f/k/a archives . . . real opinions & real haiku

We’re not quite ready-for-posting yet today here at f/k/a, due to even more distractions than usual.  But, we’ve been thinking quite a bit about the homeless recently — and especially this distressing trend — and I’m going to put up a few one-breath poems to tide our faithful visitors over until the full presentation is ready later this afternoon.

— I’d usually say “enjoy,” but this time maybe “reflect” is more appropriate.

deep
in the scent of summer
a homeless man

autumn wind—
a leaf and homeless man
cross paths

……………………….. by Andrew Riutta
“deep” – Roadrunner (Winter 2005)

skid row
a man snores beneath
yesterday’s headlines

*

bus stop
a man with one leg
lives here

*

tow away zone
under
the
sign
men
asleep

……….. by Ed Markowski

school’s out 
the homeless man
crosses the street

… by dagosan

for this homeless body
of mine, spring’s
first day

…………… by Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

 

After five years of blogging (and a lifetime of dealing with deadlines and project estimates), you’d think I would know better than to think I could throw an interesting and informative posting together quickly enough to be able to enjoy most of our “best ever August weather” here in Schenectady. Instead, I’m smacking my head over having my butt stuck in my desk chair for the second day in a row without yet posting a darn thing. It’s time to cut bait so I can figuratively go fishing. Here are a few ONEsies that might get you smacking your foreheads, too:

If you hired a real estate agent without haggling over the fee, Smack Yourself: We’ve been telling you for years (as has the FTC) that those 6 or 7% realtor commissions are not prescribed by law or etched in stone. A survey featured in the most recent issue of Consumer Reports proves it. See “Buying, selling, remodeling: How to protect yourself in today’s rocky real-estate market” (September 2008; see the summary “What the Survey Found“); also “Home sellers can haggle over commissions” (MSNBC.com, Aug. 4, 2008);

According to a CR Press Release:

“Forty-six percent of sellers CR surveyed attempted to negotiate a lower commission rate. Roughly 71 percent succeeded. The survey also found that sellers who paid commission rates 3 percent or lower were just as satisfied with their brokers’ performance as those who paid 6 percent or more, suggesting that haggling can’t hurt.

“Respondents who paid extra, in fact, were more likely to say they had regrets about the selling process. Nearly one-third said they should have been more assertive in negotiating their agent’s fee.”

Another Smacker: The CR survey found that those who did not use a broker at all got closer to their asking price than did those with a broker. (To understand why, see American Antitrust Institute Symposium on Competition in the Residential Real Estate Brokerage Industry (2005); and the NYT article from June 8, 2007, “One City’s Home Sellers Do Better on Their Own.”) [See the Nolo.com article Do You Need a Real Estate Agent to Sell Your House?]

river flood
a “For Sale” sign
on a cottage roof

.. by George Swede – from Almost Unseen (Brooks Books, 2000)

spring rain–
in the window they haggle
over fish

.. by Kobayashi Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

moving day
the other men
in her life

.. by John Stevenson – Quiet Enough (Red Moon Press, 2004)

autumn haze
a farmer dusts off
the “for sale” sign

. . . by Laryalee Fraser, Clouds Peak (#2, Oct. 2006)

If You Forgot to Plant a St. Joseph Statue in Your Yard (and your house never sold), Smack Your Insufficiently Superstitious Head (and bow it in prayer): Here at f/k/a, we know St. Joseph of Nazareth as the Patron Saint of the Involuntarily Celibate, but over at the Consumer Reports Blog, readers learned a couple weeks ago that St. Joe also helps sell houses. The posting “A saintly appeal to help sell homes” (Aug. 5, 2008) tells us:

“In a sluggish housing market, . . . some sellers bury a statue of St. Joseph in their yard to try to help close the deal. As noted on Snopes.com, people have been relying on the heavenly help for years.

Indeed: “Mary Ann Giacobbe, a real-estate agent in New Rochelle, New York, a suburb north of New York City, says she usually has a bag of statues on hand for clients who want one. ‘I don’t care what religion you are, homeowners are doing it,’ says Giacobbe.”

If you want more information on this topic (or want to purchase a St. Joe Real Estate packet), check out the Amazon.com page for “St. Joseph, My Real Estate Agent: Patron Saint of Home Life and Home Selling” (Mass Market Paperback) by Stephen J. Binz. Of course, the non-believers at f/k/a do not warrant the efficacy of the St. Joseph statue (nor the Backyard Virgin in a Tub phenomenon).

. . If You Believe Unsubstantiated Health Claims, Smack Your Forehead (and grab a hankie) : See “Makers of Airborne Settle FTC Charges of Deceptive Advertising; Agreement Brings Total Settlement Funds to $30 Million; Consumers Have Until September 15 to Apply for Refunds” (Federal Trade Commission, Press Release, Aug. 14, 2008; FTC v. Airborne Health, Inc. et al., FTC File No. 0723183, Complaint and Final Order); “Airborne Coughs Up Millions to Settle Suit” (Washington Post, Aug. 14, 2008) (via Stephen Gardner at the CLPBlog, who also explains here, why the FTC’s Airborne settlement is notable)

To learn how to get your refund from the private class action case, go to www.airbornehealthsettlement.com.

In his interesting Dissenting Statement, FTC Commissioner J. Thomas Rosch complained that the settlement did not go far enough because:

• it allows the defendants to deplete their existing inventory of paper cartons and display trays until October 31, 2008, which will continue to perpetuate misperceptions about the products’ ability to prevent or reduce colds, sickness or infection; to protect against or help fight germs; and to protect against colds, sickness, or infection in crowded places such as airplanes, offices, or schools.
• it fails to address claims on the current packaging that assert that the product has “immune-boosting” qualities. [Ed. Note: the current Airborne box makes the squishy claim that it “helps support your immune system.”]
• it does not require that Finally, and most importantly, it is my opinion that Airborne Health Products engage in corrective advertising, to erase lingering misperceptions.

Airborne Health, Inc., offers a Letter to Our Users, responding to the private settlement and making the valid point that no one has questioned the safety of its product’s “unique, proprietary blend of vitamins, minerals and herbs.” There is no doubt at all (see the WaPo article) that tens of thousands of users swear that Airborne helps them avoid colds and flu.

spooning up soup
and bringing forth
the moon

.. by Kobayashi Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

flu season
she refuses
my hand

… by Yu Chang – from Upstate Dim Sum (2004/1)

I lean
into the soup’s steam…
snow flurries

… by Gary Hotham from breathmarks (Canon Press, 1999)

back home
with Christmas memories –
and mom’s flu

… by dagosan

Aging Prisoners: More Skewed Choices Due to a Lack of National Health Care: Smack yourself twice, if you don’t think our failure to ensure health care for all Americans ends up skewing choices and policies facing our government, taxpayers, and families. It affects the jobs we seek or keep, whether we marry or divorce, if many will eat or go bankrupt, and — for another example — check out “Missouri uses special unit to cope with growing numbers of geriatric inmates” (The Kansas City Star, Aug. 20, 2008; via Gideon at A Public Defender); “Aging Behind Bars: Prison strains to accomodate older inmates” (California Lawyer, by Sarah Amquist, May 2008); and Aging Prisoners: Crisis in American Corrections, by Ronald H. Aday (2003).

the temple guard
sick from the crowds…
cherry blossoms

while sick
I wear it on my head…
winter quilt

… by Kobayashi Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

Smack Myself for Surfing Over to Simple Justice with Important Deadlines to Meet: We never learn. Despite wanting to get outside ASAP today, we headed to Scott Greenfield’s Simple Justice weblog, and were soon immersed in several interesting postings, and the Comments thereto. If you’re stuck at work and need some useful diversion, you might want to check out the following pieces (but don’t be surprised if you end up with a smack mark on your forehead come COB):

• “The Professional Business of Law” (Aug. 17, 2008) – do we need more professionalism in the practice of law? Obvious answer: Yes. But Scott explores why.
• “Does ‘Presumed Innocent’ Mean Less Than ‘Innocent’?” (Aug. 19, 2008) Scott dances on the head of this rhetorical and legal pin.
• “Tainted by Google Forever” (Aug. 18, 2008) Should a newspaper with its archives online have to remove a story tarring a person’s reputation when charges are never proven, but Google will haunt him forever? Scott points out that there are easy ways to update the story without removing it, so there’s no excuse to let the taint remain perpetually. (These issues are raised by Dan Solove’s “The Future of Reputation,” which we reviewed here)

firefly season
ends —
our freshman packs her car

… by dagosan

• Finally, in “Dropping a Kid Off at College” (Aug. 20, 2008), the tough-guy criminal defense lawyer shows his softer side.

sick in bed –
my son pelts the window
with snowballs

… by Tom Clausen – from Homework (Snapshot Press 2000)

Jackson Browne v. John McCain et al.

Everyone I know, everywhere I go
People need some reason to believe

Running on – running on empty
Running on – running blind
Running on – running into the sun
But I’m running behind

.. lyrics from “Running on Empty” (1977) by Jackson Browne

Whether you read the Main Stream Media, law blawgs, or celebrity rags, you surely know by this morning that liberal-activist singer-songwriter Jackson Browne — who wants a world with “More light, more love, more truth, more innovation” — is suing Republican presidential candidate John McCain for using Browne’s song “Running on Empty” without permission in an ad mocking Barack Obama for suggesting proper tire inflation could do more to solve our gasoline crisis than drilling offshore. According to the WSJ Law Blog and the L.A. Times Top of the Ticket blog:

• On Thursday, Browne filed a copyright infringement suit against both McCain and the Republican National Committee in U.S. District Court in L.A. seeking a permanent injunction as well as damages. The suit claims that use of “Running on Empty” violates the Lanham Act by falsely implying that Browne is associated with or endorses the McCain candidacy. The suit also claims the commercial violates Browne’s right of publicity under California law.
• Browne’s lawyer Lawrence Y. Iser says the McCain campaign has a track record of using music without permission.

“They used a John Mellencamp song until he made them stop and he used an ABBA song and a Frankie Valli song — it’s ridiculous and it’s setting a terrible example,” Iser said. “It’s shocking that they don’t even attempt to get permission. There’s no copyright difference between using a song to sell cars or by people running for president. The music industry continues to suffer due to lack of respect for intellectual property rights, and a candidate for president has a duty to lead by example and ensuring their campaign does as well. The copyright protections are derived from the Constitution itself.”

It’s a lovely summer Saturday, so there’s no chance of getting any legal insights out of Prof. Yabut or the rest of the f/k/a Gang about this lawsuit. And, all the media and web stories point out the obvious ironies. As we mentioned in a post on Valentine’s Day 2004,

“Browne’s 1977 anthem Running on Empty, appeared during my first year practicing law, and captured the out-of-control fatigue of the anxious neophyte in a high-powered, government job.“

One does have to wonder why a candidate fighting a too-old-guy image, and running against an inspiring young man giving us “a reason to believe,” would choose this particular song.

  By the way: As we noted in one of our posts on efficient driving, the Federal Trade Commission consumer alert “Saving Money at the Gas Pump: A Bumper-to-Bumper Guide” (2006) says: “When it comes to stretching your gas budget, how you drive can be almost as important as how far you drive.“ And: “Keeping your tires properly inflated and aligned can increase gas mileage up to three percent.”

Naturally, RonE also has a bit of resonance for an aging Baby Boomer (yes, that is redundant) who’s dealing daily with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. So, the story was a great excuse for finding a YouTube presentation of “Running on Empty” from a live concert in 1979, and listening to it this morning.

We hope fellow Obama supporter Jackson Browne won’t mind our including the YouTube clip here for your entertainment and education:

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/bww2prhAWEA" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Having used up our alloted time for posting and finding content today, you’re stuck with a few more poems by dagosan from the brand new edition of Simply Haiku:

first warm day
i reach for her
gloveless hand

a broken heart carved
on the frozen pond —
fish bucket empty

summer solstice:
no shade on either
side of the street

… by David Giacalone – Simply Haiku (vol. 6 no. 3, Fall 2008)

And, here’s a reduced version of a Giacalone photo-haiga that somehow seems to fit today:

naked scarecrow
birds of prey
circle above

– from Simply Haiku (vol. 6 no. 3, Fall 2008)

Photo: Arthur Giacalone
Poem: David Giacalone
Simply Haiku

By the way: Nice timing for this controversy and publicity: Next month, Jackson Browne will issue his first studio album in six years, titled Time the Conquerer.

p.s. Need more to chew over while hammock-swinging this weekend? Check out the Lawyer2Lawyer Interview of Gerry Spence, by J. Craig Williams and Bob Ambrogi (via LegalBlogWatch; and see our discussion of this lawyer legend and neophyte blawger) Even Prof. Yabut is going to listen to find out why Spence — like the f/k/a Gang — says “Lawyers disappoint me.” (Update/Disclaimer: See Scott Greenfield’s comment and my response below.)

Here are some quickies in the continuing spirit of one-breath punditry. Although they all involve Baby Boomers, we refuse to wheeze to show our age.

my father’s grave,
on vacations
and holiday weekends

…. by John Stevenson – Simply Haiku (senryu page) Fall 2008; orig. pub. Upstate Dim Sum

it can’t be helped
my old man
is rotting away

… by Roberta Beary – Simply Haiku (senryu page) Fall 2008;

The new edition of Simply Haiku (vol. 6, no. 3, Fall 2008) went online this morning, and it may leave you breathless. As you probably already know, Simply Haiku is your online “Showcase for Japanese Short Form poetry” — haiku, senryu, tanka, haibun, linked forms, haiga, interviews, book reviews, and much more.

The two poems above appeared in the Senryu Section of SH for Fall 2008, which has some parody versions of well-know haiku, and others dealing with the Dark Side and Death. Senryu editor Al Pizzarelli also included among his selections the following poems by members of f/k/a‘s Honored Guest Poet family:

cedar shadows
her whisper guides me
to the squirrel

… by Laryalee Fraser – orig. pub. Simply Haiku – winter 2007

werewolf movie
at the commercial
letting the dog out

…. by w.f. owen – orig. pub. Frogpond

. . There’s much more below from the new Simply Haiku. . .

day of the obit
inside his wallet
me at eleven

…. by Roberta Beary – orig. pub. Moonset 4:1

funeral procession
the last car
picks up a hitchhiker

… by Ed Markowski – orig. pub. raw nervz X:3,

Bravo to Tom Armstrong: As you can read in the AP article “Crusading ex-Pa. lawmaker takes in sex offenders” (Associated Press, Aug. 14, 2008), Tom Armstrong has angered his neighbors in Marietta, PA, by choosing to follow his religious belief in forgiveness and opening his home to three sex offenders. The AP story begins:

“A former tough-on-crime Pennsylvania lawmaker has adopted a new and unpopular cause, taking into his home three sex offenders who couldn’t find a place to live — a stand that has angered neighbors, drawn pickets and touched off a zoning dispute.”

Last week, the town Zoning Board concluded that “Armstrong’s housing the men in his large Victorian home violated a borough ordinance prohibiting more than four unrelated people to live in a common residence in historic residential zones.” See “Marietta ousts sex offenders: Tom Armstrong loses appeal to house men” (Lancaster Online, Aug. 7, 2008). ABCNews interviewed Armstrong, and you can watch the video segment by clicking on that link.

More we shall not say, but links to our many posts on Sex Offender Residency Laws can be found at the foot of this prior posting about Schenectady’s ill-conceived SORR laws.

summer contrails —
the distance
to the rainbow

pressed violets
in grandma’s diary…
winter chill

… by Laryalee Fraser – Simply Haiku (vol. 6, no. 3, Fall 2008)

More Bad News for Motorcycle Riders: Last April, we mentioned seeing too many articles reporting that “older riders are adding to motorcycle fatalities” and “rusty baby boomers on bikes” are getting into a lot of accidents. Sadly, the trend continues, as is told today in “Motorcyclists Deaths Rise by More Than 6 Percent” (New York Times, Aug. 15, 2008). Indeed,

Although deaths by people in cars and trucks, on bicycles or on foot, declined last year, “death of motorcyclists surged 6.6 percent, to 5,5154,” with 2007 being the 10th straight year of increase for such deaths.

country road
the Nam vet
revs his Harley

…… by Tom Painting – Acorn No. 20, Spring 2008

Among the points made in today’s NYT piece:

• “And, safety officials say, many of the riders are middle-age or older men who rode when they were young, gave it up as they raised children and have recently gone back to the bike. ‘They think they still have the same reflexes,’ said James Port, the safety agency’s deputy administrator.”
  • Yet ridership has probably become more dangerous mile for mile. One reason is a decline in the number of states requiring the use of helmets.

  ” . . . . At the Motorcycle Safety Foundation, which is financed by the manufacturers, Tim Buche, the president, said a person killed on a motorcycle was 2.5 times more likely to be under the influence of alcohol than a person killed in a car and three times more likely not to have a proper license.”

Prof. Yabut points out: If you’ve already produced offspring before engaging in foolishly reckless activities, you’re not technically culling the herd.

Simply Tanka: Two of our f/k/a poets who are much more likely to be found writing verse than doing wheelies are Tom Clausen and Michael Dylan Welch. Each of them has a page of tanka in the Fall 2008 edition of Simply Haiku. Here are two out of ten by Tom, and two more out of eight by Michael:

the house
according to her
has again become a mess,
why oh why can’t we
just accept it

scattering salt
on the icy steps
I step back
with a rare sense of doing
something useful

by Tom Clausen – Simply Haiku – tanka (vol. 6. no. 3, Fall 2008)

wobbly bicycle tracks–
melted ice cream
wets the pavement
here and there
along the pier

my kids now inspire
many poems,
to the point of sentimentality–
I long for adult distractions,
for the point of a kiss

… by Michael Dylan Welch – Simply Haiku – tanka (vol. 6. no. 3, Fall 2008)

Very, very good to me: Although they rejected my moody-artist mug shot, the folks at Simply Haiku were also very good to the Giacalone family in its new edition. Here are two of the five poems by f/k/a‘s proprietor in Simply Haiku (vol. 6 no. 3, Fall 2008):

windy day
more blossoms at the curb
than on the tree

harvest moon —
our windshield fogging
as we argue

.. by David Giacalone – Simply Haiku (vol. 6 no. 3, Fall 2008)

If you like your haiku linked to photographs, head over to the Giacalone Brothers Modern Haiga collection in the Fall 2008 issue of Simply Haiku. Here’s a smaller version of one of the haiga:

equinox
the insomniac
waits for dawn

– Modern Haiga from Simply Haiku (Fall 2008)
photo: Arthur Giacalone
poem: David Giacalone

My alter egos all agree: We need to post more ONEsies [Odds-N-Ends] here at f/k/a — short, simple blurbs that succinctly point to, quote from, or opine upon stories or topics of interest. For one thing, they would cut a lot less into our (and your) nap time than the Editor’s customary prolix punditry. Denizens of this website know we’ve tried “one-breath punditry” before and (despite our poetic preference for tiny poems) have found it very difficult to be persistently pithy. Nonetheless, being curmudgeons, we’re all secret-optimists at heart, so here we go again — taking a deep breath and trying to keep it short, with a lotta help from Kobayashi Issa and his talented translator Professor David G. Lanoue.

the plowman
shows me a shortcut…
evening

.. ..

Click to see a MySpace video of Caloon Saloon performing “Odds & Ends” by Bob Dylan with Antoine Gratton.

on my sleeve
catching his breath…
worn-out firefly

…. by Kobayashi Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

Speaking of Onesies: We’re still waiting for follow-up news on the Got Milk? vs Got Breastmilk? controversy that burst into the news a few weeks ago. See our “got jugs?” post from July 30th. So far, Paul Bratton, the Alaska Backwoods Lawyer who represents the artist who made the controversial Got Breastmilk? Onesies and t-shirts has not offered any updates. If you have information on the latest stage of this trademark battle, please let us know.

a baby boy
cries for milk…
glorious blossoms

.. by Kobayashi Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

.. Hillary Hijacking the Convention: Yes, we’ve pledged to avoid writing political commentary at this weblog and have tried hard to stifle the urge, but (thankfully) Maureen Dowd surely hasn’t. In yesterday’s NYT column, “Yes, She Can” (New York Times, Aug. 13, 2008), Dowd tells how “In just a couple of weeks, Bill and Hill were able to drag No Drama Obama into a swamp of Clinton drama,” making the up-coming Democratic Presidential Convention “all about them.” I was annoyed to see that:

“Obama also allowed Hillary supporters to insert an absurd statement into the platform suggesting that media sexism spurred her loss and that ‘demeaning portrayals of women … dampen the dreams of our daughters’.”

But, I’m pleased to quote Dowd’s response:

It would have been better to put this language in the platform: “A woman who wildly mismanages and bankrupts a quarter-of-a-billion-dollar campaign operation, and then blames sexism in society, will dampen the dreams of our daughters.”

his detested wife’s
violets…
all have bloomed

pretending not to see
his wife’s face…
defeated wrestler

… by Issa and Lanoue

.. Trolleys and Train Tunnels: On the same day that the New York Times has a big spread about the hopeful future of streetcars in our nation’s cities, the Schenectady Daily Gazette, its Upstate minor-league cousin, reports on the discovery — about a block from where I live — of what appears to be the first-ever railway tunnel in the nation.

• In “Downtowns Across the U.S. See Streetcars in Their Future” (New York Times, Aug. 14, 2008) we learn that: “At least 40 cities are exploring streetcar plans to spur economic development, ease traffic congestion and draw young professionals and empty-nest baby boomers back from the suburbs, according to the Community Streetcar Coalition, which includes city officials, transit authorities and engineers who advocate streetcar construction.”

Your editor misses the streetcars that still ran in Georgetown, when he was a college kid in DC, and has fond memories of those that are still operating in the Boston area. If you’re interesting in trolleys and streetcars, go to the APTA (American Public Transportation Association) Streetcar and Heritage Trolley Site, where you’ll find an illustrated overview of urban heritage trolley or modern streetcar systems currently operating in the United States and Canada, with a background description, photos and maps of each system.

cold sky
a trolley headlight
cresting the hill

… by paul m. – The Heron’s Nest (2000)

• Sorry, Cleveland: According to Schenectady City Historian Don Rittner, he uncovered yesterday “the country’s first rudimentary railroad tunnel, buried in the center of the historic Stockade district.” See “Find may be the first railway tunnel” (Daily Gazette, by Kathleen Moore, Aug. 14, 2008):

. . . . “The 15-foot-deep tunnel snakes its way across what are now a dozen or more private backyards. But in 1832, that land was a major thoroughfare — the foundation of the city’s prosperity and growth for the next century. . . . Hundreds of business owners and daring families rode through the tunnel on trains so experimental that they were considered too dangerous [due to speed and sparks] to be allowed on city streets.”

Cleveland already displays what it claims to be the first railroad tunnel. However, Rittner says Cleveland’s was built two years after Schenectady’s — whose entrance was also the first junction of two railroad companies, according to Rittner. He’s hoping to convince the McDonald family, which owns The Stockade Inn, to let him dig up a portion of the tunnel nearby and display it forever under a see-through cover.

a big snow–
the exit tunnel
is my lucky direction

.. by Issa and Lanoue

tunnel of love
she props the stuffed frog
between us

– Ed Markowski

subway blues
strummin’ light
through the tunnel

.. by Pamela Miller Ness from pink light, sleeping
(Small Poetry Press, 1998)

Psst, Meester, Wanna Buy a Beeg Car?: If you’ve been shopping for a small, fuel-efficient car — whether new or used — you know they’ve spiked up in price over the past few months. The flip-side of that phenomenon, of course, is the rapid decrease in value of S.U.V.’s and pickup trucks. Yesterday’s New York Times describes “An S.U.V. traffic jam” (Aug. 13, 2008), saying “The market for sport utility vehicles is starting to look a lot like the housing market, spreading pain to consumers, automakers and dealers.” For many families, switching now from an SUV to a small car means “selling low and buying high,” but they are doing just that, even though crunching the numbers would suggest they hold onto that dinosaur a bit longer (and instead try to drive a lot less). The NYT article explores the logic, the psychological dissonance, and the stark reality for manufacturers, dealers and consumers, in response to high gas prices.

Despite our long loathing of unnecessarily large vehicles, the f/k/a Gang is successfully avoiding the congenital urge to say “We told you so.” So far, EQ and empathy are winning over schadenfreude — but, we’re only human.

world of suffering–
when the gods travel, too
a storm

… by Issa and Lanoue

This time Scalia’s Right (about Legal Writing): We often disagree with the often-disagreeable Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia (see our post “wordless Italian with Nino“). But, he made a couple of very good points last Saturday in a speech to “the Scribes” — the American Society of Legal Writers. See “Scalia: Legal Writing Doesn’t Exist” (ABAJournalNews, Aug. 9, 2008). In accepting a lifetime achievement award, the Crusty Justice to the Scribes “I do not believe that legal writing exists.” Scalia went on the explain:

“That is to say, I do not believe it exists as a separate genre of writing. Rather, I think legal writing belongs to that large, undifferentiated, unglamorous category of writing known as nonfiction prose. Someone who is a good legal writer would, but for the need to master a different substantive subject, be an equivalently good writer of history, economics or, indeed, theology.”

While teaching legal writing, a young Antonin Scalia correctly came to understand, “I as I think it must become to clear to anyone who is burdened with the job of teaching legal writing, that what these students lacked was not the skill of legal writing, but the skill of writing at all. To tell the truth, at as late a stage as law school, I doubt this skill can be taught.” The only hope to remedy that problem, according to Scalia, is the realization of two prerequisites for self-improvement in writing:

1. “the realization—and it occurred to my students as an astounding revelation – that there is an immense difference between writing and good writing.” And
2. “that it takes time and sweat to convert the former into the later.”

helping the child’s hand
write it…
the “Star Poem“

walking on alone
I write on a wall…
autumn dusk

.. by Issa and Lanoue

Naturally, you knew . . .: Our perceptive readers surely figured it out long before the f/k/a Gang did: Writing a whole bunch of ONEsies, with poetry and images, saved us absolutely no time. We’ve frittered away almost an entire afternoon, on a rather balmy summer day. No nap or hammock time achieved yet today. None on the horizon. It’s back to the drawing board for a new strategy or Mission Statement for f/k/a.

weary cormorant–
no festival holiday
for you

so weary–
cool tree shade makes me
double back

.. by Kobayashi Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

On a slow summer afternoon, the f/k/a Gang is often in a “year ago today” kind of mood — having learned long agao that rummaging in our archives can be a cheap, easy way to fill up a weblog posting. It’s been extra-sleepy around here all day, and with the evening approaching and nothing prepared to post, we’ve quickly checked out what was happening at f/k/a on the 13th of August in other years. We hope you’ll enjoy our reminiscence.

In 2008, as in 2007, August 12th and 13th bring the peak of the annual Perseid meteor shower. Click here for some great photos from 2007. And check your skies tonight for a heavenly show.

long after
the fireworks
a shooting star

…. by George Swede from Almost Unseen

trail dust settles—
a shooting star bobs
over a spider’s turret

… by Michael Dylan Welch – from Thornewood Poems

August 13, 2007 — Was a Monday, and we were praising “inspired solo” Sheryl Sisk Shelin for presenting Blawg Review #121 without the artifice of an awkward theme. See our post “having no inspiration can be inspiring.”

On a substantive note, we wrote about Our Uninspired Health Care System:, with a discussion of a New York Times editorial “World’s Best Medical Care?” (Aug. 12, 2007). We opined that it was easy to agree with NYT that:

With health care emerging as a major issue in the presidential campaign and in Congress, it will be important to get beyond empty boasts that this country has “the best health care system in the world” and turn instead to fixing its very real defects. The main goal should be to reduce the huge number of uninsured, who are a major reason for our poor standing globally. . . . The world’s most powerful economy should be able to provide a health care system that really is the best.

The New York Times has coincidentally published another eye-opening piece about the American health care system today. In “Health Benefits Inspire Rush to Marry, or Divorce” (Aug. 13, 2008, by Kevin Sack), we learn that “it is not uncommon for couples to marry, or even to divorce, at least partly so one spouse can obtain or maintain health coverage.” For example:

“In a poll conducted this spring by the Kaiser Family Foundation, a health policy research group, 7 percent of adults said someone in their household had married in the past year to gain access to insurance. The foundation cautions that the number should not be taken literally, but rather as an intriguing indicator that some Americans ‘are making major life decisions on the basis of health care concerns’.”

I’ve got to say it again: I’m ashamed to live in such a such a wealthy nation, which constantly lectures other peoples about “human rights,” but whose people are apparently too greedy and selfish — or its leaders too much in the sway of powerful lobbies and bogus ideologies — to grant every American the basic right to universal health care. The number of lives that have been lost, families that have been bankrupted, and decisions (from careers to marriages) that have been skewed, because we lack universal health care coverage is shameful. [For more on how our (non-)system of medical care compares to those in other industrialized democracies, see our prior post “please watch and discuss ‘Sick Around the World’” (April 16, 2008).]

For haiku inspiration, a year ago today, we posted the following poems that were selected for the Shiki Haikusphere 10th Anniversary Anthology (2007) (full cover image)

Valentine’s Day –
pulling a thorn
from my palm

blue heron
all paddles
at rest

melting snow
headlines of war
fall apart

…………….. by Yu Chang

he’s gone
and gone too
the hydrangea

early spring walk
the roughness of the scarf
that was mother’s

first cold night
my fingers snug
in mother’s old gloves

…………… by Roberta Beary

disinfectant jar –
there must be 14 or 15
barber’s combs

clouding sky
my finger
on the bear track

broken tennis racket –
my aging father says
he won’t replace it

………………………… by Michael Dylan Welch

Two more from Yu Chang from Upstate Dim Sum 2007/I

just in time
to pick blueberries
August evening

lingering heat
the pale color
of green beans

August 13, 2005 — We posted “first kisses and brain freezes“, which was a quickie, featuring the following haiku and senryu:

first kiss
deep in the woods
sunbeams filter down

… by Randy Brooks from School’s Out (Press Here, 1999)

lemon-ice stand –
the lawyer-dad looks for
a Brain Freeze Warning

… by dagosan

August 13, 2004 – Was a “rainy Friday the 13th” and found the f/k/a Gang with eyes closed, in a virtual hammock, listening to the delightful Rumpole Rests His Case (2002), narrated by Tony Britton. We opened our collective eyes long enough to share a handful of one-breath poems:

rain stopped
her silk blouse
on the chair

.. by paul m., from A New Resonance 2: Emerging Voices (Jim Kacian, Dee Evetts, eds., Red Moon Press, 2001); orig. pub.: Modern Haiku XXIV:2

the far edge
of the sea is lost
misty rain

…. by jim kacian, from Chincoteagu (Red Moon Press, 2000)

sudden lightning–
the street mime
claps

… by michael dylan welch, from snow on the water: The Red Moon Anthology 1998 (Jim Kacian, et al, Eds.).

baker’s dozen of
bagels — we eschew
triskaidekaphobia

the garbage bag lands –
squirrel and I
startle eachother

… by dagosan

August 13, 2006 — We were in the midst of a posting hiatus — and probably spent the day on a comfy futon, parked in front of a fan or two. Hmmm. Sounds like a great idea. See you in our dreams.

A few days ago, we told you about cranky sleep–deprived lawyers. Because getting more sleep seems unrealistic for most of us, our search for solutions has focused on finding efficient, enjoyable, and easy ways to ingest copious amounts of caffeine. Naturally, a good cup of strong coffee comes to mind as the handiest method for overcoming the effects of too little sleep.

morning glories …
the bite & burn
of a double espresso

.. by ed markowski – Haiku Harvest (Fall/Winter 2005)

If you’re at all like the f/k/a Gang, coffee became an important part of your life right about the time you started your first real office job (for us, it was as a newbie lawyer) and discovered the joys of the bottomless free cup-a-joe in the snack room.

Monday again–
folks in the latte line
praise this morning’s moon

.. by Billie Wilson – Mariposa 11 (2004)

Of course, many Americans (such as Ms. Scheherazade at Stay of Execution) cringe at the suggestion of coffee as a cure for any ailment. They’ve been brain-washed into believing that there’s something unhealthy about drinking coffee, because all sorts of nannies in the health care sector have been trying over the past few decades to scare us away from coffee and caffeine with dire warnings of short- and long-term health risks.

Nonetheless, despite incessant nagging from close relatives and significant others (mostly of the female variety), most coffee drinkers have refused to give up imbibing their beloved, aromatic drink of choice.

Indeed, as we reported in “Your Coffee or Your Life?” (April 29, 2004), a survey several years ago found that coffee (not sex or chocolate) was mentioned by Senior Citizens most often as the item they would never give up just to stay youthful. Maybe age does bring wisdom.

the taste
of coffee –
the aftertaste

.. by dagosan [07-10-04]

It turns out that our stalwart fidelity to chronic coffee drinking (the real stuff, not that decaf impostor), has been vindicated. Over the past few years, there’s been a steady flow of research results to lighten the load and brighten the spirits of coffee lovers. See, e.g., our post “fill ‘er up” (Nov. 19, 2005), discussing the Harvard Gazette article “Coffee gets cleared of blood pressure risk; ” and the recent story in the Mainichi Daily News, “Caffeine enhances memory-forming brain cells, researchers find” (Aug. 6, 2008).

If your loved ones, or office mates, need more than your word (or even mine) that coffee is safe — and maybe even advantageous — for your health, the New York Times came to your assistance this week big-time, with the article “Sorting Out Coffee’s Contradictions” (by Jane E. Brody, Aug. 5, 2008). The Times notes that coffee is “America’s leading beverage and caffeine its most widely used drug,” and sees us as a “society determined to run hard on as little sleep as possible.” The article then sets up its central issue:

“But as with any product used to excess, consumers often wonder about the health consequences. And researchers readily oblige. Hardly a month goes by without a report that hails coffee, tea or caffeine as healthful or damns them as potential killers.

“Can all these often contradictory reports be right?”

Caffeine Myths Debunked: To counter “misguided information about caffeine and its most common source, coffee,” the NYT article presents the recent, comprehensive findings of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, and those of other research reports follow. See “Caffeine: The Good, the Bad and the Maybe,” Nutrition Action Health Letter, March 2008, Center for Science in the Public Interest (PDF, 2350 Kb). Thus, on a page captioned, What You May Not Need to Worry About, the NAH Letter debunks myths related to coffee and caffeine and Heart Disease, Cancer, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Osteoporosis, Dehydration, PMS, Weight Loss, and Growth.

“Coffee accounts for close to 75% of the caffeine we consumer.”

The NAH Letter’s Caffeine article, as summarized in the New York Times, explains a number of things Caffeine May Be Good For — including Parkinson’s Disease, Gallstones, and Headaches. More important, for our sleep-deprived lawyers and colleagues (who are prone to be cranky and less productive), it describes caffeine’s beneficial effects on Mental Performance, Physical Performance and Mood. For example:

• Mental Performance: Caffeine improves alertness and reaction time in people, whether they are habitual consumers of caffeine or not.

coffee
in a paper cup–
a long way from home

.. by Gary Hotham – breathmarks: haiku to read in the dark

In the sleep-deprived, “It improves almost everything you can measure,” says [Harris Lieberman, a U.S. Army Research psychologist]. “It makes you more alert, it seems like you can perform complex tasks better, and your memory is better.”

• [Note bene] Mood: “It’s no coincidence that people offer guests a cup of coffee.

“After consuming anywhere from 20 mg. to 200 mg. of caffeine, ‘people report increased well-being, happiness, energy, alertness, and sociability,” says caffeine expert Roland Griffiths of the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine.

• Physical Performance: Caffeine helps the body burn fat instead of carbohydrate, and it blunts the perception of pain. Both can boost endurance.

But Note: Caffeine reverses some of the psychological effects of alcohol, but not the physical ones — possibly making inebriated persons even more dangerous to themselves and others, because they think they’re okay.

After years of my primary care doctor telling me that coffee did not count toward my daily water-intake goal, because it is a diuretic, I was pleased to see in the NYT that:

“Hydration. It was long thought that caffeinated beverages were diuretics, but studies reviewed last year found that people who consumed drinks with up to 550 milligrams of caffeine produced no more urine than when drinking fluids free of caffeine. Above 575 milligrams, the drug was a diuretic.

“So even a Starbucks grande, with 330 milligrams of caffeine, will not send you to a bathroom any sooner than if you drank 16 ounces of pure water. Drinks containing usual doses of caffeine are hydrating and, like water, contribute to the body’s daily water needs.”

In addition, those of us with heart-related health anxieties over drinking coffee, can relax according to the Times:

“Contrary to common belief,” concluded cardiologists at the University of California, San Francisco, there is “little evidence that coffee and/or caffeine in typical dosages increases the risk” of heart attack, sudden death or abnormal heart rhythms.

Let me (well, let Ms. Brody of the NYT) summarize for those who have a cranky lawyer or other sleep–deprived curmudgeon in your household or office:

Health Benefits: Probably the most important effects of caffeine are its ability to enhance mood and mental and physical performance. . . . Millions of sleep-deprived Americans depend on caffeine to help them make it through their day and drive safely. The drug improves alertness and reaction time. In the sleep-deprived, it improves memory and the ability to perform complex tasks.

So, don’t lose any sleep over drinking too much coffee during the day (yes, it will keep you up if ingested close to your bedtime). Better living through chemistry was never so tasty or economical than when reaching for a good cup of coffee.

Disclaimer: No amount of coffee or caffeine can help the congenitally grumpy (and you know who you are).

By the Way: Our favorite way to brew up a cup of coffee is using a (manual, non-electric) one-serving Melitta-style drip cone. If you don’t have one, check out Ready Set Joe. As they say at the One Cup Coffee Lovers Weblog, “Good results always seemingly follow if you’re patient, pour your hot water slowly, and then kick back and relax with the coffee.” So, listen up, all you young wastrels still buying $3 lattes, instead of making a much cheaper cup yourself at home or at your desk. And See “Javanomics 101: Today’s Coffee is Tomorrow’s Debt” (WashPost, June 18, 2005), and our blurb discussing the article.

coffee shop . . .
the only empty seat
still warm

… by Randy Brooks – from School’s Out (Press Here, 1999)

Day’s end–
sink faucet dripping
on the coffee dregs

… by Rebecca Lilly, from A New Resonance 2 (2001); orig. pub. Modern Haiku

last night’s bitterness
he adds twice the sugar
to his coffee

fierce wind
street sweeper has
another coffee

… by George Swede – from Almost Unseen (Brooks Books, 2000)

Sunday morning
ants on the rim of my
coffee cup

… by Carolyn Hall – The Heron’s Nest (II:1, Jan. 2000)

farewell dinner–
more hot coffee poured
into what’s left

… by Gary Hotham – Missed Appointment (Lilliput Review, Modest Proposal Chapbooks)

coffee berries
the conversation turns
to another ill friend

.. by Paul m. – called home (Red Moon Press 2006)

talking divorce
he pours his coffee
then mine

…….. by Roberta Beary – The Unworn Necklace (2007)

coffee brewing —
the moon and Orion
light the way

… by Billie Wilson from Haiku Harvest (Spring 2001)

Starbuck’s
a man in cowboy boots
asks for latte

.. by Yu Chang – Upstate Dim Sum (2004/II)

instant coffee
a stirring of leaves
in the courtyard

.. by Andrew Riutta

mom’s genes:
coffee-talk about
arthritis

empty coffee pot
gotta go
gotta go

used book –
someone else’s
coffee stain

July heatwave –
the hardhats grieve
over lukewarm coffee

……………………. by dagosan

. . It’s summer time and parents around the globe keep hearing the same refrain: “I’m bored!” Cranky Prof. Yabut‘s usual reply is “Only boring people get bored,” but he really means “Only boring people stay bored.” If you’d like to have a more constructive response the next time your kids, co-workers, or students complain about being bored, just point them to Tuesday’s New York Times article “You’re Checked Out, but Your Brain Is Tuned In” (New York Times, by Benedict Carey, August 5, 2008). It tells of new conclusions that boredom should be

“recognized as a legitimate human emotion that can be central to learning and creativity.”

The article makes several additional un-boring points:

• Boredom as Spam Filter: When we feel bored, our brain has concluded “there is nothing new or useful it can learn from an environment, a person, an event, a paragraph.” But, “boredom is more than a mere flagging of interest or a precursor to mischief. Some experts say that people tune things out for good reasons, and that over time boredom becomes a tool for sorting information — an increasingly sensitive spam filter.”
• Often Productive and Creative: “In various fields including neuroscience and education, research suggests that falling into a numbed trance allows the brain to recast the outside world in ways that can be productive and creative at least as often as they are disruptive.”

• The 95% Solution: As a constant reaction to one’s environment, boredom seems related to depression, but:

“Boredom as a temporary state . . . is far from a passive neural shrug. Using brain-imaging technology, neuroscientists have found that the brain is highly active when disengaged, consuming only about 5 percent less energy in its resting ‘default state’ than when involved in routine tasks. . .”

Somehow, that slight reduction in brain activity “can make a big difference in terms of time perception. The seconds usually seem to pass more slowly.” Of course, those slower moments don’t produce a meditative calm or bliss. Instead, “They are frustrated, restless moments . . . that demands relief — if not from a catnap or a conversation, then from some mental game.”

A sigh from her
then one from me —
two pages turn

.. by George Swede – Frogpond XX/2

Sad to say, the Times article doesn’t help us figure out how to scratch that boredom itch. We get only a professorial dodge from Dr. Teresa Belton, co-author of the featured study: “When the external and internal conditions are right, boredom offers a person the opportunity for a constructive response.”

NOELs: nod-off episodes per lecture . . . .

Speaking of professors, the classroom experience — from grammar to graduate school — has certainly been the inspiration for a large share of our species’ boredom moments. According to the NYT piece, a Canadian study of doctors attending lectures on dementia “found that in an hour-long lecture attended by about 100 doctors, an average of 16 audience members nodded off. ” The results are, to be honest, rather boring — not exactly a break-through in understanding the dynamics of tuning out:

“The investigators analyzed the presentations themselves and found that a monotonous tone was most strongly associated with ‘nod-off episodes per lecture (NOELs),’ followed by the sight of a tweed jacket on the lecturer.”

When you’re moping around the house and are overwhelmed by the tedium of life, you need to learn to direct your energy into constructive, creative activities — or, to discover the intrinsic meaning of common-place moments. And, if you’re having a serious attack of ennui while part of a captive audience (as in school, church or court, or at a conference or theater), you need to learn techniques for either 1) staying tuned in (in case there’s a test or Judgment later) or 2) appearing engaged and actively listening (out of respect for the speaker or the authority figure who made you attend).

For instance, how do you control the drool-while-napping-reflex or wipe that daydream smile off your face? And, just how much caffeine is needed to overcome a particular professor’s pedantic droning? If all those studies on boredom contain answers, I hope the New York Times will do some follow-up and let us know. Meanwhile, I’m hoping our regular audience — comprised mostly of experienced ex-law students (who somehow survived three very tedious years) and accomplished haiku poets (who live to turn the mundane into insightful moments) will leave helpful suggestions in our Comment box.

By the way, I just learned that the word “ennui” came from a Latin phrase meaning “I hate or dislike,” and which the French turned into a verb meaning “to annoy, bore.” Since those Frenchmen really hate being bored, they’ve probably developed the best antidotes to ennui. French lawyers and haijin are, therefore, particularly urged to add Comments below.

. . . . For relief from boredom now or at a future date, you can always head over to the websites of “Mad” Kane. In a pinch, there’s also the Bored At Work Forum – and its store.

If it’s Opera that puts you to sleep or causes you audience agita, the f/k/a Gang suggests you study Mad Kane’s “Guide for the Opera Impaired,” which just won Recovering Lawyer Kane the First Prize in the 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor Contest.

If like me, you’re already bored with this topic (and your Mama isn’t around to tell you to go outside to play), might I suggest a few topical haiku or senryu?

dozing off–
the soft drone
of mosquito flutter

.. by jim kacian – Chincoteague (Red Moon Press, 2000)

The old wind chimes
in the basement for winter
tinkle from my sigh

as the professor speaks
only his bald spot
is illuminated

.. by George Swede
“the old wind chimes” – The Heron’s Nest
“as the professor speaks” – Almost Unseen

traffic jam
a plastic dog
keeps on nodding

………Yu Chang – Upstate Dim Sum (2002/I)

between layers the stone mason’s nap

.. by w.f. owen – Haiku Notebook (Lulu Press, 2007)

tired of feeding
on the horse
the horsefly naps

misty day–
no doubt Heaven’s saints
bored stiff

under dewy umbrella-hat
nodding off…
the dog barks!

ashamed
napping, hearing
the rice-planting song

……. by Kobayashi Issa, translated by David L. Lanoue
– commentary on “misty day”

four glazed eyes —
their first and last
date

… by dagosan

p.s.  The bored young lady at the head of this posting is my lovely niece Lissa (in a photo taken quite a few years ago).  She turned eleven on August 3rd, and her proud uncle wishes her a wonderful new year.