f/k/a archives . . . real opinions & real haiku

Before 2006 gets much older, I want to look back at f/k/a‘s 2005 highlights

(if only to figure out why those Blawg Review guys gave us the “Creative Law Blog“

award).  However, our peridementia problem makes detailed recollection difficult

and — far worse — having a weblog webserver that hardly ever grants me acces

makes a thorough review impossible. 

 

                                                                                                         “OLd&NewYearS”

 

Never fear, though, one thing we learned in 2005:  When at a loss for something

to post, go to our StatCounter Keyword Activity page to see which searches

brought us visitors this week (even if inadvertently).  So, here’s a hastily-made

retrospective of f/k/a in 2005, seen through the slightly murky lens of Google

and Yahoo! search engines:

 

 

  wanita young cookies>  One visitor got here yesterday through our 4th

place finish in this Google search.   It was only eleven months ago when the nation

was in an uproar, canonizing two Durango, Colorado, teenage cookie heroines and

condemning their victim, Wanita Young, for taking them to court.  This query reminded

me that f/k/a was the first weblog to attempt to bring some common sense and balance

to the story.  Re-reading our post cookie curmudgeon (Feb. 5, 2005), I wouldn’t change

a word (except perhaps to chastise more strongly the web morons who wrote they

hoped Wanita would die).  Indeed, I’ll repeat two rather thoughtful passages that

have broader application:

  The entire Cookie Caper would make a great lesson for parents

to teach their children  —  (1) do random acts of kindness, but (2) think

through how to do them so that the recipients will be pleasantly surprised.

 

Suggesting that this episode means no one should act kindly toward

neighbors or strangers, or that doing so in a thought-full, thought-through 

manner raises unacceptable risks of being sued, is simply asinine.  Almost

any case can be made to sound like a miscarriage of justice, or a symbol

of what’s wrong with our society or legal system, if you leave out enough

facts.   I have little hope for the main-stream media, but I wish my weblawg

colleagues would try a little harder to present cases in a fair manner. 

 

 

young widow

asks for another

fortune cookie

 

     George Swede 

      from Almost Unseen

 

 

estate auction–

can’t get my hand back out

of the cookie jar

 

  Randy Brooks 

         from School’s Out

 

 

 

empty cookie tin –.

the hermit

heads to bed

 

    dagosan

   

 

 

scarecrows standing–
a house without rice cakes
can’t be found

 

 

 Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

 

 

attorney conduct>  We only showed up at #10 in this rather open-ended

Google Search, which brought a visitor to e-shaming and lawyer conduct.

But, that post, from March 7, 2005, started an interesting discussion.  We

asked: “Does online infamy, or the fear of it, cause lawyers to improve their

conduct?  Can it spur rehabilitation and deter unprofessional performance?”  

We showed that a lawyer in the news, or just in the blogisphere, for question-

able conduct or judgment would find those stories at the top of any Google

searches for her or his name.  It sure made me want to behave.

 

– click here for 15 Issa haiku on shame, including –

 

 

 

filled with shame
flat to the ground…
the thief cat

 

 

the lover cat
with a shameless face
has returned

 

 

 

ashamed
napping, hearing
the rice-planting song

 

 Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

 

 

alito finito Italian> Our post finito con “scalito” — it’s a silly sobriquet 

(Nov. 3, 2005) was the first result in this Google search.  Wearing our

Italian heritage proudly, we opined that the nickname “Scalito” “is suf-

ficiently immature, misleading and insulting (to both ends of the portman-

teau — Scalia and Alito), to be inappropriate in a serious public debate.”  

We did not believe, however, that “Scaltio”was some grave insult to Italian-

Americans.  Instead, among other rather wise (not wiseguy) thoughts, we

noted:

The immediate charges of anti-Italian bias by the National Italian

American Foundation (NIAL) and racism by unnamed Republican

operatives, followed by defensive speculations on the left about the

intentions of the complainants, suggest that raising the American

Emotional Quotient (and especially that of the media, the Web, and

“defamation professionals”) should be an important national priority.  

 

Whether hired, self-annointed or otherwise chosen, those who see their

jobs as protecting and defending the “reputation” of any group, far too

often adopt a lowest-common-threshold of offense, and an ultra-sensitive

ear for insult. 

empty bottle

a few words

I would like to take back

             John Stevenson from Quiet Enough

 

 

 

 

 

greatgrandpa’s

bocce balls —

three generations choose sides 

 

       dagosan

 

 

tripping over dogs with dementia> and dementia and dog tripping> The

first result for both of these Google queries was from May 2005 post titled

peridementia and our aging knowledge workers.  The post worries about

the abundance of Baby Boomer brainos that occur already each day, and

ponders what that means for our position in the work force.  The Google

search found the peridementia post, because it appeared at a time when

the following haiku by Issa was in our Sidebar: 

 

 

tripping over the dog

again …

night of winter rain

 

  Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

 

Happily, there was another result nearby that actually dealt with the problem. 

It’s comforting to think that Issa was having similar difficulties two centures

ago.

 

early Alzheimer’s

she says she’ll have . . .

the usual

 

  John Stevenson from Quiet Enough 

 

 

 

 

sexy threesome postures> The #1 result out of 10,700 in this Google inquiry

was our halloween tricks: pols vs. sex offenders (which probably disappointed

the searcher.  You probably don’t need to be reminded that sex-offender-scape-

goating is still on the mind of our politicians, what with all the New Year “State

of the” speeches given at every level of government.  Oh, yes, our children are

going to be so much safer now.

 

In the post, we said:

The scariest sights I’ve seen so far this trick-or-treat season are 

the stern faces and contorted postures of politicians, masquerading

as super-heroes in the fight to protect our children against a horde

of halloween sex offenders.  As the New York Times described

earlier this week (“Sex Offenders See New Limits for Halloween,”

Oct. 26, 2005):

 

“witchbrewS”

 

 

 

halloween

i only tell the priest

so much

 

   ed markowski

 

 

 

battery weakened

the low, slow laughter

of a demon

 

     John Stevenson 

          from Some of the Silence   

 

                                                                                                  

nysba + lawyer advertising> Our December post, nysba disses lawyer advertising,  

was 3rd, and our May post, born there — MCBA ad guidelines, was 4th in this Google

search.  It’s a good reminder that the lawyer’s right to advertise and the consumer’s

right to receive lawyer advertising are under attack by the profession’s Dignity Police,

who also — in our humble opinion — don’t like undue competition and seem to believe

that consumers are dunces.

update (11 AM): Again this morning, our coverage of Pape & Chandler‘s

fight to use its Pit Bull Logo and 800 Number was near the top of a

Google Search for pit bull bites>.  f/k/a has been the leading source

for breaking news on this topic for the past year, with coverage going

from the very serious to the somewhat less-serious.

 

  lawyer standard contingency fee>  An 1998 article by Your Editor was #1,

and the f/k/a April Fool’s Day post — announcing the condemnation of the standard con-

tingency fee by an organization called ATLA — was #2 in this Google query.  Sadly, #3

was a post ethicalEsq did on this same topic, from the first week of the existence of this

weblog.  Despite the real ATLA giving lip-service to adjusting contingency fees to the

risk taken by the lawyer in each case, we’ve seen no evidence of any improvement

since ethicalEsq started his campaign.  Most p/i lawyers still proffer only the local

Standard Contingency Fee rate to their clients, no matter how easy or lucrative the

case.  We were even arguing about it yesterday — and we promise to keep up the

discussion for as long as this weblog exists.

Showing up near the top of a Google search

for judge Loretta Preska> today did, however, give us a

small smile of gratitude. See clone that judge, where Judge

Preska got a tip of the hat for trimming the plaintiff lawyers’

fee request in the Bristol-Myers Squibb Securities Litigation,

and thereby helped clarify for other judges — and maybe

even for plaintiffs’ lawyers — the factors that need to be con-

sidered when counsel want to be paid a percentage of their

clients’ winnings. [how much risk, how much work, how much

expertise]

 

 

north carolina lawyer shortage>  The first result out of 1.5 million in this Google

query was our post Law School Deprivation Syndrome in NC  — which begins:

My eyes filled with tears, as I learned the plight of the Tar Heel state
— too few lawyers, due to having too few law schools, resulting in a
severe case of Law School Deprivation Syndrome [“LSD”]  for
North Carolinians.

Once you read about LSD, I’m sure you’ll be pulling for the success of Elon
University Law School, which opens its doors in autumn 2006, in Greens-
boro, NC, and promises that all students will have “executive coaches,” who —
according to Dean Leary Davis — “will help students battle against ‘dark side
traits’,” like lack of discipline, procrastination and perfectionism.  Any skeptics
should heed the warning of Drexel Law School’s Carl Oxholm, who points out
that “The Baby Boomers are getting old,” and “The legal problems they’re going
to have are going to be astounding.”” (see Inside Higher Ed, Nov. 3, 2005)

 

                                                                                               

 

lawyer nicknames> #1 and #2, of over 300,000 Google results, in this search
was our post SCotching lawyer nicknames, where we explained: 

Florida’s lawyer-advertising police can finally point to a state with
even sillier rules than their own — South Carolina.   Thanks to some
asinine legislative over-reaching by “tort reformers,” it is now unlawful
for a lawyer to advertise with “a nickname that creates an unreasonable
expectation of results.” 

After additional astute commentary, we offered some practical advice,

should the silly nickname ban be upheld in Court:

I suggest that South Carolina lawyers consider officially changing
their given or middle names — perhaps to Champion, Rock, Vindicator,
or the ever-popular Hammer.  And, please plan ahead: give your children
names they can grow into that inspire confidence in the gullible.  Native
Americans — or their admirers — could probably come up with some very
evocative and effective names (“She Who Takes Many Scalps,” “He Who
Always Gets One-Third”).  Do you think “Sue” is allowed? 

 

 

As you may know, f/k/a did not win the Best Eclectic Law Blog Award

from Blawg Review — that honor went to Prof. Steve Bainbridge.  But,

we nonetheless covered a lot of ground in 2005 outside of the legal

field [and in addition to our daily presentation of haiku and senryu] —

as was demonstrated this week on our Keyword Activity Page. 

For example:

 

gumba meaning Italian> The #1 result in this Google search was our

piece agita & attention deficit disorder (Oct. 28, 2005), which went from

who’s being mean to Harriet Miers, to the significance of lying under oath

(in re Scooter Libby), to stopping medications based on a lawyer’s tv

ads, and then to the definition and etymology of “agita,” which we helped 

explain by presenting the lyrics from the Broadway Danny Rose song of

the same name  (by Nick Apollo Forte). The line “My gumba in the banzone”

appears throughout the song.  Gumba, the Sicilian expression for the 

Italian word “compare,” means a very close family friend (such as the 

godfather of your children).   

 

 

                                                                                     

 

lawyer hair> We registered the #6 result (out of 5.4 million) in the Google 

search for this interesting phrase.  Google pointed to our hair-brained priorities 

— a much broader discussion of the dramas caused by Bad Hair Days, and

their impact on each gender.  The piece includes an admission by the

Editor that “some of my very worse bad hair days happened while I was an

antitrust lawyer.”   

 

 

           late day showers…

                   my hair gel

                      reactivates

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                       winter pines…

                             the ski instructor’s

                                  spiked hair

 

 

 

             ed markowski 

 

 

soup slurping complaints>  The #1 and 2 of 9280 Google results was our

treatment of menudo soup in cuatro de mayo – soups and sticks, which was

followed by the Issa haiku below.  Don’t give up on Google, though: the #3

result was a post from pho-king weblog complaining about loud soup slurping

— to wit, Vietnamese Pho.

 

 

 

 

his dusty cookbooks

soup can

in the sink

     

             dagonsan

  

 

plum blossom scent–

slurping it in
with the vegetable soup

 Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

 

 

                                     “toiletPaperF”

woman farting on blind date> #4 of 216, 000 results in this Google query

was a Google blind date, which is actually an astute discussion of the

amazing communication and networking tools that weblogs have become

thanks to search engines and internet access.   The post had mentioned

our #2 position in a Google Search on

thanks to a poem by Master Issa.

the farting contest

begins again —

winter seclusion

 

   Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

 

If you are really a male adolescent at heart, plus a haiku lover,

click here for 20 Issa poems that deal with farting.  A sample:

 

 

going outside the fence
to fart…
a cold night

 

 

 

the fart contest
begins at once…
winter quilt

 

 

 

 

not incense
not a fart…
the year ends

 

Issa, translated by David G. Lanoue

 

 

  Frankly, we did a lot of other interesting things here at f/k/a

in 2005, which we have neither the memory nor the energy to recall right now 

(plus, we explained the difference between gerunds and participles, with

examples!).  You can indirectly discover many more on our Inadvertent Searchee

page.  And, it goes with out saying, that you can find the heart of this weblog

by checking out the links to our Honored Guest Poets.

 

                                                                                                            “NoYabutsSN”