{"id":103,"date":"2020-10-24T00:16:55","date_gmt":"2020-10-24T00:16:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/?p=103"},"modified":"2020-10-26T23:02:47","modified_gmt":"2020-10-26T23:02:47","slug":"8-ways-to-create-a-stronger-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/2020\/10\/24\/8-ways-to-create-a-stronger-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Ways to Create a Stronger Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

*Camerin*<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Go to a workout class together. If you like to be active and get your sweat on, invite your significant other to come with you! This an amazing chance to show your partner how hard you\u2019ve been working and what they\u2019ve been missing this whole time. Not only will it be a fun activity; studies show that after doing an arousing activity with each other, couples felt more satisfied and in love with their significant other (Aron et al., 2000). I know I\u2019ve been dying to get my boyfriend to an OrangeTheory fitness class with <\/span>me<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0 Now that I know he\u2019ll fall more in love with me after the class – I NEED to try <\/span>it<\/span><\/a>. Back to the point \u2013 who cares if you\u2019re not a Soul Cycle or Barry\u2019s Bootcamp guru \u2013 get moving with your partner and they\u2019ll love you more than ever! I recommend trying an Instagram TV workout \u2013 it\u2019s free and it can be done in the comfort of your home. Get up and get active!<\/span><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/strong>2. Write<\/strong> letters to each other.<\/span> I know that it can be hard to write someone a letter. You might feel like you\u2019re being sappy and maybe the idea of sharing your actual feelings about someone makes you <\/span>cringe<\/span><\/a>. However, studies show that people who feel more appreciated by their partners are more appreciative of them regularly (Gordon et al., 2012). Gordon et al. (2012) demonstrates how important it is to practice gratitude towards your partner, sharing findings that support how beneficial it is for maintaining a healthy, intimate bond. Now, I\u2019m not telling you to do this every week, but setting a goal to do this once a year for Thanksgiving or a birthday can greatly improve your relationship. The person you love, deserves to know how much you appreciate them. It will make them feel good and lead to relationship benefits. There\u2019s nothing wrong with telling someone you\u2019re grateful for them – don\u2019t be <\/span>afraid<\/span><\/a>!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>\u00a03.\u00a0Go on a double date.<\/span> Maybe double dating doesn\u2019t appeal to you. If you haven\u2019t been on an orchestrated double date before, don\u2019t feel bad. I haven\u2019t either! But, I\u2019m telling you, you have to go plan one right after you\u2019re done reading this <\/span>post<\/span><\/a> because hanging out with other friends and couples can lead to benefits to your own <\/span>relationship<\/span><\/a>. You might be thinking, \u201cI already feel like me and my partner don\u2019t get enough alone time. Why would I purposely invite another couple and take away from our time together?!\u201d Well!!! Studies show that couples felt closer to their partners after having an interaction with another couple (Slatcher, 2010). If you haven\u2019t gone on a double date before, I challenge you to go on a date with another couple. The feeling of excitement that you had on your first date with your partner may be recreated when you go on a double date with another couple (Slatcher, 2010). While you might be hesitant, a double date can make you feel excited and closer to your partner than before. Try that new sushi restaurant, go bowling, take a morning walk, or maybe even carve <\/span>pumpkins<\/span><\/a> – with another couple, of course!<\/span><\/p>\n

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    *Christi*<\/span><\/p>\n

    \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/b>4. Use \u201cwe-talk\u201d. Words like \u201cwe\u201d and \u201cus\u201d can be very powerful in showing interdependence on a romantic partner, emphasizing how they affect your thoughts and feelings, and highlighting a transition from being self-oriented to relationship oriented. Studies show couples who use more \u201cwe\u201d and \u201cus\u201d are more likely to have healthy, positive relationship behaviors like being supportive during stressful times. Moreover, individuals in the \u201cwe\u201d talk couples reported higher scores for mental and physical health and relationship satisfaction (Karen et al., 2019). In relationships, you are only part of the whole – show that you are thinking of your partner, and tell them with the power of \u201cwe\u201d!<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

    \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span>5. Hug! (Or other stuff). <\/span>Physical affection is super important in a relationship – not just sex. Holding hands, hugging, or just a warm touch can affect release hormones like oxytocin, which calms us and reduces stress. In an experiment where married couples had more physical contact, they exhibited lower blood pressure and positive effects on several stress sensitive systems (<\/span>Holt-Lunstad et al., 2008). Physical affection can also improve your mood and increase the likelihood of more physical activity (<\/span>Burleson et al. 2007). I know the whole PDA thing can be a lot, so just wait until you are in private and give your partner a kiss or hug. As it gets colder, don\u2019t be afraid to grab a <\/span>snuggly blanket<\/span><\/a> and cuddle – matching pjs optional, kind of.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span>6. Give compliments. <\/span>We all like getting compliments – being told we look nice, we are good at something, etc. But, in romantic relationships, compliments should be about both physical and non-physical qualities – telling someone they are pretty or sexy or have beautiful eyes is not enough. Meltzer and McNulty found that physical compliments and valuation was only associated with positive relationship satisfaction when it was paired with compliments about non-physical qualities, like interests, personality, or intelligence. Emphasizing what you like about your partner and going beyond the superficial, physical level can show a deeper understanding of their character (Meltzer and McNulty, 2014). Next time your partner does something nice, tell them how caring and kind they are. When they help you finish your annoying chem pset, compliment their brain.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

    *Patrick*<\/span><\/p>\n

    \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/b>7. Be a good listener. There\u2019s a difference between hearing and listening. All too often your partner may complain that they do not feel heard. Heck, you might not feel heard either! But hearing happens naturally without a choice. What everyone really wants is someone to make the conscious effort of <\/span>listening <\/span><\/i>to what we say, internalizing our words, and taking on our perspective. A major hallmark of poor relationships is low cognitive and affective empathy. Luckily, research shows that we can work on this (Ramezani et al, 2020). Putting yourself in your partner\u2019s shoes can go a long way in helping you understand what your partner may want or need and, more importantly, why? Everyone has heard the trope of the jerk boyfriend and crazy girlfriend, but rarely do people act without a motive, so instead of hearing something and jumping to conclusions, ask open questions to learn why your partner feels a certain way. Give them a chance to feel <\/span>listened<\/span><\/i> to.<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

    \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span>8. Stay in the moment. <\/span>Regardless of whether you and your partner prefer to bar hop or stay at home for a little soir\u00e9e, chances are your phones are coming with you. You look forward to this event and spending some quality time together, but little did you know that you were bringing the rest of the world with you. I often find myself in a room full of others, but they are only there in person because their spirit is with that guy they have not seen since high school on Facebook. There is reason to believe that the number of social media accounts you keep up with and your level of technological addiction is negatively affecting your relationships (Abbasi, 2019). The next time you\u2019re with your partner and find yourself staring at a screen, consider refocusing your attention onto the people around you in lieu of the people hundreds of miles away. And if you find yourself relegated to second place by a circuit board, consider gently reminding your partner that the people that matter most are right there with him or her in that moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

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    References<\/b><\/p>\n

    Abbasi, Irum Saeed. “Social media and committed relationships: What factors make our romantic relationship vulnerable?.” <\/span>Social Science Computer Review<\/span><\/i> 37.3 (2019): 425-434.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couples\u2019 shared\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. <\/span>Journal of Personality and Social Psychology<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>78<\/span><\/i>(2), 273\u2013284.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Burleson, M.H., Trevathan, W.R. & Todd, M. (2007). In the Mood for Love or Vice Versa? Exploring the Relations Among Sexual Activity, Physical Affection, Affect, and Stress in the Daily Lives of Mid-Aged Women. <\/span>Arch Sex Behav<\/span><\/i> 36, 357\u2013368 https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s10508-006-9071-1<\/span><\/p>\n

    Gordon, A. M., Impett, E. A., Kogan, A., Oveis, C., & Keltner, D. (2012). To have and to hold:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    gratitude promotes relationship maintenance in intimate bonds. <\/span>Journal of Personality\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

    and Social Psychology<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>103<\/span><\/i>(2), 257\u2013274.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Holt-Lunstad, J., Birmingham, W. A., & Light, K. C. (2008) Influence of a \u201cWarm Touch\u201d Support Enhancement Intervention Among Married Couples on Ambulatory Blood Pressure, Oxytocin, Alpha Amylase, and Cortisol. <\/span>Psychosomatic Medicine, 70(9)<\/span><\/i>, 976-985<\/span><\/p>\n

    Karan, A., Rosenthal, R., & Robbins, M. L. (2019). Meta-analytic evidence that we-talk predicts relationship and personal functioning in romantic couples. <\/span>Journal of Social and Personal Relationships<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>36<\/span><\/i>(9), 2624\u20132651. <\/span>https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/0265407518795336<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

    Meltzer, A. L., & McNulty, J. K. (2014). “Tell me I’m sexy\u2026and otherwise valuable:” Body Valuation and Relationship Satisfaction. <\/span>Personal Relationships<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>21<\/span><\/i>(1), 68\u201387. <\/span>https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/pere.12018<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

    Ramezani, A., Ghamari, M., Jafari, A., & Aghdam, G. F. (2020). The Effectiveness of a ToM Training Program in Promoting Empathy Between Married Couples. <\/span>Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>19<\/span><\/i>(1), 1-25.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Slatcher, R. B. (2010). When Harry and Sally met Dick and Jane: Creating closeness between\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    couples. <\/span>Personal Relationships<\/span><\/i>, <\/span>17<\/span><\/i>(2), 279\u2013297.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    *Camerin* Go to a workout class together. If you like to be active and get your sweat on, invite your significant other to come with you! This an amazing chance to show your partner how hard you\u2019ve been working and what they\u2019ve been missing this whole time. Not only will it be a fun activity; […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9876,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-103","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9876"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=103"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":106,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103\/revisions\/106"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=103"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=103"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/socialconnection\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=103"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}