{"id":2461,"date":"2004-07-20T16:51:06","date_gmt":"2004-07-20T20:51:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.law.harvard.edu\/dbnews\/2004\/07\/20\/scratchpad-no-flash-in-the-pan\/"},"modified":"2004-07-20T16:51:06","modified_gmt":"2004-07-20T20:51:06","slug":"scratchpad-no-flash-in-the-pan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/2004\/07\/20\/scratchpad-no-flash-in-the-pan\/","title":{"rendered":"Scratchpad no Flash in the Pan"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n
\n

Drat! Just when we seemed to have cleared the path towards
\n one of the very top slots at the Berkman
\n Center blog server<\/a> slots, due
\n to the untimely departure of former fellow Dave
\n Winer<\/a> to new projects and greener pastures,
\n a new contender has entered the fray, and is eating our collective lunch.<\/p>\n

Not that the Dowbrigade is obsessed by ratings or rankings, but since our
\n Blog began climbing the Top Blogs list in our admittedly provincial corner
\n of the Blogosphere we admit to keeping a discrete eye on the flow totals.
\n We remember during those early days being closely matched in the daily
\n results<\/a> with the inestimable Christopher
\n Lydon<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Always in awe of Chris’s
\n encyclopedic knowledge, incisive perceptivity and honey-dipped delivery,
\n we knew there was no way we could compete in profundity or professionalism,
\n we attempted to outnumber him in the sheer volume of our postings.
\n Having noticed that our hit total took a jump every time we posted a new
\n entry, due no doubt to aggregator and automated hits combined with our
\n own auto-hits in the process of composing and posting each entry. On numerous
\n pathetic nights during that first long blogging summer we would sit at
\n our computer inventing post after post until our daily total inched past
\n Chris’s.
\n Luckily,
\n this childish, ego-fueled behavior was rendered moot when Chris transcended
\n to an independent and personalized blogging
\n platform<\/a>, and we pretty much inherited his
\n spot in the Berkman hierarchy (although he still beats me like a rug some
\n days, despite the fact he hasn’t posted since March).<\/p>\n

But outlasting the competition had become for us a quietly effective, not
\n to say insidious style which has become a mainstay of the Dowbrigade’s
\n survival strategies
\n for a
\n long
\n time now.
\n Keeping
\n a low
\n profile
\n while the opposition beats itself and each other to a pulp has worked for
\n us at least since grade school playground recess and gym class showdowns
\n at
\n that
\n prototypical
\n American Darwinian elimination activity known as Dodge ball.<\/p>\n

As vicious
\n an outlet for pre-teen and adolescent sadism as has come out of middle
\n America, Dodge ball has been largely condemned and forbidden in these
\n "enlightened" times. For those of our readers too young or alien to be
\n familiar with
\n this childhood trial
\n by fire, let us explain the basic rules of dodge ball. A large group
\n of players, often mixed boys and girls, especially popular in "primary"
\n school, grades 1-6, which in the US means 7-12 years old, start out standing
\n in a loose
\n knot
\n in
\n the center of an indoor gym or outdoor blacktopped playground.<\/p>\n

One or more round rubber balls are introduced into this mix, and the
\n object is to take the ball, and fling it as hard as possible at any of
\n the other
\n players. Should the ball strike any part of the target player, he or
\n she is "out", and required to leave the field of play. Should
\n the target manage to catch the ball before it hits the ground, the thrower
\n was
\n declared "out". In a time-honored American tradition, reminiscent
\n of the Shootout at the OK Coral, the "last kid standing" is
\n declared the winner.<\/p>\n

Although seemingly innocuous, that textured red rubber ball, in size
\n and weight somewhere between a volleyball and a basketball, flung with
\n all
\n the force sugar, hormones and frustration can generate in a pre-teen
\n body, could sting exposed flesh, and who would aim anywhere else.<\/p>\n

Many of the non-athletically incline kids would
\n awkwardly
\n expose themselves on purpose, or even throw gentle poofballs at each
\n other, in order to be
\n eliminated as soon as possible, retiring to the sidelines to relax
\n and watch the remaining contestants embarrass themselves in a variety
\n of manners.
\n The bigger, more coordinated kids took sadistic pleasure in eliminating
\n as many of these dweebs as quickly as they could, flinging the ball with
\n all their strength in attempts to elicits cries of pain or better yet,
\n cowardly spastic efforts to avoid the physical and emotional pain of
\n early elimination. For these and other reasons Dodge ball has largely
\n been eliminated
\n in today’s enlightened educational environments.<\/p>\n

Being almost totally bereft of athletic skill, yet cursed with a highly
\n competitive nature, the adolescent Dowbrigade developed a cagey tactic
\n of blending in with the crowd, trying to avoid attention or attractiveness
\n as a target by becoming invisible. Moving around the fringes of the group,
\n keeping away from the other players still "alive" (offering
\n the aggressive players less attractive shots and fewer chances to fling
\n the ball at a knot of victims hoping to kill any one of the group), we
\n were usually able to survive until there were only three or four players
\n left. By then, rivalries had developed between the most vicious killers
\n so that they were often blindly determined to eliminate each other, forgetting
\n us entirely until we were the only opponent left. At this point, at least
\n we had a chance, to dodge a few shots and hope to catch one before one
\n caught us.<\/p>\n

It was a surprisingly effective tactic, and quietly outlasting rivals
\n became our modus operandi in multiple endeavors. Years later we noticed
\n a similar
\n effect in another sport – tennis. The Dowbrigade has been playing tennis
\n for 42 years, and not very well, even after all that time. However, whereas
\n in high school we were just another uncoordinated spaz on the court,
\n second-to-last man picked in pick-up baseball games (we were usually
\n picked just
\n before Willie the Gimp), as we settled into middle age and kept playing,
\n quietly learning a new trick or shot every 10 years or so, our erstwhile
\n conquerors were one by one falling by the wayside. A broken ankle
\n here, 30 pounds of excess baggage there, our former contemporaries were
\n becoming
\n bloated, busted-up couch potatoes.  Eventually, we were among the
\n few in our age group still out there competing. We hadn’t gotten any
\n better, but just about everyone else had gotten a whole lot worse. Once
\n again,
\n by patient inaction we had turned survival into victory.<\/p>\n

So our strategy was the same vis a vis the Berkman blogging hits parade.
\n Lydon was gone, on to the big time, and best of luck to him.  Sure,
\n Dave Winer<\/a>‘s three Berkman
\n Blogs<\/a> were still out polling mine, even though
\n he has left the Center and posts about twice a month.  Besides,
\n Dave was holding down the fort at Scripting
\n News<\/a>, embarked on exciting
\n new projects and investing his energies elsewhere.<\/p>\n

Now all we needed was to help get Philip Greenspun a dream job at the
\n University of Hawaii, and out path to the top would be clear!<\/p>\n

When, WHAM, out of the blue we were blind sided by a dizzy dame with
\n a wicked way with words.  We are talking about the incredible Jessica,
\n the Cyber-Librarian<\/a>! From out of nowhere she has emerged to monopolize
\n the top spot in the Berkman universe, day after day. Unfortunately, it
\n couldn’t have happened to a nicer dame.<\/p>\n

However, on closer inspection, her hit totals raise some intriguing
\n questions. For one thing, checking out her referrers
\n list<\/a>, we notice
\n that the top outside sites directing traffic her way are: www.adultnonstop.com,
\n www.live-cam-sex.info, www.7gay.com, www.gay-twinks-gallery.com, and
\n www.zoo-porn.net. <\/p>\n

What’s up with THAT Jessica? Are you involved with some shady X-rated
\n hit skimming scheme? There is also the possibility that the girl has
\n made a pact with the devil, and
\n is actively promoting some Satanic mass merchandising operation in
\n collaboration with Beelzebub himself.<\/p>\n

Quite apart from that side of the equation, it also seems that Jessica
\n has an unfair advantage in her professional position.  After all,
\n she is an electronic librarian.  She get PAID to sit around all
\n day and review internet information sources.  Of COURSE she picks
\n up choice tidbits to share with us proles. As a blogger, she’s swimming
\n in her home medium.<\/p>\n

Seriously, folks, j’s
\n scratchpad<\/a> is a GREAT blog.  The girl writes
\n like a pro, and knows more useless shit about obscure areas of intellectual
\n endeavor than anyone we know except for our father, who was known in
\n college as "Small Facts Feldman" and kept himself afloat through an endless
\n series of bar bets.To boot, she’s got a heart as big as the great outdoors.<\/p>\n

If there’s anyone out there who reads the Dowbrigade and hasn’t discovered
\n the scratchpad, check it out.  Its almost a pleasure getting our
\n ass kicked by such an elegant act.<\/p>\n

read J’s scratchpad<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Drat! Just when we seemed to have cleared the path towards one of the very top slots at the Berkman Center blog server slots, due to the untimely departure of former fellow Dave Winer to new projects and greener pastures, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":299,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1443],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2461","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-esl-links"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2461","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/299"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2461"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2461\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2461"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2461"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2461"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}