![](\"http:\/\/cyber.law.harvard.edu\/blogs\/static\/dowbrigade\/skinaked.jpg\")
This
\n ersatz network media event they are calling the Winter Olympics is really
\n starting to chap our ass. The whole thing leaves a nasty taste in our
\n mouth, as it seems to have been trumped up merely to get more mileage
\n out of the worldwide branding potential of a single word – "Olympics".<\/p>\n
We all know the inspirational story of how an aristocratic French poof
\n named Pierre Fredy resurrected the concept of an athletic meeting of
\n nations in 1896. But the story is
\n much older
\n and
\n iconic than that – who hasn’t heard the stories of the original Ancient
\n Olympic Games, started in 776 BC near the historical Mt. Olympus, with
\n their naked homoerotic wrestlers, Bacchanalian feasts and ritual Temple
\n ‘Ho’s. Further, on yet another level even deeper in the collective subconscious
\n and the mists of time is the story of the mythical Olympus, home to Zeus,
\n Triton, Uranus and Dionysus.<\/p>\n
With so many levels of meaning and resonance, combined with the success
\n of the Modern Summer Olympic Games, is it any wonder that in 1924 a bunch
\n of European aristocratically cloned the franchise and held the first
\n Winter Games in Chamonix, France.<\/p>\n
We remember watching the winter games as a kid. Growing up in the snow
\n belt girdling the Great Lakes, we could relate to the sledding events
\n as the major league equivalent of what we ran out to do on Suicide
\n Hillside on
\n nearby
\n Cobb’s Hill
\n every time we got more than an inch or two of snow, which was practically
\n every other day for four months.<\/p>\n
And the large hill ski jumping on the little TV screen looked like the
\n closest a human being could get to flying, and we all watched fascinated,
\n imagining
\n it
\n was
\n us soaring through the air, and waiting for the inevitable, excruciating
\n crash.<\/p>\n
But what these originally borderline Winter Games have morphed into
\n is something a thousand times worse. Our complaints fall into two
\n categories: first, many of the "sports" are clearly not sports by any
\n rational definition
\n of the word, and second, the makeup and presentation of the latest generation
\n of made up sports, currently being force fed to the worldwide TV audience
\n in a misbegotten attempt to pump up their ratings in the key youth demographic.<\/p>\n
As to which sports are worthy of the name, and which not, lets take
\n them one at a time. We start from the firm conviction that Sports are
\n like
\n Science:
\n they
\n must be objective, quantifiable, and replicable over time and across
\n the globe. That is, the human being who can get from Point A to Point
\n B,
\n these two points being 100 meters apart, in the shortest elapsed time,
\n can be quantified. We can say who is the fastest person on the planet,
\n between A and B, be they in Stockholm or Nigeria or Kingston. There are
\n no style points in the 100 meter dash.<\/p>\n
In alphabetical order:<\/p>\n
Alpine skiing<\/strong> – Clearly a sport. The classic three Bobsled, luge and skeleton<\/strong> – Great, gripping, true Cross country and Biathalon<\/strong> – also among our favorites Curling<\/strong> – now we get into the first gray area. Unlike Figure Skating<\/strong> – not only is figure skating NOT a true Freestyle skiing<\/strong> – See above. Is there no difference Ice Hockey <\/strong>– One of the original Big 4 professional Ski Jumping<\/strong> – Still the closest a human being can get to flying, without Snowboarding<\/strong> – Once again, tricks and style trump going Speed Skating<\/strong> – We don’t care if the track is short or long, speed skating Finally, we are finding it really objectionable the way the new "youth-oriented" It is embarrassingly clear that the TV networks are playing up these Not that there is anything wrong with boarding or mogul skiing. They Personally, the Dowbrigade is a traditionalist, and would like to see Those Olympics just aren’t what they used to be….<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This ersatz network media event they are calling the Winter Olympics is really starting to chap our ass. The whole thing leaves a nasty taste in our mouth, as it seems to have been trumped up merely to get more … Continue reading
\n disciplines of Slalom, Grand Slalom and Downhill offer a spine-tingling
\n combination of speed,
\n skill and guts. The cool thing about world-class skiing was that to
\n win you had to be right on that edge between control and out-of-control.
\n No question as to who wins – fastest skier down the hill grabs the gold.<\/p>\n
\n sports which combine speed and skill with equipment and technology. There
\n is something very appealing about sports which require small mechanical
\n implements,
\n which evolve over time and can give one or another athlete that winning
\n edge.<\/p>\n
\n and clearly real sports. Sure Biathalon is the bastard child of cross-country
\n skiing and
\n shooting, but there’s
\n no rule that a bastard can’t be an authentic Olympic sport, especially if both of its parent qualify. As a participant sport, cross-country
\n always seemed to lose the energy-in, adrenaline-out comparison with its
\n downhill cousin. As to shooting, well the Dowbrigade DOES have a Varsity
\n Letter for his participation on the Harvard Rifle Team, but we’ve never
\n tried to shoot on skis.<\/p>\n
\n most Americans, we grew up around curling, learned it at the knees of
\n a French-Canadian
\n nanny.
\n It is objective, the rules are clear, if obscure, and there is a clear
\n winner in every match. Curling, however, has more in common with chess
\n or billiards,
\n both of which it resembles in the importance of positional play, than
\n traditional contact or speed sports. Borderline sport.<\/p>\n
\n sport, like female gymnastics it skates on dangerously thin ice between
\n child abuse and kiddie porn.
\n Driven, doped sacrificial virgins have been featured players in popular
\n and ritual entertainment since even before the Ancient Olympics, but
\n that doesn’t make them real sports. At best, this can be considered a
\n performance art, like ballet or cheerleading, but there
\n is no way something with Judges awarding style points should be considered
\n a competitive sport. At worst, most of the adult participants should
\n be arrested and charged with sex crimes.<\/p>\n
\n anymore between the Olympics and the X-games? Deserves to be an Olympic
\n sport about as much as Ballroom
\n Dancing.or Ice Sculpture.<\/p>\n
\n sports, and a joy to watch. To us, the Olympic variety is much
\n more entertaining than the NHL. Professional athletes these days
\n are mercenaries – they rarely care about the name on the front of the
\n shirt. The
\n exception is when that shirt belongs to their national team – even jaded
\n millionaires can still feel the stirring of patriotism when given sufficient
\n prompting. A real sport.<\/p>\n
\n a motor or drugs. Judging is easy – all you need is a loooong tape measure.
\n A real sport.<\/p>\n
\n faster, jumping higher, and scoring more goals. If snowboarding is an
\n Olympic sport, how about
\n its inspiration, skateboarding? How about Pogo Stick jumping? Bungie
\n jumping? <\/p>\n
\n is a real sport. It doesn’t matter what you wear, whether you flirt
\n with the audience, or what your hair looks like, as long as you get to
\n the finish line first. Plus, there is is a lot of pushing, elbowing
\n and disqualifications between here and there. Definitely a real sport.<\/p>\n
\n sports are being sold to the public. Freestyle skiing, the half-pipe,
\n and snowboarding are being promoted as some kind of de-gangsterized,
\n hip hop break dancing. From iPod buds dangling from $500 haircuts to
\n stories of personal struggles with zits and supportive parents, this
\n whole movement
\n is a travesty of what a real sport should be. .<\/p>\n
\n sports in a desperate attempt to find a few fresh new faces to use as
\n fodder for the
\n insatiable pages of People magazine, and as human vehicles to sell
\n whatever for a few new product cycles, before being forgotten, abandoned
\n and discarded to the trash bin of Olympians past.<\/p>\n
\n are a lot of fun, and as we all know, kids just want to have fun. But
\n there is no reason to name a World Champion in having fun. In fact,
\n we all like to think we have a shot at that one, despite our age, decrepitude
\n or lack of athletic ability.<\/p>\n
\n the Olympics return to their authentic origins. Naked, sweaty guys,
\n bathed in oil and eager to rip one another limb from limb, all competitions
\n to be followed by wild Dionysian revelry with exotic temple prostitutes
\n and heaps of ceremonial intoxicants.<\/p>\n