{"id":127,"date":"2020-11-20T19:36:05","date_gmt":"2020-11-20T19:36:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/?p=127"},"modified":"2020-11-20T19:37:20","modified_gmt":"2020-11-20T19:37:20","slug":"dear-quarantinecrew","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/2020\/11\/20\/dear-quarantinecrew\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear QuarantineCrew"},"content":{"rendered":"

This week on HeretoHelp we will be discussing all things ~quarantine~<\/a> so send us any questions or comments about your quarantine experiences, the bad<\/a> or the good<\/a>!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0We\u2019re here to help ?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Grace]<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dear QuarantineCrew,<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a 20-year-old college student, struggling to live at home with sole exposure to my family and the occasional elderly neighbor. I\u2019ve tried texting, facetiming and having Zoom happy hours with friends, but conversation always feels forced and no one wants more time on Zoom outside of what\u2019s required for school or work. All I want is just to BE with my friends and not have to PLAN when we\u2019re going to talk next. It\u2019s so hard!! Is this normal? How can I make these Zoom interactions more fulfilling?<\/span><\/p>\n

Sincerely, Feeling Zoom-ed Out<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dear Zoom-ed Out,<\/p>\n

Ooooh how <\/span>I feel you<\/span><\/a>. Quarantine certainly has not made it easy on us as we try to maintain our friendships. Though technology is our means to stay connected with people who are physically distant from us, virtual social interactions are more distancing than in-person interactions (Waytz & Gray, 2018). Waytz and Gray (2018) conducted a literature review on the interaction between online technologies and empathy, emotional intelligence, perspective taking, and emotion recognition. They discuss a longitudinal study that investigated the relationship between online technology and sociality in Dutch adolescents through self-report measures (Vossen & Valkenburg, 2016). They found that social media use and online communication can in fact boost empathic processes (Vossen & Valkenburg, 2016) \u2013 but only if it is used to <\/span>supplement<\/i><\/b> already existing off-line communication (Waytz & Gray, 2018). As we\u2019ve come to realize, online communication cannot be used as a solid substitute for face-to-face interaction (Waytz & Gray, 2018). Though this sounds bleak, don\u2019t fret, Zoom-ed Out! There are ways to enhance online communication and make it more meaningful. In addition to the weekly breakfast\/happy hour Zoom dates with friends, one thing I started at the beginning of Quarantine was weekly Zoom yoga classes with friends. Every Sunday, I schedule an hour block with two of my friends to do a <\/span>CorePower online class<\/span><\/a>. All it takes is for someone to share her screen and we do the class together, and then re-hash everything that happened to us during the week. I find that doing something active together makes it something fun to look forward to, and since yoga is \u201cexercise\u201d it makes it easier to block out that hour on the schedule, even if half of it is spent catching up. If it\u2019s a hard yoga class one day, we\u2019ll all be <\/span>struggling on screen together<\/span><\/a> and then commiserating about it afterward \u2013 enduring this <\/span>hardship <\/span><\/i>together serves as a good ice breaker so the conversation doesn\u2019t feel forced. It\u2019s fun to crack jokes and laugh through the poses that we\u2019re all bad at, so it feels like I have a friend by my side, toughing it out with me. However, I get it if you\u2019d rather <\/span>not<\/span><\/i> practice your downward dogs weekly. In that case, my suggestion for you is to schedule some sort of <\/span>weekly activity<\/b> with your friends so that even if it\u2019s over Zoom, you\u2019re not spending the entire time watching the screen. You could try cooking, baking, or making cocktails together \u2013 the world is your oyster! Anything goes in this day and age \u2013 as long as it\u2019s virtual!! Hopefully the days of Quarantine are <\/span>becoming more limited<\/span><\/a>, but in the meantime, try being active on Zoom and see how that helps \ud83d\ude42<\/span><\/p>\n

9\u00a0 ? \u00a0 \u00a0 7 \u00a0 ? \u00a0 \u00a0 6 Shares ?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Hannah]<\/b><\/p>\n

Dear QuarantineCrew,<\/p>\n

Being stuck in quarantine has caused my anxiety levels to reach record-breaking highs. I have my ups and downs, but I cannot seem to manage it \u2013 I feel as if I have no control and not knowing what could happen in the future just makes it worse. Any advice on dealing with this feeling?\u00a0 Especially since we have no idea what is still to come. <\/span><\/p>\n

Sincerely, Get Me Off This Roller Coaster<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Roller Coaster,<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know anyone right now that has not felt this. I think it\u2019s safe to say we have all had at least one moment where we have not felt<\/span> in control<\/span><\/a> and like everything was<\/span> not okay<\/span><\/a>. Any sort of plans you make always seem to be thrown out the<\/span> window<\/span><\/a> and, to make things worse, we are restricted to our homes.<\/span><\/p>\n

Berinato (2020) discussed that this anxiety and feeling of uncertainty is a form of grief known as anticipatory grief. This means, as you mention, that there is this feeling that just washes over us when we are uncertain about what the<\/span> future holds<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

But, thankfully there are some things that you can do to calm and manage these feelings. Your goal, which can be easier said than done, is to find a balance between your thoughts that cause that feeling (Berinato, 2020). Instead of letting our minds spin out of control, we need to learn to let go of what we cannot control and live in the present moment (Berinato, 2020). So, instead of stressing about what the other person in the shop is doing and if they have COVID \u2013 focus on what you can control. Keep your distance, wash your hands, and wear a mask.<\/span><\/p>\n

We need to learn to accept that there are many things during this quarantine period that we do not have control over and in doing so we can find some control through acceptance (Berinato, 2020). We need to learn to feel such feelings, accept them and understand that it is okay to feel this way as we are the first to experience quarantine and COVID.<\/span><\/p>\n

We could also see this quarantine period as an opportunity to show a little more empathy towards each other. We need to understand that we are not the only ones feeling this overwhelming anxiety and grief. One way to do this ~safely~ is by using social media. We all know it can be a platform for negativity, but it is also one for positivity. Waytz & Gray, (2018) paper found that social media can be used to show prosocial behaviors and can enhance our social interactions by allowing us to form deep interpersonal connections. We can use social media to safely build empathy for one another. So, when you are online, purposefully reach out to someone who you haven\u2019t spoken to in a while. Let them know you support them and here to chat. Another helpful resource is<\/span> The war against kindness<\/span><\/a>. This resource will teach you how to \u201cbuild your own empathy gym\u201d and has 5 challenges that allow you to practice showing kindness and empathy. Challenge 4 specifically speaks to using social media, but I would challenge you to try them all out.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hopefully, this advice was helpful to you. Please let us know how these challenges go if you choose to try them out. Take back control and be present in the moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sending virtual hugs and<\/span> support<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

7\u00a0 ? \u00a0 \u00a0 6 \u00a0 ? \u00a0 \u00a0 8 Shares ?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Katherine]<\/b><\/p>\n

Dear QuarantineCrew,<\/p>\n

I used to have my childhood friends, until last year, when we each moved to different cities for either school or work. And since then, we\u2019ve just grown out of touch. Personally, I moved by myself across the country to Maine for school. I\u2019m a pretty introverted person, so it takes me a while to make new friends. At school, there were a couple people who I said hi to and chatted with as we bumped into each other in the hallways or in the dining hall. I was happy and thought I was starting to build deeper friendships. Then COVID forced me to go back home and the people I sort of knew have stopped calling. I\u2019m just struggling and feeling really lonely, it feels like I\u2019m all by myself without any friends (even though I interact with my family and classmates on a daily basis).<\/span><\/p>\n

Sincerely, Socially Distant Beyond Six Feet<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Socially Distant,<\/p>\n

Feeling like you\u2019re alone and without a support system is really difficult. It\u2019s difficult under normal circumstances, but understandably even more so now, when there are so many new stressors and fewer opportunities to find friends. Moreover, it makes sense that you feel lonely despite being around people at home. In fact, the quantity of social interactions or the number of people in your network may not correlate with how lonely you feel. Only <\/span>you<\/span><\/i> can judge how lonely you are. Though it\u2019s difficult emotionally, the effects of loneliness are deeper than that. Loneliness affects our physical health and our quality of life in every way. It can even change your gene expression! In particular, genes involved in suppressing inflammatory chronic diseases may be underexpressed (have a smaller effect), and genes that increase inflammation may be overexpressed (have a larger effect) (Cacioppo & Hawkley, 2009). So, first of all, acknowledge that things are difficult, it\u2019s normal, and it makes scientific sense. Loneliness affects much more than your mood.<\/span><\/p>\n

While you may be longing for deep interactions with close friends to not feel lonely, Sandstrom and Dunn (2014) found that interacting with many, more shallow acquaintances, termed \u201cweak ties\u201d, is also really important to boosting your well-being. So, try starting up a conversation with people in your classes even if you don\u2019t consider them a close friend or not. Those weak-tie conversations will make you feel good!<\/span><\/p>\n

Another strategy you can try is being nostalgic. Nostalgia is something our brain uses to cope with loneliness. Zhou et al. (2008) found that nostalgia can increase perceived levels of social support and strengthen mental health. So, look through your old photos or have your grade school lunch again. If being nostalgic isn\u2019t for you, that\u2019s ok too. I know that, personally, sometimes nostalgia can make me more sad for what has been lost. If you\u2019ve felt that way, I\u2019ve found that reminiscing about the past can help remind me that I\u2019ve gotten through challenges before, and that I can get through them again. In this case, reminiscing about the past can help me realize that I\u2019ve gotten through stressful times before and I\u2019ve also made friends in new places before. So, what\u2019s different now? Nothing \ud83d\ude42\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally, consider reaching out to past friends. Personally, what prevents me from talking to old connections is that I feel bad that I haven\u2019t texted them in years. But, just because you may not have talked to them in years doesn\u2019t mean they wouldn\u2019t like to hear from you. So, send them a quick \u201cHi! How are you?\u201d text and see where it takes you!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m sorry there isn\u2019t a silver lining here; I wish there was. There will be an end to this pandemic. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and do what you need to do. We believe in your strength and resilience.<\/span><\/p>\n

5\u00a0 ? \u00a0 \u00a0 8 \u00a0 ? \u00a0 \u00a0 2 Shares ?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

References<\/b><\/p>\n

Berinato, S. (2020, March 23). That Discomfort You\u2019re Feeling Is Grief. <\/span>Harvard Business Review<\/span><\/i>.<\/span> https:\/\/hbr.org\/2020\/03\/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief<\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Cacioppo J.T. & Hawkley L.C. (2009). Perceived social isolation and cognition. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 13(10), 447\u2013454.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cat Lazy GIF – Tenor GIF Keyboard – Bring Personality To Your Conversations | Say more with Tenor.\u00a0<\/span>(2020). Retrieved 16 November 2020, from\u00a0<\/span>https:\/\/media1.tenor.com\/images\/18cbfd63880bd05b137e386460ab93d0\/tenor.gif?itemid=1449<\/span><\/a>7432<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Challenges\u2014Overview<\/span><\/i>. (n.d.). The War For Kindness. Retrieved November 19, 2020, from<\/span>https:\/\/www.warforkindness.com\/challenges<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Free Classes – CorePower Yoga On Demand. (2020). Retrieved 17 November 2020, from\u00a0<\/span>https:\/\/www.corepoweryogaondemand.com\/keep-up-your-practice<\/span><\/p>\n

Paper Throwing Sheldon GIF – ThrowingPapers ImDone Nope\u2014Discover & Share GIFs<\/span><\/i>. (n.d.). Retrieved November 18, 2020, from<\/span> https:\/\/media1.tenor.com\/images\/80fae08fe31e7aa019df98ddbb837b97\/tenor.gif?itemid=5610220<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Positivity GIF – ZooeyDeschanel NewGirl WeveGotThis\u2014Discover & Share GIFs<\/span><\/i>. (n.d.). Retrieved November 19, 2020, from<\/span> https:\/\/media1.tenor.com\/images\/dd1df0dcaf3deddf0ede3053001dcca5\/tenor.gif?itemid=5446786<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Quarantine Got Me Like Bored GIF – QuarantineGotMeLike Bored HappyMonday\u2014Discover & Share GIFs<\/span><\/i>. (n.d.). Retrieved November 18, 2020, from<\/span> https:\/\/media1.tenor.com\/images\/28c39e83612dc4c5d9e3ac2cd236f907\/tenor.gif?itemid=16731484<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Quarantine Isolation GIF – Quarantine Isolation Jamming\u2014Discover & Share GIFs<\/span><\/i>. (n.d.). Retrieved November 18, 2020, from<\/span> https:\/\/media.tenor.com\/images\/67c8b64852ea9775f88ccbaa761a064a\/tenor.gif<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Sandstrom, G. M., & Dunn, E. W. (2014). Social interactions and well-being: The surprising power of weak ties. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 40(7), 910-922.<\/span><\/p>\n

Season 3 Ashley | GIF by Bachelor in Paradise – Find & Share on GIPHY (2020). Retrieved 16\u00a0<\/span>November 2020, from\u00a0<\/span>https:\/\/media0.giphy.com\/media\/3o7TKzAybUsDof1RTO\/200.gif<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Sheldon Tbbt GIF – Sheldon Tbbt PaperBag\u2014Discover & Share GIFs<\/span><\/i>. (n.d.). Retrieved November 18, 2020, from<\/span> https:\/\/media1.tenor.com\/images\/0ceaac88f791192b90fd42194fa7aa1e\/tenor.gif?itemid=4992098<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

This Is Fine Anxiety GIF – ThisIsFine Anxiety Calm\u2014Discover & Share GIFs<\/span><\/i>. (n.d.). Retrieved November 18, 2020, from<\/span> https:\/\/media1.tenor.com\/images\/4faafe42aa7265478a8e9ad509e9a6fe\/tenor.gif?itemid=5078122<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Toy Story Dinosaur GIF – ToyStory Dinosaur Uncertainty\u2014Discover & Share GIFs<\/span><\/i>. (n.d.). Retrieved November 18, 2020, from<\/span> https:\/\/media1.tenor.com\/images\/98d0b287bba5840b0ec85dd4d8f0c2b4\/tenor.gif?itemid=11760759<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Vossen, H.G.M, & Valkenburg, P. M. (2016). Do social media foster or curtail adolescents\u2019 empathy? A\u00a0<\/span>longitudinal study. Computers in Human Behavior, 63, 118-124.<\/span><\/p>\n

Walter White Breaking Bad GIF – WalterWhite BreakingBad Chemist\u2014Discover & Share GIFs<\/span><\/i>. (n.d.). Retrieved November 18, 2020, from<\/span> https:\/\/media1.tenor.com\/images\/8316d229553b5bf0399acc9b83925e24\/tenor.gif?itemid=15293759<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Waytz, A., & Gray, K. (2018). Does online technology make us more or less sociable? A preliminary\u00a0<\/span>review and call for research. <\/span>Perspectives on Psychological Science<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>13<\/span><\/i>(4), 473-491.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yoga Lesson Fail GIF – Tenor GIF Keyboard – Bring Personality To Your Conversations | Say more\u00a0<\/span>with Tenor. (2020). Retrieved 16 November 2020, from\u00a0<\/span>https:\/\/media1.tenor.com\/images\/4558061d1ab5221e6fa700e7bffb7e56\/tenor.gif?itemid=10274<\/span><\/a>998<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Zhou, X., Sedikides, C., Wildschut, T., & Gao, D. G. (2008). Counteracting loneliness: On the restorative function of nostalgia. Psychological Science, 19(10), 1023-1029.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This week on HeretoHelp we will be discussing all things ~quarantine~ so send us any questions or comments about your quarantine experiences, the bad or the good! \u00a0We\u2019re here to help ?   [Grace]\u00a0 Dear QuarantineCrew, I\u2019m a 20-year-old college student, struggling to live at home with sole exposure to my family and the occasional […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9875,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-127","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/127","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9875"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=127"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/127\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":132,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/127\/revisions\/132"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=127"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=127"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=127"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}