![](\"http:\/\/cyber.law.harvard.edu\/blogs\/static\/dowbrigade\/newfriendsm.jpg\")
Although the Dowbrigade long ago moved beyond the
\n strict causality of Freud’s theories of sexual repression and psychoses,
\n we are astounded at times by how much of what really motivates people,
\n consciously and subconsciously, is sexual.<\/p>\n
As someone who wants to, and like to think it is possible
\n to understand the world in which we live, it bothers us that we understand
\n so little about something so important. For example, it is difficult for a life-long heterosexual
\n to even imagine what it would be like to feel attracted to one’s same
\n sex.<\/p>\n
And that is a walk in the park compared with trying
\n to get inside the thoughts and emotions of a rapist, or a child molester,
\n or a serial sex killer. What could possibly go through the mind of such
\n a person? What could have possibly happened to them during their
\n lives to connect sexual gratification in their troubled brains to such
\n barbaric behavior?<\/p>\n
At such times, we thank the Lord for creating Eve and
\n her ilk, and for cueing the Dowbrigade’s desires to the female form and
\n fancy. Although, come to think of it, women can be pretty difficult to
\n deal with themselves. We never were much good at understanding what makes
\n women tick, although we have become something of an expert at what ticks them off.<\/p>\n
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could transfer our sexual
\n urges to something more, well, manageable? Historically, animals have
\n been one alternative, but bestiality has a bad rap and an unfortunate
\n name, and seems instinctually nasty even to one as broadminded and anthropologically
\n unbiased as the Dowbrigade.<\/p>\n
Moving down the food chain, we wonder if it might be
\n possible to become romantically involved with fruits or vegetables. By
\n this we mean the garden variety vegetables and not the residents of long-term
\n round-the-clock nursing care facilities. We can almost imagine waxing
\n amorous over a plump, soft honeydew mellon, with its moist pink flesh
\n and fruity but musty scent. Or a dappled mango, picked at its peak of
\n sweet young ripeness, with sticky, gooey nectar dripping down its skin.<\/p>\n
But no, let’s nip this one in the bud, before we find
\n ourself the object of snide, sad commentary by erstwhile "friends" at
\n some seedy salad bar at 3 am.<\/p>\n
"What’s he doing over there? He’s been cruising the
\n salad bar for 45 minutes…"<\/p>\n
"Look at the way he’s squeezing those grapefruit! And
\n did you see what he did with that pomegranate?"<\/p>\n
"What a weird guy. He kept grabbing stuff, but it wasn’t
\n going on his plate. It looked like he was stuffing it all in his
\n pockets, or something. Shhhh, he’s coming back to the table…"<\/p>\n
"Hey, guys, I gotta split. I just remembered, I gotta
\n get down to Haymarket."<\/p>\n
"Are you nuts? It’s friggin’ three o’clock in the morning!"<\/p>\n
"Yeah, but that’s when the produce trucks start pulling
\n in with the new tomato’s, and bushels of carrots, and all those other
\n sweet young things…."<\/p>\n
Snickering behind his back, they let the sad, slump-shouldered
\n figure of the Dowbrigade shuffle off into the night.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Although the Dowbrigade long ago moved beyond the strict causality of Freud’s theories of sexual repression and psychoses, we are astounded at times by how much of what really motivates people, consciously and subconsciously, is sexual. As someone who wants … Continue reading