{"id":1819,"date":"2011-07-26T19:27:20","date_gmt":"2011-07-26T23:27:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.law.harvard.edu\/sj\/?p=1819"},"modified":"2011-07-25T02:06:48","modified_gmt":"2011-07-25T06:06:48","slug":"time-machine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/sj\/2011\/07\/26\/time-machine\/","title":{"rendered":"A fully operational time machine"},"content":{"rendered":"

Greg Brainos<\/a>, Raleigh-area\u00a0comic<\/a>\u00a0and Norrin Radd acolyte, recently posted on the Raleigh Craigslist<\/a>\u00a0looking for male time travellers with male friends. \u00a0He tweeted about it<\/a> a few days ago, and got 100 calls and two radio interviews about it before the Time Lords<\/s> Craig pulled the ad. \u00a0The sketchy details gave it a certain appeal to… people who might take it seriously.<\/p>\n

\n
\n

Date: 2011-07-20, 3:07PM EDT<\/p>\n

——————————————————————————–<\/p>\n

TEST SUBJECT NEEDED FOR TIME MACHINE
\nI have successfully built a working time machine and need a human test subject that is willing to be the first person to ever travel back in time.<\/p>\n

Due to the dimensions of the machine, you must be shorter than 6’3″ and weigh less than 230 lbs. Also, you must be male. That’s not due to the dimensions of the machine, it’s just a personal thing. I think a man should be the first to time travel, just like he was the first to fly an airplane and to walk on the moon.<\/p>\n

The pay is $3,000 and, of course, you’ll reap the benefits of being the first person to ever travel back in time (media coverage, endorsements, etc.). You will have to sign a waiver that mainly states:<\/p>\n

1. I am not responsible for anything that happens to you when you time travel.
\n2. You are forbidden from interfering in matters that would disrupt the current timeline (i.e. killing Hitler, warning Hitler about D-Day, etc.).
\n3. You are not allowed to travel back in time for the purposes of tearing up this waiver before it’s been signed, thereby negating this waiver you’re about to sign. I built a time machine, I’m no moron.<\/p>\n

As far as the danger of time traveling in this machine, we sent a dog into the past yesterday and it went off without a hitch. He hasn’t yet returned, but that’s just because animals don’t know how to rendezvous. We would like for you to bring him back, if at all possible.<\/p>\n

Lastly, you will need three personal references. I can’t take a chance sending some unscrupulous druggie into the past because you’ll mess everything up for us here in the present. The references must be male. Again, it’s just a personal thing.<\/p>\n

If you would like to participate, call me on my cell phone <###><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

“For most, I ask whether they’re calling from past or future. They say, ‘Present.’ I say, ‘Nevermind, it obviously didn’t work.’<\/em>\u00a0”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Greg Brainos, Raleigh-area\u00a0comic\u00a0and Norrin Radd acolyte, recently posted on the Raleigh Craigslist\u00a0looking for male time travellers with male friends. \u00a0He tweeted about it a few days ago, and got 100 calls and two radio interviews about it before the Time Lords Craig pulled the ad. \u00a0The sketchy details gave it a certain appeal to… people […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1202,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[207,212,1],"tags":[43411,5676,482,43409,43412,43415,43410],"class_list":["post-1819","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-indescribable","category-null","category-uncategorized","tag-brainos","tag-craigslist","tag-north-carolina","tag-situational-comedy","tag-surfer","tag-travel-time","tag-viral-messaging"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7iVvB-tl","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/sj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1819","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/sj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/sj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/sj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1202"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/sj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1819"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/sj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1819\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1852,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/sj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1819\/revisions\/1852"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/sj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1819"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/sj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1819"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/sj\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1819"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}