{"id":1001,"date":"2003-07-15T20:59:05","date_gmt":"2003-07-16T00:59:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.law.harvard.edu\/dbnews\/dubya-resume\/"},"modified":"2003-07-15T20:59:05","modified_gmt":"2003-07-16T00:59:05","slug":"dubya-resume","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/dubya-resume\/","title":{"rendered":"Dubya Resume"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a><\/p>\n

RESUME: GEORGE W. BUSH<\/p>\n

The White House USA<\/p>\n

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:<\/p>\n

I ran for congress and lost.<\/p>\n

I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.<\/p>\n

I bought an oil company, but couldn’t find any oil in<\/p>\n

Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all<\/p>\n

my stock.<\/p>\n

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a<\/p>\n

sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.<\/p>\n

Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White<\/p>\n

Sox.<\/p>\n

With my father’s help (and his name) was elected<\/p>\n

Governor of Texas.<\/p>\n

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:<\/p>\n

I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and<\/p>\n

made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.<\/p>\n

I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog<\/p>\n

ridden city in America.<\/p>\n

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the<\/p>\n

tune of billions in borrowed money.<\/p>\n

I set record for most executions by any Governor in<\/p>\n

American history.<\/p>\n

I became president after losing the popular vote by<\/p>\n

over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers<\/p>\n

appointments to the Supreme Court.<\/p>\n

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:<\/p>\n

I attacked two countries.<\/p>\n

I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.<\/p>\n

I shattered record for biggest annual deficit in<\/p>\n

history.<\/p>\n

I set economic record for most private bankruptcies<\/p>\n

filed in any 12 month period.<\/p>\n

I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history<\/p>\n

of the stock market.<\/p>\n

I am the first president in decades to execute a<\/p>\n

federal prisoner.<\/p>\n

I am the first president in US history to enter office<\/p>\n

with a criminal record.<\/p>\n

In the first year in office I set the all-time record<\/p>\n

for most days on vacation by any president in US<\/p>\n

history. After taking the entire month of August off<\/p>\n

for vacation, I presided over the worst security<\/p>\n

failure in US history. I set the record for most<\/p>\n

campaign fundraising trips than any other president in<\/p>\n

US history.<\/p>\n

In my first two years in office over 2 million<\/p>\n

Americans lost their job.<\/p>\n

I cut unemployment benefits for more out of work<\/p>\n

Americans than any president in US history.<\/p>\n

I signed more laws and executive orders amending the<\/p>\n

Constitution than any president in US history.<\/p>\n

I presided over the biggest energy crises in US<\/p>\n

history and refused to intervene when corruption was<\/p>\n

revealed.<\/p>\n

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US<\/p>\n

history and refused to use the national reserves as<\/p>\n

past presidents have.<\/p>\n

I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.<\/p>\n

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to<\/p>\n

simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15<\/p>\n

million people), shattering the record for protest<\/p>\n

against any person in the history of mankind.<\/p>\n

I dissolved more international treaties than any<\/p>\n

president in US history.<\/p>\n

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any<\/p>\n

administration in US history. (The ‘poorest’<\/p>\n

multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice has a Chevron oil<\/p>\n

tanker named after her).<\/p>\n

I am the first president in US history to order a US<\/p>\n

attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation,<\/p>\n

and I did so against the will of the United Nations<\/p>\n

and the world community.<\/p>\n

I created the largest government department<\/p>\n

bureaucracy in the history of the United States.<\/p>\n

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget<\/p>\n

spending increases, more than any president in US<\/p>\n

history.<\/p>\n

I am the first president in US history to have the<\/p>\n

United Nations remove the US from the human rights><\/p>\n

commission.<\/p>\n

I am the first president in US history to have the<\/p>\n

United Nations remove the US from the elections<\/p>\n

monitoring board.<\/p>\n

I removed more checks and balances, and have the least<\/p>\n

amount of congressional oversight than any<\/p>\n

presidential administration in US history.<\/p>\n

I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. I<\/p>\n

withdrew from the World Court of Law. I refused to<\/p>\n

allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by<\/p>\n

default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.<\/p>\n

I am the first president in US history to refuse<\/p>\n

United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US<\/p>\n

elections).<\/p>\n

I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for<\/p>\n

most corporate campaign donations. My biggest lifetime<\/p>\n

campaign contributor, who is also one of my best<\/p>\n

friends, presided over one of the largest corporate<\/p>\n

bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay,<\/p>\n

former CEO of Enron Corporation).<\/p>\n

I, with a policy of disengagement, created the most<\/p>\n

hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30<\/p>\n

years.<\/p>\n

I am the first US president in history to have a<\/p>\n

majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my<\/p>\n

presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and<\/p>\n

stability.<\/p>\n

I am the first US president in history to have the<\/p>\n

people of South Korea more threatened by the US than<\/p>\n

their immediate neighbor, North Korea.<\/p>\n

I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden<\/p>\n

‘dead or alive’.<\/p>\n

I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to<\/p>\n

murder the leaders of our country at the United States<\/p>\n

Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and<\/p>\n

zero suspects. In the 18 months following the 911<\/p>\n

attacks I have successfully prevented any public<\/p>\n

investigation into the biggest security failure in the<\/p>\n

history of the United States.<\/p>\n

I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for<\/p>\n

Americans than any other president in US history.<\/p>\n

In a little over two years I created the most divided<\/p>\n

country in decades, possibly the most divided the US<\/p>\n

has ever been since the civil war.<\/p>\n

I entered office with the strongest economy in US<\/p>\n

history and in less than two years turned every single<\/p>\n

economic category heading straight down.<\/p>\n

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:<\/p>\n

I have At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine<\/p>\n

(Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).<\/p>\n

I was AWOL from National Guard and deserted the<\/p>\n

military during a time of war.<\/p>\n

I refuse to take drug test or even answer any<\/p>\n

questions about drug use.<\/p>\n

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have<\/p>\n

been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in<\/p>\n

secrecy and unavailable for public view.<\/p>\n

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider<\/p>\n

trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy<\/p>\n

and unavailable for public view.<\/p>\n

All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I<\/p>\n

served on the board are sealed in secrecy and<\/p>\n

unavailable for public view.<\/p>\n

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP)<\/p>\n

attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in<\/p>\n

secrecy and unavailable for public review.<\/p>\n

For personal references please speak to my daddy or<\/p>\n

uncle James Baker (They can be reached at their<\/p>\n

offices of the Carlyle Group which has been accused of<\/p>\n

war-profiteering.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

RESUME: GEORGE W. BUSH The White House USA PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for congress and lost. I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie. I bought an oil company, but couldn’t find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":299,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-1001","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1001","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/299"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1001"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1001\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/archive.blogs.harvard.edu\/dowbrigade\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1001"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}