{"id":8393,"date":"2007-11-02T13:25:11","date_gmt":"2007-11-02T18:25:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.law.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/2007\/11\/02\/death-scmeath\/"},"modified":"2011-08-05T14:53:39","modified_gmt":"2011-08-05T18:53:39","slug":"death-schmeath-and-funeral-schmuneral","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/2007\/11\/02\/death-schmeath-and-funeral-schmuneral\/","title":{"rendered":"death schmeath (and funeral schmuneral)"},"content":{"rendered":"
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<\/span> <\/span> [<\/span>Tres Calaveras<\/a> from Ladislao Loera<\/span>] <\/span>\"\" <\/span><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n

N<\/strong><\/em>ovember 2nd is celebrated as Dia de Los Muertos<\/a><\/em> — the Day of the Dead — in Mexico and throughout the Southwestern United States, while November 1st is Dia de Los Angelitos<\/em>, a day to remember children who have died (see our prior post<\/a> on Dias de Los Muertos, from 2005)\u00a0\u00a0 Graphic artist Ladislao Loera<\/a> explains the related rituals:<\/p>\n

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“Pictures of the deceased are placed on Dia de los Muertos altars with their favorite food and drink. Candles to light their way home, and soap and water to freshen-up after their long trip back are also often placed on altars. Trinkets they were fond of, symbols they would understand, and gifts are left to communicate to them that they are always in the hearts of those they left behind, and that they are still part of the family even though they aren’t physically with us any longer.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\"\"<\/em> That’s an interesting — and healthy — contrast to the fearful ways in which Euro-centric peoples relate to death. Even when we do remember the dead, it is often with dread, with a fervent need to worry about and pray\/bargain for their salvation, or with a bit of self-pity for our own losses associated with their dying. For example, the superficially similar custom of the Celts, described in The Writer\u2019s Almanac<\/em>‘s mini-history of Halloween<\/a> (October 31, 2007), had them putting “food and wine on their doorstep for the spirits of family members who had come back to visit the home.\u201d But, the gesture seems to have been more one of appeasement — to avoid mistreatment — rather than welcome.<\/p>\n

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Day of the Dead – <\/em>
\n grandma passes grandpa
\nthe olive platter<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

…………………………….. by dagosan<\/span><\/a> [Nov. 4, 2005]<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/span> <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The Smithsonian’s National Museum of the American Indian<\/a> has this description of the spirit of Los Dias de los Muertos<\/a>:<\/p>\n

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\"\" “Although many cultures see death as a cause for sadness rather than celebration, the cultures that observe Los Dias de Los Muertos do not: Death is not seen as something to be faced with fear but as the doorway to other levels of existence. It is believed that during Los Dias de Los Muertos the souls of the dead return to visit the living – a cause for celebation — just like the welcome given a dear friend or relative who visits after a long time away.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Our fear and\/or denial of death has many ramifications in the West. One is the surprisingly-widespread failure to write or update a will, despite a great dislike of governmental intrusion in the distribution of our posthumous estate (see our nudge to write your will<\/a> at shlep<\/em>, on Sept. 11, 2006). It also means that very few people give serious thought, and even fewer give definitive voice, to their wishes as to their own funeral or memorial service.<\/p>\n

\"\" That’s why I applaud Idealawg<\/em><\/a>‘s Stephanie West Allen’s creation of Create a Great Funeral Day<\/a><\/strong>, which she celebrates on October 30th. Indeed, I believe it would be a socially useful and psycho-spiritually healthy custom to throw Create a Great Funeral parties for friends and family (or, to call it a seminar or retreat and do it with work colleagues) on October 30th, or around the Days of the Dead.<\/p>\n

Stephanie says there are “So many advantages to designing your own funeral or memorial service, regardless or your age or state of health! These advantages and benefits include:”<\/p>\n

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\"\" \u2022A gift to your family and other loved ones \u2022A gift to yourself \u2022An expression of your personality, values and life \u2022A new awareness \u2022Improved long-term choices \u2022Better day-to-day decisions \u2022A fresh perspective<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n

To help you organize and follow-through with creating your great service, Stephanie has developed “a step-by-step guide to walk you through the process of planning — a complete funeral or memorial service designing workshop in a book.” See “Creating Your Own Funeral or Memorial Service: A Workbook<\/a><\/strong><\/em>” (1998; reviewed at Wills, Trusts & Estates Prof Blog<\/em><\/a>) She and I invite you to click through the preview of the downloadable book at Lulu.com<\/a>, to learn more about how and why we should each work out a detailed personal Funeral Or Memorial Service [FOMS]. To get you started, here’s a checklist of things to think about:<\/p>\n

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— Your Trustee, Purpose or Purposes of My FOMS, A Funeral or a Memorial Service?,
\n— A Final Rite, Your Body, The Role of the Funeral Director, Structure of My FOMS,
\n— Music, Readings, Eulogy, Passing On Roles, Life Storytelling, Plants and Flowers,<\/p>\n

<\/span> <\/em><\/span>\"\"
\n— Ceremony, People of My FOMS, Pallbearers, Order, Program, Dress, FOMS Procession,
\n— Social Event, When Will My FOMS Be Held?, Physical Location, Geographical Location,
\n— Guest Book, Memory Display, Altar, Photos or Tapes of My FOMS, Invitations, Difficult Situations,
\n— Computer Technology, Cost of My FOMS,<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This post is meant to be a nag and nudge for myself. If I’m still unmarried (or living alone) at my death, I especially owe it to my family and friends to leave guidance for them. At this point, I’ve done little focused thinking about my FOMS, and mostly know what I do not want:<\/p>\n