YAI<\/span><\/a>). It was found that individual differences in affective empathic abilities oriented towards another person were negatively correlated with grey matter volume in the precuneus, inferior frontal gyrus, and anterior cingulate (Banissy, Kanai, Walsh, & Rees, 2012). Additionally, cognitive empathy is shown to be reduced with age, which has been partially proved to be related to reduced brain activity in the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex(Beadle & de la Vega, 2019). Additionally, candidate gene studies have found, for example, that genes that encode for receptors of oxytocin and vasopressin have different associations with measures of emotional and cognitive empathy (Abramson et al., 2020), though some contradictions can be found among these studies.<\/span><\/p>\n

On top of that, environmental factors also play a role during the empathy formation and development. For instance, exposure to norms of emotional schemas or cultural beliefs about emotions can influence individuals\u2019 emotional experiences. These factors of shared environment include domestic teaching behaviors, social media (Schapira, Anger Elfenbein, Amichay-Setter, Zahn-Waxler, & Knafo-Noam, 2019), specific trainings (Han & Pappas, 2018) <\/span>etc.<\/span><\/i> By using twin studies, it was found that environment contribute more to cognitive empathy (Abramson et al., 2020), for emotional empathy is derived largely from heritable temperament traits, such as emotional reactivity, regulation, and approach(Davis, Luce, & Kraus, 1994), while cognitive empathy develops more slowly and therefore relies more strongly on learning experiences and growing exposure to cultural nuances (Abramson et al., 2020).<\/span><\/p>\n

Backing to <\/span>The Big Bang Theory<\/span><\/i>, we can possibly deduce that Sheldon\u2019s low empathy might mostly result from his genetic background, though surrounded with such a loving family, while Leonard\u2019s higher but still incomplete empathy might mostly result from his mother\u2019s abnormal parenting methods. However, do not be so disappointed when you are born with low empathy, because your acquired training and lifestyle do play an equally great role in your empathic ability. You can get a clue directly from Sheldon\u2019s example that, influenced by his intimate friends and Amy, Sheldon did grow a lot especially in his empathetic aspects.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Tess]<\/span><\/p>\n

Okay so we\u2019ve learned a bit about love languages, breakups, and how empathic tendencies can change depending on your environment and upbringing, but is the amount of empathy we feel related to our own emotions? As we discussed in class, this idea of an \u201cemotional battery\u201d somewhat like a social battery kept popping up. If we are more emotionally distressed do we show less empathy to others? Do we have a limit on how much empathy we can feel?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

On first thought, my answer would be yes. We\u2019ve all been there– you\u2019re having a bummer day. Your coffee was cold, you got rejected from a job, and you just got off an emotionally draining phone call with your sibling. Nothing seems to be going your way, and you feel like you simply cannot handle one more thing. But can we? Does being in a worse mood actually make us more empathetic?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The empathy amplification hypothesis predicts that positive emotion would be associated with greater empathy while the empathy attenuation hypothesis predicts the opposite; that positive emotion would be associated with lower empathy (Delvin et al. 2014). There seems to be a possibility in both hypotheses: it has been shown that positive emotions are linked to a broader thought-action repertoire that leads to building social resources, and increased positive emotions can increase helping others (Fredrickson, 1998). As Lara mentioned, empathy is a way to quickly connect with others and build our social relationships. However, on the flip side, it has been shown that theory-of-mind use was increased and facilitated by sadness as compared to happiness (<\/span>Converse et al. 2008<\/span>). This shows that when we feel happiness, we might actually be less likely to practice empathy (which requires theory-of-mind in being able to identify someone else’s mental state) than when we feel sad.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Okay so which is it? Do negative emotions and sadness lead to less empathy or actually more? Delvin et al. found two interesting conclusions: one, <\/span>that trait positive emotions <\/span>(<\/span>the tendency to experience positive emotions) was associated with lower levels of empathy towards someone experiencing negative emotions, and two, that trait positive emotion participants were more likely to detect increases in mood of others. Boiling this down shows that there might be a relationship between empathy and your current emotional state– if you are happy, empathizing with others who are happy could be easier than empathizing with others who are sad and vice versa. This seems to be the only study of its kind, so I do warn against taking it as the end all be all, but an interesting hypothesis to look deeper into. It does seem to make sense– if we are more to empathize with people similar to us, then it should make sense that empathy would be easier with emotionally similar others. When my roommate comes home in a great mood, I notice myself becoming instantly more happy — empathy impacts us all the time!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One one hand, it may be easier for us to empathize with people who are feeling similar emotions to us, but it is possible for continued exposure to and use of empathy inducing situations can take a toll on our empathy battery. But on the other side of that, as Lara and Yufeng discussed, there are so many incredibly positive benefits to empathy. From forming and maintaining satisfying and healthy relationships, to positive interactions with others and conflict resolution, to in many cases, making the world a better place, empathy is a defining human characteristic. It\u2019s why we are able to relate to Olivia Rodrigo\u2019s Drivers License, feel joy for our loved ones when they are happy, and give support to those in need.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thanks for reading!<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

References<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Abramson, L., Uzefovsky, F., Toccaceli, V., & Knafo-Noam, A. (2020). The genetic and environmental origins of emotional and cognitive empathy: Review and meta-analyses of twin studies. <\/span>Neurosci Biobehav Rev, 114<\/span><\/i>, 113-133. doi:10.1016\/j.neubiorev.2020.03.023<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Banissy, M. J., Kanai, R., Walsh, V., & Rees, G. (2012). Inter-individual differences in empathy are reflected in human brain structure. <\/span>Neuroimage, 62<\/span><\/i>(3), 2034-2039. doi:10.1016\/j.neuroimage.2012.05.081<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Beadle, J. N., & de la Vega, C. E. (2019). Impact of Aging on Empathy: Review of Psychological and Neural Mechanisms. <\/span>Front Psychiatry, 10<\/span><\/i>, 331. doi:10.3389\/fpsyt.2019.00331<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Davis, M. H. (1980). <\/span>Individual Differences in Empathy: A Multidimensional Approach.<\/span><\/i> University of Texas at Austin<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Davis, M. H., Luce, C., & Kraus, S. J. (1994). The heritability of characteristics associated with dispositional empathy. <\/span>J Pers, 62<\/span><\/i>(3), 369-391. doi:10.1111\/j.1467-6494.1994.tb00302.x<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Devlin HC, Zaki J, Ong DC, Gruber J (2014) Not As Good as You Think? Trait Positive Emotion<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Is Associated with Increased Self-Reported Empathy but Decreased Empathic Performance. <\/span>PLOS ONE 9(10): e110470.<\/span><\/i> https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1371\/journal.pone.0110470<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

De Waal, F. B. (2008). Putting the altruism back into altruism: The evolution of empathy. <\/span>Annual Review of Psychology, 59<\/span><\/i>, 279-300.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Fredrickson, Barbara L.\u00a0 (1998). What Good Are Positive Emotions? Rev Gen Psychol. 1998 Sep; 2(3): 300\u2013319.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Han, J. L., & Pappas, T. N. (2018). A Review of Empathy, Its Importance, and Its Teaching in Surgical Training. <\/span>J Surg Educ, 75<\/span><\/i>(1), 88-94. doi:10.1016\/j.jsurg.2017.06.035<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Perry, J. (2021, February 19). Lecturette 5: Empathy. In PSY1535 \u2013 <\/span>Psychology of Social Connection and Belonging: Spring 2021<\/span><\/i> [Lecture video]. <\/span>https:\/\/canvas.harvard.edu\/courses\/85306\/pages\/week-5-module-empathy<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Rodrigo, O. (2021). drivers license. On <\/span>drivers license (single)<\/span><\/i>. Geffen Records, Interscope Records.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Schapira, R., Anger Elfenbein, H., Amichay-Setter, M., Zahn-Waxler, C., & Knafo-Noam, A. (2019). Shared Environment Effects on Children’s Emotion Recognition. <\/span>Front Psychiatry, 10<\/span><\/i>, 215. doi:10.3389\/fpsyt.2019.00215<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Zaki, J. (2014). Empathy: A motivated account. P<\/span>sychological Bulletin, 140<\/span><\/i>(6), 1608.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Zaki, J., & Cikara, M. (2015). Addressing empathic failures. <\/span>Current Directions in Psychological Science<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>24<\/span><\/i>(6), 471-476.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[Lara] \u201cAnd I just can’t imagine how you could be so okay now that I’m gone Guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me ‘Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street\u201d (Rodrigo, 2021, 1:25).   I\u2019ve been obsessed with this song ever since it went viral on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9938,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-151","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9938"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=151"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":153,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151\/revisions\/153"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=151"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=151"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=151"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}