![](\"http:\/\/cyber.law.harvard.edu\/blogs\/static\/dowbrigade\/mdscience.jpg\")
NEW
\n YORK – The Dowbrigade has learned, from his confidential but strategically
\n placed sources, that the current unprecedented cold,
\n rainy weather affecting the Boston area may not be an entirely natural
\n phenomena.\n <\/p>\n
Reports out of the CDD The individual in question has not been officially named Farquand, described by MIT officials as "One of According to Filbert Cunningham, who described himself Friends and acquaintances date the separation as the After repeated attempts to convince his ex to return It is unknown how Farquand is managing to affect the Meanwhile, military sources report that Farquand is The object of his unnatural desires, a 24-year-old from "That man crazier than a vampire bat on crack NEW YORK – The Dowbrigade has learned, from his confidential but strategically placed sources, that the current unprecedented cold, rainy weather affecting the Boston area may not be an entirely natural phenomena. Reports out of the CDD National Emergency Preparedness … Continue reading
\n National Emergency Preparedness Center<\/a> in Washington, and
\n confirmed by a a highly placed official in the National
\n Weather Service<\/a> on condition of anonymity, suggest that a lovelorn
\n physicist, long-time resident of Cambridge, may be affecting the weather
\n in an attempt to get back at the woman who left him for her Pilates instructor.<\/p>\n
\n as a suspect in the bad weather, but is rather being referred to as "a
\n person of interest." According to sources at MIT, <\/a>where
\n he is believed to have graduated from, he has been identified as Percy
\n Farquand. His current whereabouts are unknown.<\/p>\n
\n the most brilliant undergraduates we have had on campus in 50 years," graduated
\n in the late 1990’s with a double major on meteorology and geomagnetism
\n and immediately went to work for the US Government, first with NASA and
\n then the top-secret NIA.<\/p>\n
\n as "a close personal friend of Percy, before he went off the deep
\n end,"
\n Farquand’s long-time girlfriend, an exotic dancer from Danvers, accompanied
\n him to Houston, and later to an "undisclosed location" near
\n a classified military base, but she eventually grew bored, and frustrated
\n by the separation
\n from her friends. Eventually, she left Farquand and moved back
\n to Boston.<\/p>\n
\n point at which the brilliant young researcher became dangerously estranged
\n from reality.
\n "He would call at all hours of the day and night," according
\n to the young woman’s roommate. At first he was polite, but then he
\n started threatening to do things I didn’t understand. He was talkin’
\n crazy, but all scientific-like."<\/p>\n
\n to his side, Farquand began threatening not only the woman and her family,
\n but the entire city of Boston and the New England region. "You’re
\n going to be sorry, it’s all your fault, you don’t know who you are dealing
\n with here," he reportedly ranted, "I can PUT OUT THE SUN. I
\n can CANCEL SUMMER!"<\/p>\n
\n weather on such a massive scale, but his last known research was dealing
\n with using Super-Magnets to create localized anomalies in the Earth’s
\n magnetic
\n field.<\/p>\n
\n AWOL from his latest security-related research position in a classified
\n army base. Rumors have placed him everywhere from Goa to Sri Lanka to
\n Paraguay.<\/p>\n
\n Easter Island, has been "sequestered" by authorities hoping
\n to convince Farquand to ease up on the Northeast. She has reportedly
\n agreed to relocate outside of New England, but refuses to apologize
\n or return
\n to the "mad
\n scientist".<\/p>\n
\n cocaine. No way am I going back to that pathetic geek." In addition,
\n she is supposedly demanding a sizable "re-settlement" payment
\n from the federal government, which is hoping that at least removing her
\n from
\n the region
\n will remove
\n Farquand’s motivation for wreaking weather havoc. Improving weather during the next few days would be an indication that the Federal strategy has worked, for the time being at least. Meteorologists across
\n the region are standing by…<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"