{"id":10096,"date":"2008-10-07T11:11:03","date_gmt":"2008-10-07T16:11:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.law.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/?p=10096"},"modified":"2011-08-05T14:53:19","modified_gmt":"2011-08-05T18:53:19","slug":"who-are-you-calling-dearie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/2008\/10\/07\/who-are-you-calling-dearie\/","title":{"rendered":"who are you calling “dearie”?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a> T<\/strong><\/em>here’s an article in today’s New York Times<\/em> that deserves our attention and contemplation.\u00a0 It’s titled “In ‘Sweetie’ and ‘Dear,’ a Hurt for the Elderly<\/a>” (October 7, 2008).\u00a0 Reporter John Leland targets elderspeak<\/em> —\u00a0 “the sweetly belittling form of address that has always rankled older people” — and, in particular, people “who address any elderly person as ‘dear’.\u201d<\/p>\n

The article points out that many older persons very much resent being called “Sweetie” or “Dearie,” even when the speaker is trying to be nice or to sound caring.\u00a0 With their implication that the elderly are somehow less than competent or capable, such terms of endearment (especially from strangers or service providers) are condescending.\u00a0 Worse, according to the Times<\/em>:<\/p>\n

“Now studies are finding that the insults can have health consequences, especially if people mutely accept the attitudes behind them, said Becca Levy, an associate professor of epidemiology and psychology at Yale University, who studies the health effects of such messages on elderly people.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\u201cThose little insults can lead to more negative images of aging,\u201d Dr. Levy said. \u201cAnd those who have more negative images of aging have worse functional health over time, including lower rates of survival.\u201d<\/p>\n

“Despite such research, the worst offenders are often health care workers . . . “<\/p>\n

The point is very well taken and should be kept in mind when talking with older persons.\u00a0 Of course, I hope lawyers aren’t guilty of using elderspeak when practicing Elderlaw.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a> This article is a good opportunity to ask even our close relatives and friends whether they would prefer that we drop the Dears and Sweeties.\u00a0\u00a0 Surprisingly, our congenitally cranky Prof. Yabut agrees with the sentiment voiced in the NYT<\/em> article by Oregonian Jan Rowell:<\/p>\n

“Not all older people object to being called sweetie or dear, and some, like Jan Rowell, 61, of West Linn, Ore., say they appreciate the underlying warmth. ‘We\u2019re all reaching across the chasm,’ Ms. Rowell said. ‘If someone calls us sweetie or honey, it\u2019s not diminishing us; it\u2019s just their way to connect, in a positive way.’<\/p>\n

“She added, ‘What would reinforce negative stereotypes is the idea that old people are filled with pet peeves, taking offense at innocent attempts to be friendly’.\u201d<\/p>\n

senior discount day
\nan eighty year old man
\npacks my groceries<\/p>\n

…. by ed markowski<\/p>\n

.. Psst: Boomers don’t like it either <\/em>.. \"\"<\/a> ..<\/p>\n

A<\/em><\/strong> couple of recent incidents from my own life made me very aware — at age 58 — that terms of address can come with irksome aging implications.\u00a0 Last Spring, a 20-something stranger in my neighborhood park twice called me “Pops.”\u00a0 It did not sound like a term of respect or endearment.\u00a0 It was at least a decade premature and ran contrary to the youthful self-image that resides in my psyche.\u00a0 Worse, the thought arose “it’s not going to get any better.”<\/p>\n

the um in her voice
\nbefore offering me
\nthe senior discount<\/p>\n

\u2026.. by Carolyn Hall – A New Resonance <\/em>2; Frogpond<\/em> XXIII:2<\/p>\n

Similarly, a couple weeks ago, in two separate incidents on the same morning, two young women I had never met called me “Dear” and deferred to me as I was entering a building — first at a supermarket, then at my doctor’s office.\u00a0 Frankly, rightly or wrongly, my male ego felt diminished: they weren’t just saying I was a lot older than them, they were implying I was over the hill, non-threatening, genderless.<\/p>\n

Discovery channel –
\nan older male vanquished
\nheads for the hills<\/p>\n

… by Tom Clausen – Upstate Dim Sum<\/em> (2003\/II)<\/p>\n

.. \"\"<\/a> (1971) ..\u00a0 in my mind I’m still 19<\/em> .. \"\"<\/a> (2008) ..<\/p>\n

In a related event, last month my lovely friend Sharon, who is 47 and looks 37, opined that many men well over forty “go around thinking they’re still 19.”\u00a0 I confessed to her that I had in fact recently said to myself, “When I walk around, I feel just like I did at 19 — at least until my knee hurts or I catch my reflection in a window.”\u00a0 To be honest, having been through quite a few ordeals the past few decades, it’s great that my spirit — unless reminded otherwise — still feels like it did when I was in college.\u00a0 It would, of course, be wonderful not to be reminded otherwise any more often than absolutely necessary, when I deal with younger folk.<\/p>\n

Nonetheless, I hope I’ll keep in mind the words of Warren Cassell, of Portland, Ore., in today’s NYT<\/em> article:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m irked by it, but I can\u2019t think about it that much. There are too many more important things to think about.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a> Well, this “quickie” post sure got long.\u00a0 I’ll say “so long” with a few more one-breath poems from my friends.<\/p>\n

the aging gourd
\nand I
\ncast our shadows<\/p>\n

. . . . . . . . . . by Kobayashi Issa (David G. Lanoue, translator)<\/p>\n

\n

Valentine kisses –
\ntrying it with and without
\ndentures<\/p>\n

. . . . by dagosan<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

\n

mother\u2019s day
\na nurse unties
\nthe restraints<\/p>\n

.. by Roberta Beary – The Unworn Necklace<\/a>: Haiku and Senryu<\/em> (Snapshot Press 2007)<\/p>\n

\n

warming up
\nover a cup of tea
\nmy mother-in-law<\/p>\n

\u2026\u2026\u2026\u00a0 by Tom Painting – Frogpond<\/em> XXXI:1 (Winter 2008) \"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

calling home\u2013
\nthe color of mother\u2019s voice
\nbefore her words<\/p>\n

\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 by Hilary Tann, in \u201cdust of summers: RMA 2007<\/em>\u201d; orig. pub. The Heron\u2019s Nest <\/em>IX:4<\/p>\n

\n

\n

visiting mother\u2014
\nagain she finds
\nmy first grey hair<\/p>\n

. . . . by Michael Dylan Welch – TAO<\/p>\n

in the attic
\ngrandpa searches
\nfor his marbles<\/p>\n

… by w.f. own – Haiku Notebook<\/em> (2007)<\/p>\n

clouded moon
\nan old man
\nebbs away<\/p>\n

.. by Matt Morden – Morden Haiku<\/em><\/a> (January 31, 2007)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There’s an article in today’s New York Times that deserves our attention and contemplation.\u00a0 It’s titled “In ‘Sweetie’ and ‘Dear,’ a Hurt for the Elderly” (October 7, 2008).\u00a0 Reporter John Leland targets elderspeak —\u00a0 “the sweetly belittling form of address that has always rankled older people” — and, in particular, people “who address any elderly […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":94,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[555,1414],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10096","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-haiku-or-senryu","category-qs-quickies"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6kP1R-2CQ","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10096","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/94"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10096"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10096\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12159,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10096\/revisions\/12159"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10096"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10096"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/ethicalesq\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10096"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}