f/k/a archives . . . real opinions & real haiku

  The entire f/k/a Gang is taking another Mental Health Day off today — probably daydreaming of Sadie Hawkins Days past. Luckily, someone had already keyed in a bunch of new haiku by our Honored Guests, from the newest issue of The Heron’s Nest (Vol. X, No. 1, March 2008). So, please enjoy the work of our haijin hotties, while we nap (and scroll to the end of this post for a surprise visit from a Boomer icon):

icy morning
the twists and turns
of a child-proof cap

…………………. by Alice Frampton – The Heron’s Nest X:1 (March 2008)

Remembrance Day
traffic sounds crisscross
the bagpipes

darkening clouds
I press cold earth
on tulip bulbs

………. by Laryalee Fraser – The Heron’s Nest X:1 (March 2008)

mid-morning
an ice-crack ricochets
across the river

storm clouds —
hearing the pauses
in the katydid’s song

…… by Hilary Tann – The Heron’s Nest X:1 (March 2008)

needles of rain
the talk show guest
addresses my problem

dark comes early now —
we speak of the children
we didn’t have

……….. by carolyn hall – The Heron’s Nest X:1 (March 2008)

When we discovered yesterday that janisian.com had linked to our posting on shark-bitten lawyers, we thought we’d find a new band of loyal supporters, or perhaps a complaining group of two-faced barristers, or even determined heretics, at the other end of of Referer Link. Instead, we were pleasantly surprised to find the still-impishly irreverent, Grammy-winning, singer-songwriter, “Rude Girl,” and folkie-hipster Janis Ian musing (and dreaming) about defamation law, and the benefits of writing about dead people. (News and Updates, March 1, 2008).

It was fun clicking around Janis Ian.com, and inspiring to read about her Pear Foundation, which is named after Janis’ mother and works to create college scholarships for “returning students.” It was a little disconcerting to realize that Janis arrived on the scene as “Society’s Child” over forty years ago, just as I headed off to college and left behind my innocent childhood.

digital age —
aging digits
at the keyboard

……. by dagosan

fire-side poetry –
I turn to warm the left side
of my brain

………………… by Alice Frampton, from Raw NerVZ Haiku Volume VII No. 3

early March
the head of Mary
above the snow

water’s edge
the pull of the river
under ice

….. by Hilary Tann – from Upstate Dim Sum 2007/II

It’s February 29, 2008. What does this “Leap Day” mean to you? For conservationists and amphibian-lovers, it’s the launch date for the Year of the Frog, a reminder that, since 1980, “at least 120 species of frogs, toads, salamanders and other amphibians have gone extinct; as many as half of the 6,000 remaining species may soon vanish unless immediate action is taken. ” (see “Leap Day: Doomesday Vault for Frogs“)

Leap Day —
the space where
a frog was

……………. by laryalee fraser
– borrowed, as amended, from this haiga –

• For loophole-loving lawyers over the centuries, it’s “not a real day and had no status in English law” (Sydney Morning Herald, Feb. 28, 2004) — fertile ground indeed for the creative defense lawyer or crafty draftsman.
• For math and astronomy wonks, it’s an opportunity to explain again ad nauseum that “our solar year is 365.24219 days,” with all the resultant need for intercalary machinations and refinements.

• For the Chamber of Commerce of Anthony, Texas, it’s a chance to attract a crowd of Leap Year Babies (“leapings”) to their “6th Worldwide Leap Year Festival,” at the self-proclaimed Leap Year Capital of the World. [And see, “Local ‘29ers’ celebrate rare leap year birthdays,” Schenectady Daily Gazette, Feb. 29, 2008]

More to the point, for lonely ladies (or their impatient fathers) tired of waiting on that prince or other “fellas-ta-come-a-courtin,” and for their selective-but-traditionalist sisters impatient for Mr. Right to do the asking, “Leap Day is for (unconventional) lovers” — the one day when a woman could with society’s blessing propose to any man of her choosing. (see The Daily Green, Feb. 26, 2008) As the folks at Time & Date.com explain about February 29th:

Tradition, Folklore and Superstition

A tradition was introduced many centuries ago to allow women to propose to men during a leap year. This privilege of proposing was restricted to leap day in some areas. Leap day was sometimes known as “Bachelors’ Day”. A man was expected to pay a penalty, such as a gown or money, if he refused a marriage offer from a woman.

The tradition’s origin stemmed from an old Irish tale referring to St Bridget striking a deal with St Patrick . . .

running
right past me —
ms. sadie hawkins

………. by dagosan

For more particulars, see Wikipedia‘s discussion of Leap Year traditions, and check out Denis Kitchen’s description of Sadie Hawkins’ Day, on which all unmarried women could chase down Dogpatch bachelors and hogtie them into marriage. Although Al Capp always held the Sadie Hawkins Race in early November, in his Li’l Abner comic strip, it is now celebrated on (or confused with) February 29th by many Americans. Al Capp is gone, but unmarried women needing a little incentive, might want to check our the article “Hotels offer Leap Day proposal specials“(The Indy Star, Feb. 10, 2008).

“Be careful, Clara, that’s a fine Specimen.” (Leap Year postcard, 1908)

one gray moth
above the candle –
Leap Day ends

……. by dagosan

leap year day
she goes down
on one knee

………………. by roberta beary

Naturally, the Leap Day tradition is also a boon or slight beacon of hope (and often a disappointment) for bashful bachelors, and those suffering chronically unrequited love (like this one, whose still in search of an Attractive Nuisance co-blogger). Of course, many such single guys have always been just too darn choosey, and I’m sure they’ve been lining up excuses just in case they need to say no to a Leap Day proposal. As noted above, any such rejection is subject to penalties. According to Wikipedia:

“Supposedly, a 1288 law by Queen Margaret of Scotland (then age five and living in Norway), required that fines be levied if a marriage proposal was refused by the man; compensation ranged from a kiss to £1 to a silk gown, in order to soften the blow.”

Let’s hope the fines will not be needed, and Leap Day brings happiness to members of both genders. Our ever-optimistic haikuEsq wrote rather late last night to a number of female haijin, pleading for them to submit a haiku or senryu to share here today in honor of Leap Day. You’ll find poems sprinkled throughout this post from a number of those fair ladies, along with a few plaintive ones by our sadsack dagosan. Many thanks to Alice, Roberta, and Laryalee.

As we receive (or conceive of) more Leap Day Ku, we’ll add them to this posting. Meanwhile, you single folk shouldn’t let Leap Day slip by without letting the (unmarried) object of your affections know your feelings.

together . . .
first light
of the extra day

…………. by alice frampton

the frog
and the lady –
eyeing that mosquito

………. by dagosan

leaping into
the sound of no —
frog prince

………………….. by laryalee fraser

he tells her
he’s already married
…leap year day

………………. by roberta beary

almost March 1st
the Leap Day Bachelor
re-checks his email

…………. by dagosan

afterglow (4 PM):

the short month
a leap day longer–
he says yes

lunch date
I dare him to mention
Sadie Hawkins’ Day

……………………. by peggy willis lyles

aftermath (March 1, 2008):

leap day
the peach tones
of her nakedness

………… by Ed Markowski

March 1st snow —
the old horny toad
wakes alone

…………….. by dagosan

much more than an afterthought (March 3, 2008):

Leap Day –
an old friend
takes off her glasses

……….. by Yu Chang – photo haiga orig. posted at Magnapoets JF (March 2, 2008)

– update (March 3, 2008): Thanks to our friend David Fischer at Antitrust Review for including this posting in Blawg Review #149, which contains an extensive compilation of the best recent antitrust-&-competition-related materials, as well as everything else of merit, to be found in the blawgiverse. We are pleased that our open rivalry with Antitrust Review for top Google ratings relating to “antitrust humor and sexiness” did not prevent David from pointing to our Leap Day presentation. We’re a little concerned, though, that he placed this very serious piece of sociology and advocacy in the category “The Lighter Side”.

. . . As demonstrated on our lawns, and in cartoons, comic strips, and movies, Americans have long imbued their snowmen with the same frailties, foibles and fate as humans.

a little dizzy
after chemo — replacing
the snowman’s head

………………… by dagosan

Through our snowmen, in addition to the shenanigans perpetrated by Calvin & Hobbes, we have depicted:

Our fear of death (which is quite unlike the acceptance of impermanence symbolized by snow buddhas), as demonstrated by

Linus‘ poignant mourning in Peanuts over his melted snowman (which was reprised just this month in the Schenectady Daily Gazette), and the search for immortality depicted in Charles Addams‘

Snowman in Freezer. [See more of his work in a series of holiday cards from from Pomegranate.com.]

snow turns to rain –
our Buddha’s visit
cut short

………………….. by dagosan

Our evil side – as seen

[“Thaw!”] – in the mundane mendacity of John Callahan’s fleeing, frosty bank-robber, who will surely spend a stretch in the cooler, even if defended by Calvin & Hobbes fan, and criminal defense lawyer, Scott Greenfield. (You can find “Thaw!” in the classic Callahan collection, “Do Not Disturb Any Further,” Harper/Quill 1990). [By the way, the cover of Do Not Disturb Any Further has graced my kitchen wall (and an occasional doorknob) for almost two decades.]

sudden blast of wind –
she borrows the snowman’s
hat and gloves

…………………….. by dagosan

“He’s Road Chill” – or, the long-simmering, soul-numbing vengeance evidenced on January 11, 2008, in Crankshaft‘s chilling vehicular (snow)manslaughter scene.

– and, the all-consuming malevolent presence in the upcoming movie Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (via Bob at Today’s Snowman)

Our Towering Tackiness:

Everywhere you look across our land, we are now confronted by the very-American (and sadly, also –British), plague of inflatable snowmen. They loom over our lawns and in our public spaces. As Bob Eckstein, author of ”The History of the Snowman,” told USA Weekend (“5 things you need to know about Snowmen,” Dec. 16, 2007):

“Every 8-foot-high blow-up snowman is a lost opportunity of a God-given gift we all have: artistic expression.”

Boxing Day drizzle –
the inflatable snowman
keeps smiling

…………… by dagosan

Their/Our Obesity

What is, however, particularly worrisome for me, is the fact that Americans have — over the past few decades and ever-increasingly — actually started to make thinner snowpersons, while taking on the most obvious characteristic of their traditional snowmen icons: We’ve turned into a nation of apple- and pear-shaped fatties. Sadly, though, when exposed to a little sun, we seem not to shrink but to expand further, double-scoop ice-cream or sno-cone in hand.

This snobesity affects not just our men, but also our women and children, who’d rather let little motors inflate their snowmen, while packing on pounds that shorten their own breaths and lifespans. (For a very scary consequence, see, “Study: Stroke Risk Triples for Women Ages 35 to 54,” All Things Considered, February 21, 2008, interview of Dr. Amy Towfighi — The risk is now greater for women than men in that age group, with the apparent cause being excess weight, shown by an increase in waist size of more than two inches since a similar study only a decade ago. My earlier concern for Baby-Boomer daddies constructing snowmen must now, therefore, extend to even younger mommies.)

a sparrow chirping
in his lap…
snow Buddha

………. by Kobayashi Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

Denial/Delusion: The USA Weekend article on snowmen (“5 things you need to know,” Dec. 16, 2007) demonstrated another troublesome all-American habit (including, Italo-American, if my female relatives are any indication): the delusional belief that you can somehow work-off snowman-size appetites with exercise. Thus, the article says:

4. Constructing one can be a good workout. Calories burned per hour in building a snowman: 238.

Sorry, friends, but it is really hard to work off the effects of any particular snack or dessert with activity — especially in a world where a single cookie often constitutes a few hundred calories (and a mere 200 extra calories a day will add 20 pounds to your body in a year). That’s true because the activity has to burn more calories than you would have otherwise burned (create a net calorie deficit), in order to counter the effects of a particular splurge.

snack break —
no hot cocoa
for the half-built snowman

…………. by dagosan

Let me give you an example from a recent sordid, eating-disorder episode of my own: About a week ago, despite my frequently deriding the fact that our local convenience chain, Stewart’s Shops, markets its 1200-calorie pints of ice cream as “Spooners” meant to be an individual snack, I brought home not a Spooner but a full, 64-oz. half-gallon container of their Peanut Butter Pandemonium ice cream. And, then, I spent about a half hour eating it all by myself.

Yes, I’m appalled (and a little ashamed), too. For your information, Stewart’s Pandemonium is a lot like Perry’s Light Panda Paws (except it has the full complement of milk fat) — as Stewart’s explains: “This vanilla ice cream is loaded with peanut butter cups, peanut butter and fudge swirls.” I had always assumed that Pandemonium was meant to grab fans of Panda Paws, but Stewart’s originally called it Peter Butter Pan, when introduced in December 2005, in conjunction with the road-show production of “Peter Pan” at Proctor’s, Schenectady’s wonderful refurbished theater. But, I indeed digress.

A half-gallon of Peanut Butter Pandemonium contains 16 so-called “individual servings” of ice cream, at 210 calories per serving, for a total of 3360 calories. If I wanted to counteract that many calories, I’d have to do a lot of snowman-making. The 238-calories per hour suggested in USA Weekend comes to 14 hours of snowmen creation. That number is daunting enough but, as indicated above, we really need to count net or additional calories burned.

As “Calories Burned During activity and exercise,” from the Community Health department of Tooele County, Utah, reminds us: “Everything you do burns calories from sleeping to breathing to flipping on a light switch.” Just sleeping burns 60 calories an hour for the average person; watching TV burns 75, and an hour of “mall-type shopping” burns 110 calories. Indeed, although an hour of vigorously playing squash uses 650 calories, just “Impatiently (nervously) standing in line (body twitching, stamping feet)” burns – 140 per hour.

“Brain Work; study, desk job, accounting, computer work, heavy concentrating, some moving around” – burns 110 calories per hour.

For numbers that correspond with your size, see “Calories Burned During Exercise,” from NutriStrategy, which gives information for persons weighing 130, 155 and 190 pounds, and indicates that a 190-pounder burns about 50% more than 130-pounder. A 155-pounder like myself burns 211 calories in an hour of cooking/food preparation.

Therefore, if I’m going to work off that half-gallon of Pandemonium, the above numbers and analysis suggest that I’m going to need to substitute 27 hours of snowman-making for a similar amount of time that I would have spent here at my computer working on this weblog. Of course, if Mama G. or a pretty neighbor offers me a cup of hot cocoa to warm up my freezing old body, I’ll need to add another hour sculpting Frosty.

Yep, this three-part series on Snowmen (which started here, and then went there) has just about worn me out. As I sit here, Schenectady and most of eastern New York State is getting a wonderful new blanket of snow. If I’m lucky, my neighbors will treat me to a party-full of new snowmen in the morning, and I’ll get to adopt one or two to keep in hats, and eyes and noses, as February wanes. May you create or espy, and totally enjoy, a few of your own.

he’s holding one
snowball…
the Buddha

……………… by Kobayashi Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

first snow…
the children’s hangers
clatter in the closet

……………… by Michael Dylan Welch – from The Open Window (click for orig. photo-poem)

p.s. Wallace Stevens is the most famous poet-lawyer. But, I have to admit: his poem The Snow Man is way over my head and underscores my preference for really short poems.

“The History of the Snowman” (2007; cover detail)

My promise (in Part I) to continue the snowman concept this weekend here at f/k/a, is smacking up uncomfortably with my general promise to stop spending so much time working online and on weblogs. Like some of our chronic little wintry-mix storms this winter, I think I’ll slip in a quickie posting now, messing up my personal traffic flow, and threaten to come back later this evening after everyone is safe on their sofa or futon of choice (perhaps with the Oscar ceremony on as background noise; click here for Part III).

warm spell —
their Christmas puppy laps up
our snow buddha

……. by dagosan

Since I posted on Friday evening, I made the “mistake” of discovering the recently-released book called “The History of the Snowman: From the Ice Age to the Flea Market,” by Bob Eckstein (Simon & Schuster, 2007); along with its official website, the Today’s Snowman weblog; and the enjoyable chapter-by-chapter pictorial YouTube Preview of the book. That cover detail at the top of the post should be excuse enough for the resulting expansion of my Snowman Evolution theme. If you’re at all intrigued by these primitive, frosty folk-statuary, Eckstein’s book and website offer much information (often witty) and distraction for a wintry day (and probably also for a summer day while slurping a snow-cone). In addition to some great photos of snow-person art (for example):

– Swiss Alp Couple, see larger at Today’s Snowman.

and the ability to vote on your favorite snowman in a (sometimes raucously rivalrous and mud-slinging) monthly contest, you’ll find Sidebar features such as Ask the Snowman Expert. To my amazement, I had to go to Today’s Snowman to discover The Great Rotterdam Snowman, which exists in all its glory only a few miles away from me as I type, in the Schenectady suburb of Rotterdam, is purportedly built by a lawyer (identity unknown as yet to me; update: it’s Jeff Older, who apparently is not a lawyer, but does work with an Albany law firm), and 12 feet tall (if not 14):

The Great Rotterdam [NY] Snowman, via Today’s Snowman weblog

update (March 5, 2008):  The Great Rotterdam Snowman won the February 2008 Snowman Contest at Today’s Snowman; see our report  and analysis. An article in the Schenectady Gazette helped boost GRS to victory.

Perhaps more amazing for this lover of snowpersons and resident of the Schenectady Historic Stockade District, the site of the 1690 Schenectady Massacre, I was not aware of the role played by snowmen in that pivotal piece of local history, until referred to it by Today’s Snowman. The Schenectady Massacre was an attack against the tiny village of Schenectady, in the Dutch colony of New York on February 8, 1690. It was carried out by a party of over 200 French and Sault and Algonquin Indian raiders. As explained at Wikipedia:

“Late on February 8, when a scouting party reported that no one was guarding the stockade at Schenectady, a decision was made to attack at once, despite the bitter cold. The original target was Fort Orange (present day Albany), but when Schenectady was discovered to be defenseless the raiding party decided to attack here instead.

“The local legend is that Schenectady and Albany had somewhat of a rivalry. Albany tended to gloat about its size over the smaller settlement of Schenectady. Therefore, when Albany sent a warning to the settlement about an approaching raiding party, Schenectady decided to show it wouldn’t be fooled by their ‘fake’ words of warning. Schenectady’s children built a snowman as the guard, which greeted the French and Algonquin raiding party the night of February 8th.”

[larger] Eckstein displays a fine sketch of the feckless SnowGuards in a posting at his site, and retells the tale in Chapter 12 of The History of the Snowman (pp. 110 – 112). In the book, author Eckstein asks”Was the first snowman in America made in Schenectady, New York, on the eve of one of the bloodiest days in early American history?” He concludes: “We may never know whether this was the first American snowman, but the Schenectady Snowman is definitely the earliest reference to one.”

update (Nov. 29, 2008): I just declared Schenectady “SnowmanCity, NY“, since Bob is coming to make a presentation at our Library and a Book Signing at the Open Door Bookstore, on Sunday, December 7, 2008.

a neighborhood
with no front yards –
not a snowman in sight

………. by dagosan

The story of the snowman and the Massacre that occurred down the block makes my plaintive poem above seem even sadder than when I wrote it two years ago. But, it gives me a great excuse for finally thanking Owen McLaughlin and Jennifer Murray for building this Snow Dude right outside my window, at the corner of Cucumber Alley and Washington Avenue, last year (see Stockade Spy, April 2007):

Rare sighting: a Stockade Snowman

Owen and Jennifer made their snowman especially magical by changing his hat and glasses frequently during his short stay. I do not know who built another rare Stockade snowperson down the block in January 2008, but I was entranced by a lovely model of the Statue of Liberty, and saddened that her predictably short life was shortened considerably by a dreadful spell of 50-degree weather last month.

January thaw
Snow Liberty leaves
a salad in the mud

…… by dagosan (haiga photo by Mama G, 1953)

sunrise —
nothing on the snowman
stops the drip

……. by Gary Hotham

Easter rain
you can tell
it was a snowman

……………….. by John Stevenson – Pilgrimage, 2006

Enough for now. I must salvage some daylight and perhaps scout for more snowmen. First, though I want to thank those who organized yesterday’s Winter Festival in Schenectady’s Central Park (see the Sunday Gazette, Feb. 24, 2008). I must say, however, that I was disappointed to find neither a Snow Bocce event (despite our example), nor a snowman-making contest or exhibit, despite a few inches of packable snow on Friday.

Try back late this evening (or, maybe tomorrow) for a little more snowman musing. [It took a couple days, but the last of this series, Part III, went up on Feb. 26, 2008; called “snobesity,” it depicts how “Americans have long imbued their snowmen with the same frailties, foibles and fate as human” — including our broadening butts.]

after snowfall
a Buddha on the lawn
with coal eyes

……………. by Jim Kacian- from Presents of Mind

free, rare & pretty darn cool! 

It’s not just another internet rumor. At the popular Concurring Opinions weblog, Prof. Daniel J. Solove just proclaimed a phenomenon as rare and as welcome as a total lunar eclipse: His recently-published, timely and critically-acclaimed book The Future of Reputation: Gossip, Rumor, and Privacy on the Internet (2007) is now available for free download. (see our review from Nov. 8, 2007) They’ve even provided Questions for Discussion for academic classes or book-reading groups.

As Daniel explains:

Of course, I’d love it if you bought a copy, but if I can’t convince you to buy it, then I hope you’ll at least read it for free online.

I think that it is great that Yale University Press is allowing me to do this. I hope more publishers decide to let their authors do this in the future — especially academic presses, whose mission is not just to make a profit but to help spread ideas.

The book is licensed under a Creative Commons license — it can be used for non-commercial uses.

first glass of wine
Google keeps asking
“Did you mean . . . . ?”

…………………………………. by dagosan

We may have no control over celestial events, but the free-viewing of important academic books is within the control of publishers and authors, and I hope Solove’s example is widely-followed. Thanks to Dan Solove for choosing access over potential profits.

audaciously
he critiques
the eclipse

……………… by Kobayashi Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

[larger image, by Lloyd Overcash]

Meanwhile, also at Concurring Opinions, Prof. Devan Desai reminds us today that there will be a total eclipse of the moon this evening — between 10 and 11 PM, EST.

See: NASA Eclipse Home Page for details about tonight and lunar eclipses in general. And check out Mr. Eclipse.com, for a guide to photographing eclipses by Fred Espenak.

lunar eclipse
i fall for
the hidden ball trick

…………………. by ed markowski – tinywords (Aug. 29, 2007)

You may recall that the f/k/a Gang was inspired by the last full lunar eclipse, in October 2004, which coincided with the then-rare World Series appearance of the Boston Red Sox. We hope to practice taking some digital photos tonight — if the clouds and wind-chill cooperate. And might produce a new one-breath poem or two, under the influence of a breath-taking lunar event. Let us know your eclipse experiences tonight.

Blood Moon
so orange!
tawny, she corrects

…………………. by dagosan

We are still avoiding new lawyer-themed punditry here at f/k/a. But, this is Presidents’ Day, and our admiration for that lanky lawyer from Illinois, Abraham Lincoln, makes the Gang want to remind you of prior posting we’ve done about him and his attitudes toward lawyering, litigation, life, etc. So please take a look at:

• “A Lincolnesque law practice?” (Feb. 12, 2004);
• “Lawyer Lincoln was a Bargain” (Feb. 19, 2004);
• “ATLA, Lincoln and Tort Reform” (September 9, 2004)

the great lord
forced off his horse…
cherry blossoms

. . ………. by Kobyashi Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

• “Lincoln’s message to lawyers and litigators” (at shlep, Feb. 12, 2007);

• “learning from Abe’s thick skin” (Feb. 20, 2005) —

If you’re looking for new content here at f/k/a, how about some Sports senryu by a pair of our Honored Guest Poets, from this newest issue of Simply Haiku (Vol. 6 no. 1, Spring 2008):

AM radio dial —
lights up with the roar
of a ball game

on seventeen he
hits the sand he hits the sand
he hits he hits hits….

………………… by Barry George
“on seventeen” from Modern Haiku 36:3

last second field goal…
for the fifth straight week
my bookie wins

up from Pawtucket
his error in slow-mo
on the centerfield scoreboard

after confession
father shows us
how to throw a spitter

…………………… by Ed Markowski